Day 114 - how did I get here?

Someone on www.minimins.com asked the question "What made you all get big in the first place???? "

My reply below is really the seriously abridged version of a long history of weight related shittiness.

Always had a problem - or at least I thought I did - looking back it was created from nothing..

Was constantly warned off getting fat as a child as "no one would love me".

Started WWers aged 13 - have since rejoined numerous times.  (I'm 34 now).

Teenage years also included Cambridge Diet (not today's version). Having weekly injections and taking prescribed amphetamines (now illegal). Stealing money to buy food secretly, hide it and eat it in secret.

This pretty much went on until I moved out at 18 (even then I was still "only" a size 16 but thought I was hideous).

Moved in with boyfriend and put on 3.5 stone through the staying in and eating thing.

Broke up with boyfriend 4 years later and lost 5.5 stone through depression.

Became bulimic and went on every single diet known to man.
And then it really started to go downhill....

Must have been the world's most rubbish bulimic as I started LL in October 2006 at nearly 18 stone.

So lots to sort out really...

WHAT IF NONE OF THIS EVER HAPPENED?  AND EVEN THOUGH IT DID - THAT WAS THEN AND THIS IS NOW RIGHT?

Seeing it written down is quite shocking and that's only half the tale.  But maybe it's time I just let go of it.  I'd really like that to be the old me.  I want to be "reborn" I suppose in a non-fundamentalist-scary-nutter way of course.  Is it ok to want to disown your past?