DAy 119 - IN THE TWELVES!!

So last night's WI saw another 2lbs off.  I have to admit to feeling a bit disappointed as the previous week was also 2lbs.  It seems my weight loss is now slowing down. 

However, I was already being a bit of a tantrum throwing child earlier in the day.  For the past three days or so I don't seem to have been in ketosis (not according to the wee sticks anyway) and have been feeling really hungry.  I've also been feeling really pissed off that I can't go out for dinner or be "normal"..... suddenly everything that has been so easy up to now seemed so difficult.  The idea of yet another 3 months on foodpacks is beginning to depress me quite a lot.  So having my weight loss slow down just means that I'll be on foodpacks for even longer!

Thank goodness for the meeting.  I managed to bite back my tears and got lots of support from my counsellor and the other members - who had to listen to me prattle on when I'm sure they've got their own issues too!  What a great group they are! Basically it came down to - and I kind of already knew this - I'm making this decision myself.  I can always give up if I want to.  Now, I know I'm not going to do that so I may as well get over it and stop making it more difficult for myself.  I felt SO much better going home after a good talking to!!

But then this morning I woke up in a FOUL mood after not enough sleep.  Really felt like life was pointless and I just wanted to run away.  Several hours of extremely stimulating seminars really lifted me though and reminded me that if I'm not feeling stimulated and challenged I get bored and that's when the "need to feed" sets in. 

It's tough, I really wanted to relax and do nothing at the weekend and apart from a 3 hour session at the allotment with my craft club girl friends, that's what I more or less did.  I had a BLAST at the allotment - but the rest of the time I was restless and pissed off and hungry!

So - the answer seems to be - keep busy!  On the other hand I have this tendency to keep TOO busy and take too much on and that has made me ill, so my promise to myself has been to take it much more easy.  It looks like finding the balance is going to be tricky!

Anyway, the day ended really nicely with me getting some good news about one of the essays I've handed in after Christmas (the first of my MA) - borderline distinction....   Obviously an outright distinction would be even better but it's the first academic essay I've written in well over a decade and my supervisor was really complimentary - so I'm chuffed to bits.  She also said I would be a good candidate to do a PhD.

The not so good news is that if I wanted to do a PhD in the area I was thinking of at SOAS I would have to do a further two master degrees first!!   Anyway - will do some more research into that.  It may be that a PhD is not the way forward for me - I'm still not sure if that's what I really want to do anyway...

Kublai and I also booked the overnight train down to Cornwall (which I've wanted to take for ages - especially as it's under thread of discontinuation) for our 5 year anniversary weekend.  We're taking our bikes and we'll go see The Eden Project and probably the Lost Gardens of Heligan.  Trying to get us into a nicer than usual B&B for the occasion.  (We'll also be taking the Edinburgh sleeper two weeks before that, as it happens, to go to a taiko drumming workshop in Lanarkshire!).

Oh and despite having "only" lost 2lbs last night - I'm now in the 12s!!