Woke up feeling very tired (late night) but very positive. I just looked back on my Day One post and can't believe how differently I feel now! Instead of feeling like a failure for letting myself get to this, I feel really good about myself because I'm really doing something about it. I like the fact that I feel so in control of my eating. No bingeing these days for me!
I can see how many people coming to the end of these diets get scared at the idea of eating real food again!
Anyway, mustn't get ahead of myself. Only on day 8 of at least 100 days. And let's face it's going to be longer in abstinence really and then there'll be the maintenance period too. Then there'll be being careful forever!
There was a girl at my group last night who had done the 100 days before. She said at the end she felt good about herself and just stopped - then put it all back on. She's back now, although the counsellor told her that he honestly didn't think she'd succeed 2nd time round! She said it was a huge mistake not seeing the programme through to the end!
I must remember this if I get down to a size I'm happy with. That's the battle only half won!
Well, I've been finding it really quite easy to be honest. I'm not hungry. If anything I kind of forget to take my foodpacks when I'm busy. I think that's the trick - keep busy. As soon as I stop I get a bit bored and my mind turns to food!
Had my 1 week weigh in today and I've lost a whopping 11lbs in one week! That's the same amount as I lost over 3 weeks on my most successful WW attempt. (Pretty pathetic that I never managed to lose more than that on WW but there you go!!)
Now, the first week apparently is always a BIG loss and it will even out next week. But I think I will almost certainly get down to the 16s and psychologically that's going to be really good for me. Then I just have to work towards the 15s!
I haven't yet noticed any difference in myself. That being said, I'm only really wearing tracksuit bottoms and baggy t-shirts as I'm cycling every day. I can't wait to be able to chuck out some of my clothes and wear smaller ones. I think it will be a while yet though!
Yesterday I was hungry, pissed off and down. I really felt fed up all day and really hungry, wanted my food and couldn't stop thinking about how it feels like I'm going to be doing this FOREVER and how the hell am I going to keep this up for so long! I wanted to go to the pub or at the very least crack open a bottle of wine in front of the telly! In the evening though I went to see The Devil Wears Prada and got quite seduced by all the pretty clothes. I came away thinking that it will be worth all this when I can wear pretty clothes again!
Today, I have been feeling like I might actually be able to do this. I still miss my food but I went swimming this morning and held my head high. I feel more confident and up for things! It's shades of the old me shining through.
I can see though that I'm going to have a real rollercoaster on this one... up and down not just day to day, but hour to hour! Let's hope for another good day tomorrow!
Well, all in all, day one went pretty well! I won't pretend I wasn't hungry, but I managed it ok. The support I received from friends on the veggie boards at weightwatchers.co.uk and the ladies at minimins.com really helped!
I tried out the raspberry and caramel shakes, the vanilla bar and the Thai Chill Soup.
I liked both of the shakes (which I blitzed in the blender with ice and approx 230ml water). I really rather liked the Thai chilli soup. It basically is like a cup a soup - complete with dodgy bits of chewy stuff floating around in it - but the taste is very nice! I wasn't overly keen on the bar tbh which I took to college with me - but I didn't hate it either. It was also the thing that filled me up most.
The biggest problem I had yesterday was at my badminton club. I usually play for 2 hours, but after 1.5 hours I really felt very weak indeed and I got a massive prickly rash on my chest!! I couldn't really stop playing as I was needed to make up numbers. As I had already cycled about 15 miles yesterday I guess it was just a bit too much!
I really do hope that this is something that will even itself out when I get to ketosis. Sport is quite important to me and bicycle is my primary form of transport, so I really need the energy for it all. One of my motivating factors for doing this diet is that I want to be able to get back into running and squash - two things which have become impossible for me since putting on so much weight! Ideally I'd like to be able to train again for the London Triathlon next year.
The second biggest problem yesterday was that I have never peed so much in my life. At one point I was literally going every 10 minutes. Unfortunately this was last thing at night when I wanted to be going to sleep. My cats brought me a mouse which was running hysterically around the flat - but all I could do was a kind of flying leap to navigate my way to the toilet for pee #563. I am seriously considering buying some kind of chamberpot!
