I think it isn't too bad. I stepped on the scale this morning and I was at 251. It will probably go down between now and my official weigh in on Friday just due to water retention.
My goal is to workout tonight. I got the new EA Active 2, lets hope it kicks my butt.
And on a completely unrelated note, I found Celestial Seasonings Holiday flavors up at the grocery store near my inlaws and bought them. I tried the Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride this morning. OMG it really tastes like sugar cookies. Seriously yum!
It is so hard sometimes...
To put yourself as a priority. Life has a way of pulling you one way or another and before you realize it is the end of the day and you haven't made anytime to exercise or take care of yourself.
Almost 2 years
That is how long its been since my last post. I've probably gained and lost 10 pounds 7 or 8 times in this time period. I'm back to only 2 pairs of pants fitting me and I have a wide array of jeans that are way too small. I really need to spend as much time on me as I do on my kids.
Yes, I've really gained 14 lbs since October.
I've seem to have lost my motivation, but I really need to get better. I pledged to lose 25lbs by April 1st for The Biggest Loser's Pound-for-Pound Challenge. I'd better get in gear.
It showed a decent loss, sorta. I'm still up from my massive birthday gain.
Today's weight was even lower but I'm not expecting that to stick around. DH and I are going on a date tonight We do it so rarely and this is the first time I will ever have been to The Melting Pot, I'm just going to eat and not worry.
Yesterday (10/1) was my birthday. I had mexican carryout and birthday cake along with a glass of wine. On top of that, Nate has recently decided waking up every 4 hours to eat is a good idea. So I'm sure I'm retaining some water and with my poor food choices and craptastic sleep, the scale said I'm up 4.6 lbs today .
I just have to keep going and hopefully I'll have a better number on the scale next week.
The past 2 weeks I have logged a loss, yippee! I've been doing weight watchers because they do have a plan for nursing mothers. It is going so slowly. I know that is good in my brain, I need to make sure I do eat plenty so Nate has proper nutrition and plenty of milk.
I wanted to get to 200 by Christmas because we are going to take family pictures then but I don't think I'll make it. I'm not going to let that stop me in trying to lose as much as possible before then however. I want to look better than I did 2 years ago when we took the last family portraits.
Why am I fat?
Well of course I know the "logical" answer to that, I eat to much and don't exercise enough. But I think in order to lose the weight and keep it off, I need to dig a little deeper than the obvious answer.
So why am I fat?
In elementary and junior high, I was picked on a lot. It wasn't for anything out of the ordinary (name, clothes, etc). I was also painfully shy so I had a hard time making friends. So by the time high school rolled around, I wanted excuses for people to not like me subconsciously. So I gained weight. I hid behind my weight so I had an excuse to not approach people. I didn't put myself "out there" so to speak because I rejected myself before they could reject me. In my mind, it was okay to be picked on because I was fat because I couldn't change it (I justified my wight in my head with the typical excuses "I'm big boned" "Its genetic").
So I slid further into myself. My fat has become my protective barrier from the world. I don't have to try to conquer my other faults (such as my extreme shyness) as long as I can hide. I try to blend in and not call attention to myself as much as possible, that is easier when you are fat. A lot of people like to avoid fat people like the plague, I don't know, I guess it may be contagious. Or maybe that is my self-defense mechanism again.
I'm not happy being that person anymore. I need to change and grow to be a better wife and mother for my family. I know one of the biggest steps I need to take is to lose this extra baggage.
So that is where I am now, but I'm scared. I don't know the person I will be when I get done. What happens if I still don't like myself? How will I get the self-confidence to overcome my shyness? How will I learn to not care what other people might think of me? These are very important questions but I don't have the answers right now. The only thing I can do is stop clinging to this fat persona that I created and find out what waits for me on the other side. I CAN do it and I need to do it, for me.
I seriously need a kick in the rear. I'm not happy at my current weight and it keeps inching higher!
Maybe looking at the BMI charts will give me some needed motivation. I'm sure most people know that "normal" is between 18 and 24.9. Once you hit 25 you are classified as overweight. And then once you get to 30 you are OBESE. Guess where I am right now. 223 is 36 so I'm still obese, but not yet morbidly obese (which kicks in at 40.)
But this needs to change. Right now I can only limit my calories so much (approx 1800) to continue to successfully breastfeed. I need to carve out some time during the day to exercise. And I need to quit making excuses.
Just wanted to post a picture of my goofballs