| Height: | 160.0cm |
| Start weight: | 144.50lb |
| Current weight: | 135.00lb |
| Goal weight: | 127.00lb |
| Lost to date: | 9.50lb |
| Remaining: | 8.00lb |
| 26 |
| May '12 |
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| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | ||
all of which, ihave none, unless you count alcohol as drugs. i guess i'm a little miserable from last night - a little hungover and a little tired. i drank too much sangria to celebrate my 5 lb loss! Yay - I got my 5 lb ribbon at WW. I waited a long time after my meetgins to do anything special. I'm so out of it....hungover...can't write this blog.
I feel absolutely exhausted. I went to bootcamp this morning at the park that's on our calendar, and no one was there! wtf?? did i miss an email? well it' was the last day anyway, and I owe them $8, so I might as well just stay quiet and not pay them. I'm pissed!
I've already eaten a pound of grapes, 1 apricot and 2 bananas because I feel this energy deficit. BTW, I did do my own 1 hour work out at the park w/o the bootcamp - so that was good, to kind of push myself on my own. they still say people work harder when they workout with other people.
Anyway - I talked to my good friend JM, from high school, last night. She's the only friend that ever knew I had these aforementioned eating problems. So I ran it past her if she thought it was a good idea or bad idea to try to get to 127 as an accomplishment - you know? to beat my old attitudes. She said it's totally understandable and she's def. behind me. It was really nice to have her support. She also told me to talk to my roommate E about the impersonal way in which I told her about my history as well. I need to let E know that no one really knows , even my best friends from college, no one knew. I felt like i told her because it was important for us as roommates, but that I 'm not ready to just jump in and pour out my heart.
On another note, I feel GREAT. about my body today. I really do. I had two really good days the past two days, and I intend to have one more (today) before WI.
Also - I just sent a text message to this guy I' met 3 weeks ago. I basically asked him why' he's been such a flake. There's a chance I might see him at this party next week, so I need to look hot!
I just had a thought, and rather than share it with the WW board, I thought I would put it here.
I was not healthy for a good 4-5 years of my life. I was addicted to xenadrine for two years, i didn't eat for some days, i threw up on others; this started Feb/March 2000.
February 2004 I decided not to do that anymore. I went from weighing about 133 to weighing 140 . Not too bad of a gain, i hadn't been treating myself too badly leading up to that decision.
So now as I sit here, I'm 136. I should be happy with myself, and how far I have come mentally, but I feel like I won't WIN until I weigh what I did when I was starving myself. I want to weigh 127, and be a healthy 127, and I want to know that I had it in me all along to get to 127 healthily, that I didn't have to treat my body like shit for so long.
The reason I resorted to anorexia and bulemia is because I was at a point where I didn't know how to change my behaviors- - how to recognize the bad ones and work towards correcting myself. For me, it was all or nothing. Well now, I know how to step outside myself and see what I do, why I do it, and how I can stop. LIke binge eating or mindlessly eating. I know how to get out of it. I need to keep trying!
day 10 and 11 have been so much better than days 7 -9. I was bummed out yesterday because my last WI with bootcamp turned out to be 140 lbs, the same as my first WI with bootcamp. My body fat %age went down 1%.
I find it hard to come on here everyday and write on the WW message boards. It gets tiresome to repeat myself. well i didn't eat too much yesterday, and i think it's affecting me today. i decided since i had a lot of kidney beans i boiled monday night, that i should eat beans rather than grains today. so i have 1/2 c. kidney beans and a 1/2 c. garbanzo beans instead of my usual 1 c. of brown rice.
this morning i'm still in my skinny jeans, size 30 paige denims. the true test will be to fit into my size 29 juicy corduroys - these will take me a while to get into. i haven't worn them since the summer of 2003 - I weighed about 127 at the time.
also - i didn't feel like running today, but i ended up doing the los gatos creek trail around the dam, and cutting 1 minute off. i'm doing the 3.65 mile run in 40min50 sec. That felt good, but like I said, i didn't eat much yestrday, so i'm feeling way exhausted.
