compulsive overeating

Well, I think I failed.  But at least I know why now, maybe...

I have always had problems with eating (who hasn't) but mine has been since youth (again, who hasn't).  One of my biggest problem is that I finally feel comfortable with what I am suppose to eat and when and how but I just can't.  I used to say that and people just said that I was lazy, had no will power, and if I really wanted it, I would just do it.  I never understood why I couldn't either.  I felt (feel) very dissapointed after everytime I ate because I didn't understand why I did it.  I would have a conversation in my head, against myself.  I would ask myself, why are you eating this?  you know you are not suppose to.  You just ate.  You're not even hungry.  Just stop. STOP!

But I never can...I believe I am a compulsive overeater.  I wish I had some tuype of appetite suppresant.  Not so that I can quit eating but so that it wouldn't be as hard to eat right.  I know how to eat 3 meals a day with two smaller snacks.  I know how to eat the correct servings of fruits and vegetables (I'm actually vegan).  But it can't try to do it when there is something that takes over my mind.

I don't know what to do.  My doctor won't give me appetite suppresants.  I just wish I could stop eating.