Yesterday I started over. I, for some reason, have not been able to commit to dieting. In high school, I started losing weight. I have continuously lost weight for the past few years. However, since December, I have, for the first time, gained weight back.
For the first time in 3 years, I have things in my closet that don't fit. I am absolutely devastated and ashamed. I did this to myself, I just can't believe I did this. Losing weight has always been such a focus of my life and I somehow lost it. I need to get it back, I want to fit back into my clothes. I refuse to go up a size in jeans, so I'm going to make do with the pairs that fit.
In less than 2 weeks is my 21st birthday. I am not going to be down to where I want to be by then. However, I just want to feel better.
Yesterday, I did amazingly well with eating. Today, not so much. Why I can't do it for more than one day in a row, I have no idea. I really do think stress is a bitch when it comes to dieting. I am taking summer classes that suck, but I can't use that as an excuse. I can't use my birth control as an excuse. I've eaten too much. I need to get myself under control. I am just not sure how I'm going to do it.
I seem to do fine with eating when I'm busy. But, I'm not always going to be busy. I need to find ways to conquer food. I have a 3.9 gpa at a four-year university, a decent shot at getting into a Ph.D. program, and I can't control what I put in my mouth. This is ridiculous.
Sorry about that, now to be more positive. I have to keep in mind that I have lost a significant amount of weight from where I started years ago. Granted, I did it in an unhealthy way. However, I want to hang on to what I've lost, so to speak. So, right now, I am saying that I'm not going to go up in weight any more. I won't be able to weigh myself until probably Monday, and I'll post my weight then.
I'm not going to set a number of pounds to lose as a goal. I think it's difficult to decide how much your body is going to lose each week regardless of how strictly you've followed your diet.
So, instead:
1. I will stay within my calorie limit and make sure to track what I eat. 2. I will work out at least 3 times a week. 3. I won't be afraid of the scale. 4. I will fit back into my clothes in 2 months. 5. I won't be as harsh on myself when I don't follow my diet exactly. 6. I will try out more healthy recipes so I don't get as bored with my diet.
On that note, any good recipes? :)
Also, I will be posting some before pictures of myself to hopefully look at while I'm considering eating something I shouldn't lol.
So...I haven't been updating and I've sort of fallen off track. I've discovered that I need to change my plan. I'm just trying to figure out how.
1. I can't weigh myself all the time. I'm driving myself crazy. I think I'm just going to weigh myself once a week or once every two weeks and try to base my diet on how I feel rather than the number.
2. I'm going to try to only eat when I'm hungry. This is going to be tough, not sure how I'm going to do this still.
3. I'm not going to necessarily deny myself certain foods. I'm just going to try and only eat what I'm craving if I'm really craving it.
I haven't lost any weight since I started this, I'm pretty sure. I haven't been trying, I need to figure this out. On a positive note, I went to the mall recently and still fit into all of the mediums I tried on. That was a relief, but I want to fit into them always.
Today went...alright. My eating wasn't horrible. It wasn't great either. I'm not sure what the scale is going to do. It would be nice to still see a loss. I shouldn't weigh myself tomorrow morning, but I feel like I'm going to anyway.
I tried level 2 of my Jillian dvd today. It was...intense. I'm not sure I was ready for it, but I was beginning to feel comfortable for level 1. For anyone who has done that video, it is a giant leap from one level to the next lol. Oh well, I'm going to still try it again tomorrow.
I really can't seem to focus on my eating. I want so badly to be back down in the 140s by June, but for some reason I can't stay away from junk food. I need to figure it out. I'm only doing it to myself.
Day 15 (yesterday): My eating was almost perfect yesterday despite it being a not-s-great day overall. I also completed Day 7 of my Jillian workout.
Enter Day 16: I weighed myself this morning and did not have the loss I was hoping for. I gained 3.5lbs overnight between Sunday and Monday. I don't understand how I can gain so much in one night, but it takes me an entire week to lose it again. I've done this to myself 3 weeks in a row, I think. It needs to stop. I'm driving myself crazy. Anyways, hoping for a good day today! Planning on doing Day 8 of my workout dvd and the rest of the day is devoted to homework and my internship. Have a great day everyone!
Day 14 (yesterday) was horrible as far as eating goes. I ate A LOT, however, I didn't think it was THAT much. It apparently was. In one night, let me reiterate: one night, I gained 3.6 pounds. Now, I know: weight fluctuations, water retention, remaining food, I get it. However, what this definitely means is that in one day, I put on all the weight I have lost in two weeks. That is upsetting. It's most upsetting because I did it to myself.
