05/23/2011 16:58
Taking it Inside
One of the advantages of slow weight loss is that it's an opportunity to practice for the rest of life. But I didn't realize that when I first started.
Gradually, the gravity of the promise I had made to myself became apparent. There was no going back. OMG! I promised myself that no matter how much I lost, my weight have yoyoed upward for the last time. I was going to have to get serious.
That meant I had to do some serious lifestyle changes. For good, not just until I was happy with the number on the scale. If I returned to any of my old habits, maintenance wouldn't be possible. But I had no idea what maintenance would look like or feel like, because I had never done it before. I had a lot of thinking to do.
When I went to a restaurant, never again could I polish off a whole entrée at one sitting. No more large servings or going for seconds. Exercise every day—every day! No more eating without thinking about what was going in my mouth, and considering whether every bite was worth the calories. And I had to get the bingeing under control. It was almost too much to think of. I began to feel overwhelmed at the enormity of what I had promised myself. And then I began to wonder if I would really be able to do it.
With my track record, who was I to think I could pull if off? The doubts started piling up. I wasn't even halfway done, and already I was projecting into the future and beginning to see that failure was possible. The way my thoughts were going, my goals were headed for trouble.
I had to take it inside my head and get my thoughts in order. Eventually I realized that I would have to take it one day at a time, and be patient with myself. Habits of a lifetime do not change to a new way of doing things overnight. The first habit I had to change was my that of only seeing the negatives.