Boyfriend's gone...

My boyfriend left for Vietnam today for two weeks.  On his way out, I said, "Take a look...When you get back, I will be 10 lbs lighter".  I'm really excited about starting back up.

I have wanted to lose weight for a while now, but I really went off track since I started.  I really think I will be able to do it now.  Its not because my boyfriend left but I want to make him proud. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not losing weight for my boyfriend but he helps.  I want to look nicer for myself and him.

Anyway, I wil be able to do it now...I know I can.

My boyfriend helped me..

I've started trying again. again.. again...

I did pretty well today.  I wanted a quesidilla but i didn't really want it because I'm sure I could find something else that was healthier. So I told my dad that I wanted the quesadilla but I didn't really want it.  So he suggested we go to starbucks first.  If I still wanted food afterwards, then he would get it for me.

I got a short coffee and a salad.  We stayed and talked and by the time we were done, I was over the quesadilla.  Even though I didn't immediately get over it, it took at least 30 minutes or more.

Then I went home and ate a few chips.  I shouldn't have because my boyfriend already cooked.  I was waiting for him to eat with me, and I rationalized the chips as a "tie me over" snack.  Even though it was a bad choice, i made really go choices throughout the day.

Later, I went back to the chip bag and got three times as much to snack on.  My boyfriend came into my room and I tried to hide the chips.  I would have hid them but then I stopped and said, I really shouldn't be eating these chips and my boyfriend says that he will support me.  So I just pulled them out from my hiding place and asked him to take them away.  He was dissapointed but took them away, thus saving me from bad food.  Yeah! Boyfriend!

I woke up at 6:00 am this morning and I hope to do it again tomorrow. We'll see.

compulsive overeating

Well, I think I failed.  But at least I know why now, maybe...

I have always had problems with eating (who hasn't) but mine has been since youth (again, who hasn't).  One of my biggest problem is that I finally feel comfortable with what I am suppose to eat and when and how but I just can't.  I used to say that and people just said that I was lazy, had no will power, and if I really wanted it, I would just do it.  I never understood why I couldn't either.  I felt (feel) very dissapointed after everytime I ate because I didn't understand why I did it.  I would have a conversation in my head, against myself.  I would ask myself, why are you eating this?  you know you are not suppose to.  You just ate.  You're not even hungry.  Just stop. STOP!

But I never can...I believe I am a compulsive overeater.  I wish I had some tuype of appetite suppresant.  Not so that I can quit eating but so that it wouldn't be as hard to eat right.  I know how to eat 3 meals a day with two smaller snacks.  I know how to eat the correct servings of fruits and vegetables (I'm actually vegan).  But it can't try to do it when there is something that takes over my mind.

I don't know what to do.  My doctor won't give me appetite suppresants.  I just wish I could stop eating.

Its not working.

Oh my gosh,

What happened?  I was so excited about working out and losing the weight.  I got up so easily on Monday, it was a little tougher on Tuesday but I still thought I could do it.

That was it.  On Wednesday it pretty much stopped and yesterday? Well, yesterday I didn't even eat the way I should have and I didn't work out at all.

I'm back into my orginal, "who cares, I don't feel like it" but obviously I do care.  I really want it but I don't know what stopping me.  Its not as easy as just saying get up and do it or stop giving yourself excuses. 

I haven't even eaten breakfast yet.  I'm really slacking off in life and I am not sure why.  I'll try again today...hmph!

Ugh!

I didn't wake up yesterday or today to go running.  Actually, yesterday I did wake up but it was raining and my boyfriend was worried about my "health" (or just didn't want his central heating, ie Me, to leave him cold).  I did have the intention to get up anyway, but then I went back to sleep, just to snooze.  I woke up 45 minutes later and it was too late to run and be back on time.  I ended up walking around a 2.5 mi. park nearby.  My intention was to walk around once and run around the second time.  But I didn't run.  It had been raining while I was walking and think the water added to my clothes, made my body heavier and made me more tired.

Today, I really don't have an excuse.  I told myself last night that I didn't want to run this morning.  Well, that is exactly what happened.  I start to rationalize why things won't or shouldn't work just so I can get out of it.  That's what I used to do too.  I will really really try to get up tomorrow and run.  I finaly bought a poncho, so I don't have any excuse.

Wish me good luck!