Only high note of yesterday: the binging was good (I don't know about other people, but I can enjoy my binging experience for quite a long time, only until I literally feel sick do I stop enjoying it. I do feel guilty throughout the entire experience...but I love food, especially in massive quantities). Okay, that wasn't the high note of yesterday. The real high note is that I completed Day 6 of my Jillian 30 day workout dvd and spent Mother's Day with my great mom :)
However, I'm changing some things. I'm changing my goal date. It's going to be much farther in the future than it is. I think having a certain date in my head is truly stressing me out. I know I am not going to be at the weight I want to be at by June 6 (my birthday). However, I can feel better and be smaller than I am now by then. That is my goal. I feel like one day I can be down to 130. I am just not going to have a predetermined date in my head for that day.
I'm pretty happy about this seeing as I was 2 pounds higher on Friday. Yesterday I did my fifth day of the Jillian 30 day workout and my fiance and I walked about 7 miles (sunburned...). But, I'm feeling pretty good. However, today I have to go out to eat for Mother's Day. I love my mom but I wish I didn't have to eat the extra calories. As a habit, Sundays are usually my binge days, I'm going to do my best to break that habit.
I'm planning on doing my Jillian workout later and am hoping to maintain tomorrow, I just don't want to gain. Hope everyone has a great Mother's Day!
Yesterday was horrible. As far as dieting goes, it was so so. I did end up having to go to Applebee's and being peer-pressured into ordering the horrible quesadilla burger. However, I literally ate 1/4 of it and half the fries. It was not a good choice, but it could have been much worse. Yesterday was just all-around not fun. I ended up crying because of my weight gain (my fiance was great) and then crying because of something that happened at work (again, he was great) and then crying again...and again about work.
Today has been a little better. I didn't do my Jillian workout dvd today. I suppose today will be my day off. Hopefully I'll be able to do it tomorrow :). My eating hasn't been perfect today, but it hasn't been disgusting either. I'm hoping I don't gain over the weekend. I really want to see some changes by my birthday (in one month, exactly). I hope everyone is starting their weekend off well!
It has been 11 days. I have lost .6 pounds in total lol. Awesome. I'm pretending it's due to working out, I don't think it is. I guess I'm not going to officially weigh in until Monday because it will be so discouraging to see my weight chart go that far back up. I started out this week at 155.6, so I guess it's almost 2 pounds lost this week, but I'm still feeling discouraged.
Oh well! Going to go do my Jillian dvd and then eat some breakfast and then try to figure out what to do at Applebee's...gah.
I have to say, I'm rather disappointed with myself for having "done" this for 10 days. I'm pretty sure I have lost close to nothing. I haven't been able to weigh myself since Monday, we'll see what I weigh tomorrow. I'm hoping it's a loss. However, I did snack today, so I'm not expecting it to be awesome.
Secondly, tomorrow I feel is going to be a disaster. Applebee's is having a Cinco de Mayo special that my mom is insisting we participate in for Mother's Day. It includes a quesadilla burger (which turns out to be 1240 calories :S), fries, and chips and salsa for $5. Well, fuck. I'm not sure what to do. I'm definitely only eating half if that. Maybe I should take the top tortilla off? For those who haven't seen it, it's basically a burger that is encased in a tortilla instead of a bun. I almost thought it would have been less calories than a regular burger, it is definitely not.
On a more positive note, I've completed day 3 of my Jillian dvd. I really love that work out. I'm starting to get better at level 1. I can only imagine what level 2 and 3 are like. I am going to do a full 10 days on each level. Hopefully I'll see a difference at the end. I hope everyone has had a successful diet day!
Oh, on a side note. What does everyone do to cure chocolate cravings? I have cut out candy all together until my birthday (June 6) to try and teach myself that I don't actually NEED real chocolate. I feel like I might actually need it. I've been doing okay with sugar free pudding and diet hot chocolate, but any other recommendations?
So, the event tonight went okay. I had two small desserts (a lemon bar and a brownie that my fiance ate the frosting off of). I guess it was okay, I didn't need either dessert, but I could have done worse. I'm feeling rather down about myself tonight for some reason. I just feel like I look really big in the mirror. I am so upset with myself for letting my weight go back up, I have been consistently (and slowly) losing or maintaining for about 3 years.
Also, I realized I haven't really said much about myself yet. I figured now was the time. I am an undergraduate student studying Psychology. I'm not exactly sure where I'm heading with this. I am hoping some form of graduate school is in my future. I also am an intern for an organization that provides services to women that are victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Lastly, I work as an after-school teacher teaching 5th and 6th graders for an hour every other day. It is harder than what it sounds.
I recently got engaged (March 14th) to the greatest guy and feel so lucky to have him. We're trying to team up with the weight loss, we both love food, though lol. Anyways, hoping tomorrow goes perfectly!
