DAY 125 - Hardest weekend yet
Well this weekend was SO hard. I've really really been struggling. I just felt absolutely miserable. A lot of this is because I have been so tired from not enough sleep.
I've been obsessing all weekend about my weight, what my goal should be, when I should stop, willing myself not to go to the fridge/shop and just crack.
This morning I got an email from my mother in law expressing her and my f-i-l's concern that I might not be pushing myself too hard with this. Yesterday was particularly difficult as I had a family meal with my family and OH's family and everyone was saying how great I looked but concerned that i'm going too far. I burst into tears - mainly through being a bit exhausted and fed up with soups and shakes!! Luckily only my mother witnessed the tears thing but I was on the edge for much of the day. Kublai's parents are so warm and loving and take so much care for me and I just don't want to worry them - or my mother for that matter - but then she's probably more used to my ups and downs!
Then also this morning I got a great message from Ninamoonshine replying to my post on day 123. I've also been getting similar advice from AmandaJayne on Minimins. Both these ladies have really helped. Somehow getting the advice from others who have struggled similarly seems to speak more to me than worried/concerned relatives. (bit unfair on the relatives!!)
So......I'm coming to the conclusion that I will stop the shakes/soup thing when I get to about 11 stone 11 or so (in about 1 stone's time) and then go into the maintenance programme. From what I understand, most people will continue to lose on maintenance. I will try to get down to 11 stone whilst on maintenance.
Then - as Ninamoonshine says - I will take it from there. I will be training for the London triathlon and eating accordingly so I should be pretty damn healthy anyway!
I'm coming to the conclusion that staying on the soups/shakes until 10 stone is becoming this insurmountable, huge, horrible thing in my head which just makes me want to eat. The idea of just losing one more stone this way and then doing something different seems so much easier to deal with. I think I'd rather come off this diet earlier and aim to continue to lose but having introduced food than just crack and raid the fridge - it took ALL my willpower not to do that yesterday.
Anyway, WI tonight. I'd really like to lose more than the 2lbs I've been losing weekly recently. I'm thinking that I'm going to have a week of just soups/shakes (no bars) to try and get things moving again. I've recently been feeling pretty much nauseated by all the various foodpacks - so I don't suppose it makes much difference which specific ones I have.
So - fingers crossed for tonight!
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Half a sodding pound!! 
but I have been rounding down my poundage every week when converting from kilos to stones and pounds... (saving up for a rainy day!!). My weight now in kilos is 81.5 which I believe is 12st 11lbs - so things are not as bad as all that I suppose.
Had a great meeting and I'm still resolved. We discussed maintenance and I feel much better for it now.