DAY TWO!! - EH??

Right - well let's just say it all went very wrong on Sunday and Monday -  I lost it, binged, threw up and generally went AWOL.

Yesterday I went back onto packs and last night I went to my counselling session.  I feel SO MUCH MORE positive now.  We looked at my behaviour and actually a lot of conclusions I had reached myself about what I'm doing - why I've done this just became even clearer.

I imagine for the outside world there must be an element of "well she's just gone straight back to step one" on reading this.  For me, it feels like I've come quite a long way.  Whereas in the past this would have thrown me into a depression I do feel like now I can allow myself mistakes without feeling that I am a disaster/useless/worthless/a waste of space etc etc - that's where I was on Monday - and boy did it feel like shit. 

So now I'm on day two of abstinence again!!  I'm feeling more relaxed about it this time.  It was not a good decision to try and come back from Japan straight into abstinence whilst dealing with a huge drugs comedown, a huge holiday and emotional comedown and a massive panic about my exams/essays/revision/getting a job/writing 5 million thank you letters/the triathlon!!  I know I put myself under too much pressure to do everything at once - it doesn't help.

Anyway, I must concentrate on finishing my essay and then start revising like a mad woman for my exams!!

Ah - but the good news is that I only gained 6lbs which will come off in no time.