05/22/2011 18:00
One is the Loneliest Number
Fat discrimination, though an ever-growing segment of society is obese, is still accepted by our society. Because of this, overweight can spawn isolation, as people feel justified in shunning the fat person. The prospect of this occurring is so scary to some, that it leads to avoiding social occasions, hesitance to contribute in business meetings, and lack of self-confidence in relationships with people.
When you're the fattest one in the room at gathering after gathering, and are subjected to devaluation because of it, you tend to withdraw or avoid gatherings entirely. You have been "put in your place" by prevailing attitudes, and people feel pretty comfortable putting you there. With a growing waistline, we withdraw more and more as we sense the disapproval.
We even disapprove of ourselves!
I once had a friend who didn't mind my overweight at all: Indeed I eventually realized that she manipulated the friendship because of my lack of self-confidence. The "friendship" was fine in her eyes, as long as I filled the role of My Fat Friend. It gave her the upper hand, and over the years it became more and more of a one-way street.
Then I had to go and lose weight. She never once commented on it, encouraged me, or complimented me in the year it took to lose 56 pounds. Gradually, I realized that the things she was saying to me, the pushing food on me, and the total lack of support for my efforts, were because she felt more comfortable when I was fat, hovering in the background, and not asserting myself into conversations or activities.
I was really hurt when I finally realized that my conditional friendship with her was predicated on my being overweight. Our "friendship" became more and more of a one-directional affair until I finally had to call it off. Her attitude was eating away at my serenity, and making me long to have the old us back. I found myself eating. In the back of my mind, I think I was subconsciously trying to fulfill that longing, by re-gain.
I searched my heart and soul, and decided it was time to choose between her and the me I wanted to be. I chose me.