About a month ago I had a two part physics test. I take school pretty seriously, so I studied, and studied and studied for it. I was very stressed by it, so I didn't worry about food and ate horribly. I had tater tots and frozen pizza and late night delivery food. When it was all over I took a deep breath and realized that eating that food essentially made me feel like crap. I didn't make any drastic goal, and I didn't plan anything out. I just decided I would make a concious effort not to eat things that did not make me feel good. I also woke up one morning and went to the gym for the first time in probably a year. Its been over a month since that, and I feel great. I don't know if I've lost much weight, but some of my clothes feel loser, and overall I just feel more comfortable with my body. I'm not obsessed with food like I used to be. I've gone to the gym inconsistantly - when I have the time, I go, and when I don't, I don't guilt trip myself about it. This is so different than any other time I've tried dieting - because it's not dieting at all. It's making a concious effort to improve my health without worrying about how fast I lose weight or if I slip up (which I have, twice - and I haven't felt bad about it).
So that's where I'm at now. I love it, I hope this can continue for... forever really. I'm pretty convinced this is the way to be.
I'm so excited for the changes I will make for myself - they are changing my direction - creating a better future.
I haven't even stuck to the plan the past couple of days - but it is only destructive to be down on myself. Tomorrow I will start again, make more improvements. I can look back on accomplishments to move forward, but I won't let shortcomings drag me behind.
I messed up. It started when I went on a 4 day vacation about two weeks ago. From then until now, I just didn't have my mind in the right place, I ate whatever I wanted, I gained the small amount of weight I lost back for the most part. But it's okay.
Every time you fail, you learn another way that doesn't work. For me, I'm restarting, re-energizing, getting back into the lifestyle but fixing the things that didn't work.
Not having time to eat breakfast didn't work. Going for hours in the middle of the day at work didn't work. Not exercising didn't work.
Because I love cooking, not just food, I need to still put effort into making delicious dinners, just ones that don't have all the things I don't need - starchy carbs, extra fat, sugar.
I need to go to the gym. I'm lying to myself to say I don't have the time. I do. I just need to MAKE the time.
Yesterday it was super hot out and I wore a skirt. Because of being overweight, my legs rubbed together and chaffed and it was painful and frustrating. It's frustrating to have all this excess. I want it gone, I want a lean body, and I am willing to work for it.
Sometimes I feel suffocated by all the excess fat on my body, it feels unbearable.
I have almost every other piece of my life together. I'm very smart, and I'm putting that knowledge to use - I have great grades, I do outside activities, I have an internship where I use my awesome data skills, I work extra jobs, I do graphic and layout design, I have great friends, loving family, I'm crafty, creative and an excellent cook.
This is the last piece of the puzzle for a full, happy, fullfilling life.
who would have thought, one week in with relitivly little struggle? it just hasn't been that hard, temptation is not so tempting i guess. i can count the little mistakes ive made, a few bites of fried tortilla, a little overboard on fruit, half of a mango smoothie my my brought home, maybe the cassarole was a bit on the greasy side. i had one piece of cake yesterday as a treat, it was the only treat all week. and the great thing was, when i was eating it, i was like "i'm not enjoying this that much, it's really, really sweet."
i think i need to do a bit more calorie cutting than i am, but so far no binging, no eating something and then regretting it, no excessive fullness. i dont feel or see a difference but hopefully by this time next week i will.
today felt so easy again. i ate some fruit, which i was orginally going to stay away from for a few weeks in accordance with south beach, but my mom put it on my plate, and i thought, why not? it's not fruit that's made me gain all the weight i have (cheese fries might have had something to do with it...) at night i made an eggplant and cheese dish that probably was a bit on the fatty side, but i only had once slice to keep it in control.
i was thinking about how accustomed you can get to unhealthy behaviors, so much that it becomes subconcious. for example, the night after i had my realization and my motivation was sky high, i opened the candy jar in the hall at work, before realizing that of course i will be staying away from candy. i didn't feel tempted, it wasn't a debate in my head, i just didn't think about it at all. it was weird to think if i hadn't caught myself earlier i would've actually ate a piece or two without even knowing i had broke my promises to myself.
listening to inside out weight loss has made me realize that overeating really is related to emotions, even though i never considered myself an emotional eater. eating for me offered comfort and stress relief, one less thing to worry over. i pull off a lot in my regular school life: i got a 3.9 last semester, i work 10 hours a week, and i put in tons of hours on the school paper. i know how to balance things but the weight was the one thing i couldn't handle. it's interesting because the host of the show said she used to be the same way! i totally related. this also makes sense because i'm always able to eat healthy and exercise regularly in the summer, because my stress level is considerably lower... i don't need that extra comfort. so what's the solution to this? the host of the show says to tell that part of us that seeks comfort for food "thank you very much, i appreciate you trying to help me and make me feel better through eating, but i don't need this gift." if i need this sort of intense stress relief i will be concious of my desire to overeat and do something else comforting... take a bath, watch some reality tv, cuddle with the dog, etc. it's not going to burn many calories but hopefully it will take the edge off those desires.
