The Skinny on me

So here's the "skinny" on me. I'm a lifer at this weight loss stuff. I first noticed I was overweight in fourth grade. All the kids were making fun of another poor child because of his weight. (They made us get in line and get on a scale in fourth grade gym class.) I was up next. Mine was only 5 lower than the other poor child. Luckily, the mean children were too encompassed being hellacious to the kid to notice my weight. I blamed my weight on muscle. I was not big, but I was a dance. I did classical ballet from 4-18. And I had great muscle tone. Everwhere except my mid-section. I started routinely excersizing when I was in 6th grade with rollerblading. Even at that time, a friend and I told ouselves that we had to wake up early before school and work out so we dont get fat. 6th grade. Flash forward a few years to tenth grade when I actually lost a lot of weight. I had been up to 170 and down to 150. Though still muscular, etc I didn't think I looked the part of fat kid. I was a cheerleader, the biggest, but I had to be the biggest becausea the rest were 0-2s. I will never be a 0-2. One brownie sent me into a downward spiral after a homecoming dance where a boy finally asked me to dance. I was happy. I ate. I put it all back on. From there came college and the freshman 15. I still had a good excersize routine and OK eating habits. After college came hell. A miserable desk job. after six months of that and 20 pounds I have come to my current state of being. And I realized last week at a kickboxing class that I WAS the fattest girl in the room. Even though under it all I have always felt it, I finally realized it. I had NEVER seen my stomach bouncing, jiggeling, etc durning an aerobics class. I used to be the Queen of aerobics. The teachers always told me I had great technique. But now I've even lost that. That's probably the most depressing thing. I had convinced myself that I could still eat what I wanted, becasue all I had to do was work it off. Even though 99.9% of hte time I never bothered to work it off. But now its even hard to do that. Excersize has become hard and that's what hurts the most, emotionally. But I've got to do it. Shit- now its for my health! Not just my confidence. It's that whole lifestyle change thing. I know it will take a long time to get where I want to be. Hopefully somewhere I've never been. I've never been below a size 8. So here we go! On my magical journey of weight loss. It's going to suck. Suck very very much. But hey, if it were easy, ___ (Insert proper analogy here.) Good luck! Stay strong!