Yesterday was also my first class at uni. I am majoring in Japanese cinema and we watched a video on the history of Japanese film. I immediately managed to out myself as being much too keen and very very uncool - certainly compared to all the other students in my class who were at least a decade younger than me and mostly a size 4!!!! Am I the only postgrad on this course? Still looking forward to getting to know them. Discussions about the video take place today and I really must try and avoid rabbiting on!
Anyway, day two already. Feeling quite positive. I do keep getting urges to go and make toast/buy a pattie or something like that - but then remember that I don't do that anymore. I think it's more a habit thing than me actually really wanting the toast or a pattie!
Off to make my first shake of the day and a nice cup of white tea
Just going to add these here. A lovely lady on www.minimins.com posted up these recipes and I know I'll forget about them unless I put there here!
1. Mix together raspberry and chocolate, its delish. 2. Make peppermint tea, leave bag in all day ready for evening chocolate. Make chocolate shake with the cold tea, (it reminds me of `After Eights`.) 3. Make all hot soups with green tea (supposed to help the metabolism). Trust me, you cannot tast the tea! 4. Mix instant coffee in with the chocolate shake 5. Add coffee to the caramel flavour or make it with cold coffee 6. Add the lemon flavouring to the Vanilla shake, that really is nice. 7. Make a cup of instant coffee, then mix in your vanilla poweder for a cup of `vanilla coffee`. 8. Mix veg and chicken, veg and mushroom, mushroom and chicken etc etc. They all seem to go well together. 9. Make a chocolate muffin by adding the poweder to 3-4 desert spoons hot water. Add four sweeteners, 1 teaspoon instant coffee and place in microwave for 40 secs initialling, keep microwaving until it is the consistency you want. Make in a ramekin dish, that way you don`t waste much. 10. Make a paste with any of the savoury flavours, scrape onto a baking sheet and microwave for 1 minute or more
I went to my 1st meeting last. I had been feeling really excited about starting LL since I got the call late last week - so positive and happy, if a little apprehensive. But once I got to my meeting I felt really depressed. It may be because I was a bit sleep deprived and I had just got my period. Also, I'm not sure that my counsellor likes me v. much. In fact, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me at all. And I'm not sure that I'm all that satisfied with him either! I didn't understand one of his explanations and he was quite short with me. To be fair though, I wasn't the only person in the group who didn't understand what he was talking about!!
Anyway, I came home and had a bit of a sob. Actually, I also had a bit of a sob on the way home! I think partly because I can't quite believe it's come to this. What have I done to myself that I'm now having to resort to sachets of "food" in order to sort myself out.
I also am terrified of failing. I don't fail generally at things. I've always been quite good at most things. Except self image, weight and self esteem. In my mind, I've already failed because the others at my class seemed so positive and gung-ho and up for it. I just felt like I was fighting back the tears - and a few times I had to hang my head to hide them welling up. In every other area of my life that's just not me!! I've done triathlons, the Moonwalk, moved abroad to a country where I couldn't speak the language and lived there very successfully for 4 years, last year I did something that made me physically sick every morning for 3 months - but I saw it through to the end and succeeded. But this... this is my nemesis. Already it feels like I'm failing just because I'm afraid. And this somehow seems to negate everything else that I've achieved. No matter how much I succeed in other areas of life - this makes everything else worthless.
I couldn't sleep last night. I woke up at 4am and couldn't stop thinking about it all. I'm worried that I won't be able to benefit from counselling if my counsellor and I don't get on. I'm worried about signing something which commits me to spending £66 a week with him. I understand that I have to pay for the foodpacks, but I don't want to pay for ineffectual counselling. I wonder if I should find another counsellor. I called LL and it seems I can change counsellors. I have checked out a couple who look good. The only problem being they're a little far away from here. One is still cycling distance - just not a fantastic journey - and the other is do-able on the underground.
Then I called gaijinboy and asked his advice. He reckons I should give it a little longer with this guy and if I'm still unhappy with him - then change. I don't know how that works with signing this agreement thing - but I haven't yet and if he pressures me into doing so, I guess I'll just be honest with him.
The positive!
I haven't eaten yet this morning! I have, however, drunk almost a litre of water and a green tea!! I got quite well prepared for this by buying gaijinboy a week's worth of food - all with meat in it, so it's no temptation to me at all! And I bought a new blender so I can blend my milkshake things with ice to make them a bit nicer! The blender is in the dishwasher and when that's done - I'll tryout my first foodpack! I don't half fancy a couple of slices of toast though!