i need to get through today and tomorrow, and have a really good WI Saturday. I really want to lie around all day - I don't fee llike ddoing much
so yesterday i gave in to the cake - it was loaded with brown sugar, something fruity ish, apples, maybe? it was about 2-3 hours after i heard about the cake that i went and grabbed a piece. i took a small piece then went back, and, have you ever done this? loaded up on two bigger pieces - and i'm thinking in my head - don't do it, yes do it, going back and forth. so i get back into the intern lab, and i pawn one piece off on a co-intern and eat the other. i comprimised. but then katie emailed me saying "nooo cake" and i wrote her back saying 'whatever, i'm working out twic today, for a total of 2.5 hrs, i used some APs" i just didn't care.
this brings me to the question - do i always have to feel guilty when i make a food choice that isn't planned? do i have to treat it as a behavior modificatio i need to make, or is it great that yesterday i felt okay with the decision i made to eat something totally off plan? i feel like other people approach their WPA's very methodically - they eat some reg. cheese with their salad for flavor, they don't give in to the cake in the office next door. i don't know. . .
Well i already used 3 pts of my APs today, but that's okay. I ate 4 soda crackers, kind of like saltines. i needed something quick this morning, i must have not eaten enough yesterday with the double workout. i've been feleling really drained today. well i ran for an hour, so i think i'm going to take this afternoon off. i will not be going to the gym, i will be going home after work to take a nap! i'm so excited.
also, this week my hit list is: dairy, carbonation, caffeine, alcohol, and SPLENDA.
I am officially done with artifiical sweetener as of yesterday.
Day 5: Friday. I had a good day, the workout was less than desirable at bootcamp. I left early from work. I had a dinner to go to and planned ahead. So I didn't go off program, save the 1/2 beer I had when everyone did sake bombs.
Day 6: Saturday. I had WI at 8:30 am, so I made food for the day ahead of time - Quinoa and Black Beans, Oatmeal (steel cut oats), and a salad with a whole can of tuna. I WI at 136.2!!! So I lost 2 lbs! On my scale at home I weighed 135.4, but ti's cool, I'll take what I can get! 0.8 more lbs and I reach my 5 lb mark. Hopefully in the next two week! I can say I lost 5 lbs over the summer. So now I really have to write out what I ate yesterday. My bootcamp instructor says to take a 24 hours off every week to indulge, considering I have so many diet restrictions! This is what I ate that wasn't ON PROGRAM (WW wise)
Shouldn't I feel like crap??? I actually feel pretty good - I got only 7 hours of sleep, but that's more than usual! I'm drinking water and gearing up to get back on program. The funny part is that last weekend I took my 24 hours and ate so much worse than this, I ate a whole 12" pizza! I think it helps that I worked out well yesterday, and was drinking a lot of water throughout the day
Ouch - yesterday was 40 WPA all together, so withmy 6 APs, I'm at 34 APs for the week already. Whoops!
My 12 days are going down the drain. . . well originally I intended to have all 12 days on plan with no drinking because I was getting my PT certification over the weekend, and wouldn't have the opportunity. Well the nice folks at AFAA notified me that the workshop is being updated in October and that I'd be better off waiting until then to do the training. So now I'm face with the horror of the weekend again and I'm determined not to take 24 hours off like I did last weekend (where I ate a whole pizza, mind you, and I felt nauseous all day afterwards).
Horror #1 - Dinner for my roommates birthday - herre's the menu:
http://www.thechaya.com/sfindex.htm
I might actually call the restaurant and interrogate them about the menu - I don't eat white rice, meat/chicken, oil, dairy or any breads.
Horro #2 - I'm helping my friend move, and we're getting beers afterwards. I want/like to drink! Can I not? Can I just have one? AND, when I go to a specialty brew pub, they don't have light beers!
Who knows what else will hit me in the face.
Well here are some NSV's from yesterday and today
NSV:
1 - I got through my day yesterday w/o going overboard, lunch at chili's i had the guitless grill and only ate 1/2 of my salmon, and asked for no cheese on the veggies (i just say i'm lactose intolerant now) and at dinner i ordered a salad with no dressing, salsa instead, and it just had black beans and corn on top, asked for no cheese, no tortilla chips, no chicken (i'm bad at estimating, so i just for-go the chicken when i'm out).
