DAY 15

Well - weigh in tonight!  Sadly on Saturday I didn't so much fall off the wagon as fall of over the wagon, bounce over the edge of a cliff, roll down into a precipe and wallow in a pit of self pity and despair!

Yes - all the ingredients were there - pasta, chocolate, bread, cheese, wine and throwing up!!

BUT - it wasn't the most out of control I've been.  I was conscious of what I was doing the whole time (I know that must sound wierd to someone who doesn't behave like that - but when I get like this it definitely does come in different levels of severity - the worst being when I completely lose control and eat until I am in physical pain and then carry on eating even though it hurts and I am loathing it) - oh and it all happens very quickly.

This was a conscious decision - what did I want to eat?  I ate it slowly - in fact I didn't finish everything at once, I came back to finish it once I felt less full.  Then I stopped pretty much.

Yesterday I woke up feeling, surprisingly, quite positive - not guilty and full of hate - and carried on with my foodpacks as though nothing happened!!  I guess I got it out of my system? 

Anyway, my last exam is in two weeks on Tuesday, May 22nd.  Which is also my WI day.  I'm going to try and stick it out for two more weeks and hope that I'm in the 10s by then.  Then go onto maintenance - I'm hoping starting at week 3 (which is where I left off before I went to Japan) which I feel is a place where I can eat "normally" and not feel hungry and train.  I want to concentrate then on training and toning for the London to Brighton Ride on June 17th and the London triathlon at the start of August. 

BUT it's going to have to be a day at a time and if I crack again like on Saturday I think I will probably come off and go into maintenance straight away.

So - fingers crossed for tonight.  I hope that one bad night doesn't undo 6 good ones!!