DAY 100!! I can't believe it!

I actually can't quite believe it's already done. It passed so quickly. At the start it seemed like forever and I didn't think I'd really do it. But - at last WI (Sunday) I'd lost 4 1/2 stone!

I reckon I'll be on for another 100 days or so to get down to my goal weight. Originally I had that at 11 stone, but I am probably going to revise that to 10 stone now. However, I will wait and see how I'm doing nearer the time.

I've now started training in earnest for the London triathlon olympic - I will most likely be quite muscley by then - we'll see. I still can't train as hard as I would normally and won't do so until I'm eating again, but I 've started running (albeit it gently) and actually training in the pool (as opposed to just swimming).

My main problem now will be when I finally go back to food (which I'm dreading - never thought I'd say that.. ) how I will cope.     There are some things that are worrying me. 

Firstly, am I getting a bit addicted to this?  A large part of me doesn't want to eat again - because I'm scared now of food.  I go into the kitchen and there are still half eaten boxes of pringles in there.  The rest of my household are just ignoring them - HOW CAN THEY DO THAT?  I worry - if it were me, I'd have definitely scoffed them.  I still don't feel that I can be like that once I start eating again.  I want to be able to eat "normally" - not necessarily counting points, or only eating low fat - in a Paul McKenna/Beyond Chocolate/Susie Orbach way - just a normal relationship with food.  I do know what's healthy etc and luckily those are the sorts of foods I really enjoy.  But I do have this addiction thing to crisps/bread.  I already recognise that I'm an addict - although I wonder how deeply I recognise it? - and accept that I will never eat those things again?  Could I maybe just never eat crisps again and accept that bread is there to be eaten as 1 sandwich - not 5 and certainly not by the loaf?  I guess this is where the maintenance part of the programme will come in handy - apparently it's done by introducing food groups one at a time to recognise triggers.  I already know that carbs are my problem.  I've never binged on chocolate or sweet things.  I wonder how I will be able to incorporate those back into my life??

Another thing I'm realising more - and it's not as if Kublai hasn't told me a million times, I do put too much pressure on myself to be "perfect" - something i'm recognizing now - hence the binge eating - if I "blow it", I've "ruined it" because I won't have done it perfectly, then feeling disgusted with myself and actually quite dirty and wanting to get rid of it all and making myself throw up.  (not sure if I mentioned this on here before, but most people know and I may as well come completely clean - it's been going on for almost 14 years after all!).  It's something I have to work on - going a bit easier on myself and not hating myself if I don't do things "perfectly".   I know it's going to be really important when I start eating again - will I go on a binge?  If I do, how am I going to react?  I never want to go back to where I was before...

Anyway, that's my 100 days' thought for the day.  I guess this will be a lifelong struggle - just need to try and stay positive and believe I can break the cycle and the addiction. 

Thanks for all the support from many friends - you all know who you are.