2 - one of my friends from school who I hadn't seen in 4 weeks commented on my ripped biceps!
3 - this morning I ran the 3.65 mile loop all the way w/o stopping on the really really steep hill I always stop to walk on! I did it in 41min45 sec!
And I got on the scale before lunch today, it was a manual scale with the sliding weights and it said I was 137.25 That's exciting since after this weekend I was carrying so much water I weighed in at 144 Monday morning!
Report on yesterday - well I ate a little more hard candy than I wanted to - this girl in my office brought some in and I was just picking all day. And we are also running a corporate wide "innovation Jam" to solicit new ideas, and at this small event they had tiny pb&j sandwhiches out for us all to snack on. I got a plate and started snacking, I don't even know if I just had 1 or 2 or 3, but at some point I was getting ready to leave with a plate and I took it all and chucked it. So atleast my conscious took over my food part of the brain and did what I was suppose to!
I'm still eating after 7 which is not good, but I find that I'm really waining at night, and it's too hot to go to sleep, anyone else feel this way?
I did go to the gym after work yesterday (on top of bootcamp in the morning). I did 45 min on the stairmaster and then worked on doing pullups. I can do 1 with 20 lbs assistance, not too shabby?
Well on to Day 3. Lunch and Dinner are being eaten at chili's and Raleigh's (a local bar) because of 1) going away party for a co-worker, and 2) my roommate's birthday. It's going to be a tough day, but I planned out all my food on fitday.com, and my WW leader firmly says that if you have a plan, you're 10 times more likely to make it through the tough situations.
On another note, I think because I've been doing double workouts the past two days, this morning's bootcamp was sooooo hard. We did sprints with medicine balls and then a lot of shoulder and arms work. She always has us do as many reps until we max out, so it's pretty tiring! I'm going to be in pain. . .
Well atleast yesterday I didn't have any dairy - I need to keep making sure that I don't eat it. Today I'd just like to follow my plan!
Things I could have done better yesterday:
So the candy was just bad. I still haven't said NO TO DAIRY yet, and that's my goal for this week so I need to try for just one day w/o dairy. Today will be the day!
I had bootcamp this morning and ran for 58 minutes! It was such a great feeling. I'm still sitting in my workout clothes in my office. I decided to take a shower at 9:30 am right before Environmental Safety Workshop (its mandatory!)
Anyway, I find that if I stay busy after work with things to do, I don't overeat or get myself in trouble. Lets try day 2!
I'm trying to post every morning (maybe evening now that I have my laptop in San Jose) about my 12 day adventure on my bootcamp instructor's diet.
So like I said before, I've had some accomplishments as of late, kicking both nail biting and caffeine/carbonation. Unfortunately this weekend, I smoked 5 or so cigarettes, which is not so good, and I broke my dairy rule. Last week's primary goal was to kick dairy, but i had dairy thursday - sunday.
Anyway, why am I having this 12 day adventure? Actually, it's because I'm getting my Personal Trainer Certification this weekend and I'm in my last two weeks of my bootcamp. I'm going to push through the next 12 days - 10 of which I will be at bootcamp each morning, and 3 of which I will be taking my PT workshop. This is the best opportunity to not let extracurricular activities sabotage my weigh-loss efforts.
Day 1 Menu:
Nectarine
1/2 cup steel cut oats with 1 tbsp Cinnamon
3 celery stalks
1 roma tomato
2 cups romain lettuce
5 oz of canned tuna in water
1/4 c. garbanzo beans
6 oz blueberries
1 peach
20 baby carrots
That's just what I will eat before dinner. Hopefully dinner will be a small piece of fish.
Macronutrient Profile:
Fat: 11 g (max: 16)
Carbs: 145 g (max: 183)
Protein: 60 g (max 78)
A 4 oz. piece of tilapia will keep me a little short of carbs and fat (but that's okay), so I may need to throw in just a little bit more quinoa or brown rice at dinner, unless I get my hands on some green beans or broccoli.
I do have to go food shopping tonight. . .