lastly, here's a few more to add onto my list of motivators -if i lose a bit of weight i can fit into a pair of pants i really need for work. right now im switching off between another pair and a skirt and that's it. my current clothes will also fit with more ease. -i dislike that weird bellybutton outline thing on my shirt ive got going on because of my protruding chub. -there is such a good feeling to seeing the scale go down and knowing you are doing the right thing for yourself.
p.s. i'm really heartbroken about the celtics right now. i don't like kobe and it hurt to see him win again. there's always next year...
I probably haven't been eating enough. I got up around 11 and had a big cup of yogurt before work, and afterwards around 5-ish, I went to chipotle and for the first time ever did not get a burrito, i got a salad. chipotle is notorious for being extreamly caloric, but my problem food is carbs, and when i avoid them im totally in control. i cringed when i figured out the salad was about 850 calories, but with that and the yogurt being the only things i ate today, i don't think i went over any limits.
i haven't figured out the exercise thing yet, i know it has to happen but with my summer schedule being different i'm not sure where to incorporate it yet. i have the 30 day shred dvd and i might do that.
i also thought of two more motivators since my last post (you'll probably see a lot of these on my blog): -looking better for the family wedding i'm going to next week - a very short term one -looking better for going back to school - it's going to be very hot and im not going to be able to hid under sweaters, jackets and jeans
I had a great first day, it wasn't even difficult... I know that it's not going to be this breezy all the time, but this was an encouraging start. I listened to Inside Out Weight Loss last night and for some reason it really works to motivate me. I don't know if it works for everyone or not, but I highly reccommend listening in if you need some encouragement.
I was just thinking about things that motivate me to do this:
My daily work clothes fitting with more ease. Being able to fit into the business suit I bought a few years ago. Rediscovering all the clothes I love but can't fit into any more. More health, energy... creating a better future for my health. Not wasting my youth being fat. Having nice legs again. Not having fat arms, because I didn't always. Having a thinner face Wearing a leotard and looking good in it. Not feeling the discomfort of my fat folding on my sides and front when I sit down. Avoiding the gross feeling of being excessivly full. Moving first to the "overweight" BMI catagory, then to the "normal"
I'll think of more of these I'm sure, this is just a start.
So it's been way too long. You can probably guess I haven't been too focused on diet. Being in school and juggling a million things makes it harder, especially when I can't cook for myself and there is a serious lack of healthy vegetarian food on campus. I'm going to figure this out though. Luckily I haven't gained much weight in school (I actually gained more at home over the holidays) and I'm not too frustrated. I just need to eat the right things. I love cooking, and there are a lot of healthy things I like to make. This semester my goal is to incorporate healthy eating and going to the gym into my priorities. It will be difficult, but I know if I can stay in the right mind set and establish a routine I can do it. This blog is definitely a part of it.
So it's been a crazy week... I've been working really hard on a program for new freshman, and I've finally had time to relax. My friends are back, and it's really nice to see them again. There was a lot of opportunities to eat poorly this week. I think I avoided about half of them. I think that was actually not too bad because this week was exceptional - normally I will be eating at other places. I went to the gym for the first time this morning and worked out for 45 minutes. That felt good because a. - i never went to the gym once last year, b. it was really hot outside, and c. now I know I can do it. I stepped on the scale at the gym, and found that I weighed 167.5. That's a bit down! It's a different scale, so I know it could be because of that, but last year when I weighed myself on this scale I was about 178 - so I know I've gone down. I know everything is going to be crazy busy this year - so I won't update the blog super often, but I will be sure to check in from time to time
I've been really crappy as of late about updating my blog. I've also been kinda crappy on my diet. Coincidence? I think not. The truth is, I'm getting ready to go back to school, and it's stressing me out like no other. I'm kind of afraid of flying, but not to the point that I won't get on a plane. (it used to be that way!) I also go to school 3500 miles away from home, so that's a bit of a stress point for me. I've been kinda preoccupied by all this stuff, so I haven't really been doing the eating well. I'm still not eating sweets, and I've gone to the gym a few times this week, but I'm just can't focus on this at the moment. The good news is that I haven't fallen off the wagon too much. I've maybe gained a pound or so, but I'm going to take that off next week once I settle down. I'm just a worrier. That's how I am.
Ok so two questions, one is technical, one is personal. 1. Where are my old posts? Why is it knocks a post off everytime I post a new one, but there is no second page. Can anyone tell me what's going on? 2. What makes you relax?