I actually got up...

Wow.  I didn't know if I could do it another day.  I know, its actually only been one day.  But I was excited yesterday, I was tired today.  But after some moaning and groaning, I finally got out of bed and went for my run.  It felt colder today than yesterday.  I warmed up after a few blocks.  I felt pretty proud of myself because I ran a lot more than i did yesterday.  I ended up walking back though. I didn't really have a good reason, I just was kind of lazy.

My food intake was pretty good.  It went as planned.  Except I still didn't eat my snack like I was suppose to.  I plan to eat breakfast, lunch then a snack and then dinner.  But I end of eating lunch and feeling really hungry still and then eating a snack as part of my lunch.  Today my snack was half a large apple and some cashews.  Instead I ate some flaxseed tortilla chips and salsa.  I definately ate more chips than I should have but its ok.  The weird part is, after I eat that type of lunch, i'm not hungry again until much later.  I would like to set myself up with the meal, meal, snack, meal schedule but maybe if this is working I should keep going.  That means I have a larger lunch than I have been planning. I'll see if that will work.

Like I said yesterday, my friend bailed for this week on running on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  So I decided to run myself.  But by the time I got done with all that I had to do today, it was too dark and I didn't feel safe.  I could have just went home and convinced myself that because I already worked out this morning, it was fine that I skipped this afternoon.  But then I would be giving myself excuses and that is what I am used to.  That's how I failed in the past.  So I kept on driving past my house and went to my usual block, the one I run in the morning.  I ran even more than I did this morning.  i did end up walking back though, again.  Hmmm...I wonder if that is really such a big deal.  Probably not.

Now I'm home and looking forward to tomorrow.  I hope I can get up again.  I plan on doing weight training for my legs tomorrow. I'm hopeful of what will come these next three weeks.  I will be leaving for Louisiana in the middle of November so I only have a few weeks to tone up.

Is it true that I can only reasonably hope to lose 1 or 1 1/2 lbs a week?  That kind of sucks because I will be working out vigorously for 4 weeks and I won't even see a difference.  Don't worry (not that you are) but I do plan on continuing my work out after I get back but this was just the initial motivation.  My goal date is January 1st, me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary.  He's great!

Next day - first day working out...

Well, I did in fact wake up at 6:00 in the morning and went out running.  I felt pretty safe but it wasn't exactly busy on the street that I was running on so I still have to be a little careful.  I was suprised to see a few other people running.

I ate breakfast as planned, lunch as planned. I didn't have the snack I planned to eat, instead I ate pita chips and hummus.  I don't think I went overboard on the pita chips.  At least I hope I didn't.

I had a pretty good dinner but I'm sure I definately ate too many sweet potato fries.  I can't do that again. (its ok because I ate them all anyway and I don't have anymore).

I also ran in the afternoon and did some weight training for about 45 minutes on my upper half, arms, chest and shoulders. I'm really out of shape.

I also drinked a lot of water but it was easier today because I didn't have to travel as much.  I hate peeing, especially when I'm out and about and I have to find a public restroom.  That's usually what my excuse was for not drinking water.

Now that its getting colder and more rainy, I don't think I have the gear to run in that weather.  The rain and cold itself won't stop me but I don't want to get hypothermia. My boyfriend told me to get a poncho. Hmm...I guess.

Lets see if I can get up tomorrow morning and do it all over again...

First Day

Today is my first day trying again.  Actually, its really late at night the day before I start.  I'm signing up to give me encouragement to continue working hard.

I have two goals.  The first is to lose at least a clothing size within a month.  I'm planning on visiting my family that I haven't seen in a year and I don't want to look like I gained weight.  My second goal is my ultimate goal, which is to lose 30 - 35 pounds by January.  I know that's pushing it but I have known for a long time what needs to be done for that to be successful but I just haven't been doing it.  I think if I keep up with what I suppose to do, it will work. 

I decided I would elicit the help and support from a friend who is also in need of some weight loss support.  Tomorrow morning, she is suppose to call me at 6:00 am to help me get up and do some running.  Of course I want to but I just haven't been able to make myself do it.  My boyfriend will try to wake me up to but that requires him to wake up early to wake me up.  I can't bet on that. Me and my friend developed a menu for tomorrow and we are going to work out three days a week together. 

I hope this works....Here goes the weight!