Well the last guests left this afternoon. The tree's going tomorrow and I'll be glad to be rid. We had guests from the 17th through to today and frankly - the bustle and all the food shopping, tidying, de-cluttering and socialising has been a bit much.
Added to this I have had to work every day throughout Christmas - took the 25th, 30th and 31st off but apart from that have been researching and writing every day. Still horrendously behind though and I don't think i'm going to make my deadline to the standard I want to be at!
BUT.. I didn't fall off the wagon! On two days (Christmas Eve and my birthday - NYE) I had two bars (and 5 packs in total), but the following days I had 3 packs to compensate and no bar.
Also I started running again! My legs are bloody killing me but it feels so good - the old me is coming back!!
My birthday looked like it was going to be a disaster when The bloody Sanctuary called up TWO DAYS before New Year's Eve to cancel my booking saying they had decided to close for the day instead as there weren't many bookings. I was really upset, especially as I had specifically asked them if they would open even if bookings were down and they had assured me they would. But.. Kublai came to the rescue and borrowed his car from his Dad and we went for the most lovely, gorgeous day in Whitstable... walked on the beach, went bowling, had tea in a cafe - just really really lovely. In the evening loads of friends came over and stayed with me till midnight and then they all went clubbing - Kublai too - which was PERFECT because it meant I could go to bed without feeling guilty.
So I woke up this morning feeling happy, un-hungover, the sun was shining and I went for a run in the park. This evening we went on the London Eye as I had been given complimentary tickets. We'd both been before, but not at night time - it was so beautiful and I just loved it. The best moments of the season have been the few hours alone with Kublai at Whitstable and the few hours alone going to the London Eye and our trip to the ballet together. It has reminded me that we tend to get caught up in routine and every day life and need to spend a bit more "quality" time together. It doesn't have to be anything exciting, but something different - out of London, or even in London but something that's not routine.
So bring on 2007! I feel super positive. I'm feeling really happy with the way I look at the moment. It's still a good long way till I'll be at goal but at least now I like the way I am.
Yesterday was lovely for me. Kublai and I went on the London Cycling Campaign (magical mystery tour) bike ride in the morning. Sadly it magically wound its way directly past K's parents (where we were due for lunch and then went on past our flat and basically along my commuting route!).. so we bowed out at his parents place and chilled out. They've been really supportive of my diet and are very into their meat so Christmas dinner was no problem for me at all. I had my soup and then we all watched Some Like it Hot together.
In the evening we went back home and some of my closest friends who always stay with me over Christmas were here too and we all opened presents. K and I got a projector so we watched lots of music vids (Gorillaz, Chris Cunningham vids and Banco de Gaia - of course!!) on our wall!!
Today I'm back to work I'm afraid and will be every day except I'll take the 31st off. This essay writing is taking over my life.. but I do actually enjoy it and it certainly takes my mind off food! I've realised just how busy I need to keep myself to stop myself from getting bored and wanting to eat. The problem is though, my tendency towards overdoing it and getting stressed. Finding a good balance is obviously one key to my eating problems.
Can't quite believe I made it through on soup and shakes but it's been surprisingly easy! What I miss most is the booze to be honest. But I don't miss feeling like sh!te or that feeling I get every Christmas of just sheer boredom with eating rich food and a longing for healthy food.
I got shed loads of lovely Clinique stuff which makes me feel really special when I wear it. Everyone has been saying how good my skin looks and how good I look so I do feel really healthy.
Went and tried on clothes today in New Look's sale. Didn't buy any because I'm hoping to just be passing through the size 18s on my way down to size 14s or even size 12 - so I have to resist spending money!
It's been a really Happy Christmas so far and I'm actually looking forward to my birthday on New Year's Eve despite no food or booze!
So been super busy but lost another 2lbs at Sunday's meeting. Won't be having another meeting now for 3 weeks! So I'm really hoping that my next WI will see me in the 13s!!
So... to celebrate being 3/4 of the way through my 100 days (for what it's worth) I've put up a before photo of me. That night I thought I looked ok - but after I saw the pictures I was just horrified and disgusted. To be fair I was already horrified and disgusted anyway, but had managed to more or less avoid cameras. This picture was the one that broke the camel's back - and nearly broke the camera too I should imagine!
So.. is anyone reading? Don't get any comments from anyone. Show yourselves!!
So freaking out a bit because I have two LARGE essays to hand in to college on the first day of term and then a bloody exam on the 2nd! I haven't written an essay in years....
eeek...
nicer news.. I got my nails done again.. they're so pretty.. I love having pretty nails! Also went to Top Shop's new blowdry bar which is WICKED! For £19 they wash and style your hair into some great styles. And they gave me loads of posh hair stuff and 20% off a haircut at a really posh salon (one branch in Soho and another in Harvey Nichols!!). I haven't had my hair cut in years and years and years.. so it's a real state.. so I think I'm going to splash out and get a nice cut!
So 1lb off at yesterday's WI. I'm very happy with that as after last week's 12lb loss I thought I might stay the same or even put on through water retention.
After WI, I went to a 4.5 hour Cerco intensive beginner's class with Kublai. We were so shit! I was easily the worst person there!
It made me feel a bit disheartened because I'm used to picking things up fairly quickly - but not this. It didn't help that I kept being paired up with another student who was frankly a complete cock! He kept saying things like "no no,you're getting it all wrong" and trying to physically push me about - not in a man leading a woman way, but really quite forcefully. I really had to bite my tongue.
