DAY 136 - WEEKEND PLANS!

Well, hopefully this weekend should be a bit easier than the last few.  Tonight at 11pm, Kublai and I are taking the overnight train to Glasgow where we will be met tomorrow morning and taken here.  We have a very full weekend of drumming workshops lined up so hopefully no time to throw any childish "I want food" tantrums.

Potential difficulties are the fact that they provide homemade veggie food for lunch and I'll be sitting down with my soup and explaining to everyone else what's going on.  Also in the evening I think everyone may go out for dinner together which puts me in a tricky situation.  Personally I would like to give it a miss and go to the local sports centre for a swim and sauna - but I don't want Kublai to miss out and I don't suppose he would go for dinner with other people he doesn't know unless I go too?  And I don't want to make him come swimming if he wants to go out for dinner.  Anyway, maybe I'll want to go to dinner too to chat to everyone else.  We'll see.

Been thinking a lot this week about why is it that I still feel fat.  I know that now I'm pretty normal.  I fit into a size 16 in most shops - in some shops a 16 is too big (although we all know shop sizing means zilch!).  But all I see is the roll of flesh around my stomach.  Initially I was excited that I could fit into "thin" clothes but now I'm super critical.  I still feel really fat.  I don't think it's my head trying to catch up with my weight loss - I think I have a pretty realistic idea of what my body looks like now - it's just that to me, that image is still fat. 

Not sure where I am weight wise at the moment - may well have a WI on Monday - then again even if I do make it to class I might ask not to know again so I don't get too depressed if it's not good.  Anyway, I'm somewhere around 12stone 11.  If I get down to 11 stone - is that extra 1 stone 11lbs really going to make such a big difference?  Maybe this is why part of me wants to be super skinny.  But getting to, say, 9 stone, seems like an impossibility to me and possibly not really right for me either.  So am I destined to always be unhappy with my body?  Seems to me that the majority of women are!

fab weekend

I have fond memories of the  Sleeper, hope you enjoy it as much this time around!

Am sure you're having a terrific time banging your drums!!

You're doing fabulously well, and you're being hyper-critical about looking fat.  But, I have to say, I've been 12.11 and I've been 11.0, and there is a substantial difference in the way I look at the two different weights. 

Hello

Hi Cor this feels weird - I'm Sarah, and I live in Holloway. I've been reading your blog for about a month (I'm not supposed to comment on internet sites from work and I only got broadband last week so I've been reading and have found it very inspirational because you hit your 100 days at around about the same point that I started. I believe we also go to the same counsellor and we started off at similar ages, weights and heights so being able to see someone 100 days ahead of me has been incredibly helpful. So I wanted to say thank you - and hopefully I can be more communicative from now on. If it's any help, I remember 11 st 7 being the point where I started to feel 'normal', if a bit chunkier than skinny people - but with all the excercise you do I should think it will be round about that point that your muscle tone will really start to show. Anyway. I hope that you had a fab weekend.