I thought maybe I was being over-sensitive, but at one point when we were put into two large groups I very quietly asked Kublai (who was in the other group) if he would change places with me so I wouldn't have to be in the same group as that man. In my new group a girl noticed and asked me why I had changed. I just shrugged my shoulders and said nothing. So she said "Was it because of that horrible man?".
He'd been to one beginner's class before and thought he was Patrick Swayze.. and I wouldn't mind but he kept getting it wrong himself!!
Also, I've been feeling so good about my body shape and getting thinner recently. But we were in a dance studio completely surrounded by mirrors and I was the fattest one there - which made me feel a bit shit. I just felt I looked ugly. It didn't help I suppose that I was in my cycling gear from cycling there and no make up etc...
Also I didn't eat enough to sustain me - just had my LL bar at about 1pm. So by 5pm I was feeling quite weak and then I had to cycle home in the rain and wind from Kentish Town to Brixton. By the time I got home I felt very unwell until I had a milkshake and some soup. So silly silly me - a lesson learned. I really pushed it too much yesterday I think!
I'm trying to order the beginners DVD so we can practice at home because we're only bloody booked up for another workshop in January and to be honest, there was a point yesterday when we had to show the others what we'd learned and I totally could not remember a single thing. It was probably the most humiliating experience of my life!
Anyway, onwards and downwards. Got a really nice day planned today - although I need to get off and do some work for college!
Also, good news, looks like I might have found a way for my craft club to get an allotment - although it looks a bit tenuous at the moment.
Yes.. I may well be in my mid-30s but I still snigger at silly things like the number 69!
Feeling really good these days. Have also seemed to sort out my motivation problem with college and have been getting in much earlier and doing more work. Really enjoying the studying as it goes!
Actually, some days I'm so busy I forget my foodpacks which leads to a sort of milkshake and soup medley in the evenings!
Been opening my jewellery advent calendar every day and really enjoying it. It's just silly cheap jewellery but I get a kick out of wearing it and knowing why I have it.
A couple of nights ago Kublai said he thought I should stop! he doesn't want me to get too slim. That's very sweet and flattering but I'm still over 4 stone away from where I want to be!.. which is a wierd thought. I don't feel "thin" now, but I feel much more normal. I certainly don't feel disgusting and horrible anymore. I can see why lots of people stop after the 100 days. I really mustn't get complacent and remember my goals..
So I've booked myself into The Sanctuary in Covent Garden for my birthday and I'm going to have a face and bust massage to firm it all up and make it nice and shiny and lovely.
I'm going to spend the rest of the day swimming and sauna-ing and in some kind of light show relaxation therapy room or something.
Oh yes... I will be SO relaxed by the end of the day I will be a big old floppy flopster!
YAY!
Then have tons of friends coming to mine for a little party in the evening which I'll have to make Kublai do all the laying out and organisation for!
I lost 12lbs at my WI. I didn't get weighed in last week so this is two weeks worth of weight loss but it's pretty amazing!
I did have another chocolate waterfalls incident on Thursday, so it may be connected to that to be honest.
And it will probably mean that my weight loss over the next few weeks will be slower.
But who cares. The important thing is that it's coming off!
My dress sizes are dropping really quickly at the moment. I'm basically a size 18 now - my 20s are too big, but some of my 18s are still a bit tight - whilst others are just right.
I'm hoping that by the New Year I will be in the 13 stone range (which for some reason psychologically feels almost "normal" to me) and a size 16... which does have a big impact because, of course, that's when theoretically I can start shopping in normal clothes shops again and kiss goodbye to Evans!
Although I wonder if my inches may slow down a bit soon. When I weighed just over 11 stone I was a size 14. So I don't know if I'll be a size 16 at the top end of the 13 stone range to be honest.
Anyway, it's all academic because I'm not planning to buy any new size 16 clothes. I have plenty left from before and I'm only planning on wearing them on my way through to some smaller sizes anyway!
Went to lunch with my common-in-laws and my mother and brother today and everyone was stunned. F-I-L seems to be quite tempted himself, although I don't know whether he would really enjoy it. He's such a gourmet and such a great cook. On the other hand, although I mourned cooking, shopping for food and eating at first, I've become used to the way things are now. Food just isn't such a big part of my life anymore.
Other news: Kublai and I have signed up for intensive dance lessons for next Sunday and also for the 2nd Sunday in January. We went to a jive party a few weeks ago as I reckoned it was probably one of the few sorts of "clubbing" type things we could do where I wouldn't need to be pissed to fit in and enjoy it! And it wasn't. People put so much energy into their dancing that many were drinking water or just a small amount of alcohol. Amazingly, Kublai loved it! Sadly we were absolutely terrible and nearly took out a few experts on the dancefloor.... not so much murder on the dancefloor as manslaughter by dangerous dancing!
I've made my first e-bay sales of 2nd hand clothes that no longer fit me and so far have made over £60 - although I'm still waiting for a few payments. It's a fair bit of work to take the photos, do the listing, pack it all up etc - but since I have no income and these days seem to be spending WAY too much money on myself - I really do need to do something!
So... still going great guns. Don't think Christmas is going to be too tough after all. We've lined up several shows, a bike ride on Christmas Day, some countryside walking with best friends and god daughter and on my birthday (New Year's Eve).. I'm going to go to the Sanctuary in Covent Garden and really chill out in the saunas etc (is that a kind of oxymoron?).
It's wierd now because I do feel almost normal and although I'm still fat - I don't have "fat days" anymore. So it's hard to think really that I'm not even half way through in terms of how much weight I want to lose. I can see it's going to be really hard to stay motivated as I get lower and lower.
