Week 22 WI... WOW, and don't hate me

As of my official WI this morning, I am back to exactly what I was two weeks ago. No change. I am totally thrilled about this!! After 10 days away from the scale, I was getting really antsy, and seriously felt so fat and squishy. I still feel squishy, but I am working on that too.

I think I have decided to take the plunge and join up with Serena's Bikini Challange. Which means I have to buy a bikini... YIKES! I am planning on hitting the store tonight after work, so I will post my goals and stats tonight or tommorow.

Have a great Wednesday everyone!

The best laid plans of mice and men...

...go straight to hell when confronted with Godiva Chocolate and the worlds biggest sweet tooth (not me, but the wife of one of DHs friends)

Oh, hi everyone, I'm back!

Our trip was great, and we had such a great time in Cleveland and Chicago. It was a looooong trip though, and I am so glad to be home!

As I expected, the first part of our vacation was fairly smooth sailing, food and exercise wise. I walked with my mom every morning for an hour (even though it was the least strenuous thing I could do, she wanted to come along, so we went at her pace.). I ate pretty well, although I stopped keeping track of my points right before I dove into a basket of wings. Once we got to Chicago, it was all down hill. I swam a little on the first morning, but when you are part of a group or 11, it is hard to stay sober, much less schedule workout time in. ;) I ate a bunch of stuff that is off plan, including a chocolate drizzled brownie from Godiva... But other than that, I did fairly well staying away from the sweets, save several Captains and Cokes most nights LOL. Mostly, I over did it on the bread. Bleh. I have stayed away from bread for months, and I really overloaded it this past week, and my stomach is not very pleased. Hopefully that will settle down soon.

Early reports show me up 3 pounds, which I am totally ok with. I am extreamly dehydrated though, so today is an offical H2O day, and maybe more of that will come off by tommorow. I am going to go to "hard core" for a week or two, to try and get some of this crap out of my system... and gat those vacation pounds off again quick!

Thanks for checking up on me guys, its nice to be missed! I hope I can do some cath-up tonight, I know I've missed tons!

Ima Leeeeeavin on a jet plane....

I'm about to head out from work... and have a bazillion things to do before we leave! Be good boys and girls while I'm gone 'yall! I may check in while we are staying with the parents, but who can say for sure. I will be back Tuesdayish!

Week 20 WI - A Day Late and a Dollar Short

So yesterday was my offical WI day, and I could not for the life of me get the scale to give me a consistant number. It was telling me everything from 161.8 to 168. Tuesday I was 166.6 and the day before I was 166.8, but I didn't want to jinx myself with that number, so I decided to wait until this morning. 167.4 Beh. I feel all bound up and bloated. Not sure what's going on, but I will take the loss, and move forward!

In other news, I had to try on all my summer cloths again last night for our trip. A lot of my shorts that fit a month or two ago when I tried them on are now too big. Whoops! All my smmuer cloths from college fit me again, so that is good, and there is a pair of shorts that appeared out of no where (I must have bought them while high or something because they never would have fit me since I got out here, and they still have the tags on them) that I am offically in love with. If It was warm enough, and I could get away with wearing them to work, I would never take them off again. They are beautiful! I have added a couple of pictures, per some demands... I mean requests! LOL Still not ready to post anything more revealing... I don't even own a bikini, and never have, so yall will just need to use your imaginations! LOL

The Plan, Stan.

DH and I are leaving at the butt crack of dawn Saturday morning to head 3/4 of the way across the country to visit the 'rents  at the "mistake on the lake" and then on to spend some time in the windy city. We will be gone for 10 days. 10 long days. Without work, which is awesome, but also without the comfort and security of home, and most importantly without the cats (when we were on our honey moon ast year I cried the last day because I missed them so much... do you think it's too weird to make my SIL call while she is at our place feeding them and let me talk to them? Seriously.). I admit that I do get home sick. I love my house, I feel comfortable here, and I don't have to put on an act, be funny, or proper, or entertaining, or listen to my mom talk some more about her friends who I don't know and don't really care about.

It is my first trip since changing my life, and there is some anxiety. Over not only how my family will react to a me 50 pounds smaller than the last time than they had last seen me, but how I am going to handle being out of my comfort zone with the food and the eating, and the moving my lazy vacationing rear.

Fear not though! I have a plan! I and with this plan I am optimistic that I will come home without any extra baggage on the hips, and perhaps even a smiddgen less on my tummy than what I left with.

So the plan, she goes a little something like this:

Sara's Suppa Sweet Plan to Stay on Target While Whopping it up in the Psuedo Mid West

(catchy title, doncha think?)

• Do some form of exercise every day. I am bringing my workout wear, my swim gear, and a DVD or two. There is no reason whatsoever to not at least walk everyday while I'm gone. And that counts Satuday and Monday, our travel days. DH is a good sitter, and he can wait with the carry on's while I hike the airport terminals, if nothing else.
• Use my APs an WPA's, but nothing more, stay core and stay strong! Staying core is easy, as long as you plan ahead. While we are with my parents I should have no problem with this, as we will eat most meals at home. There are two, possibly three things I HAVE to have while I am in Ohio; a REAL Rueben, some REAL wings and IF the oppertunity presents itself, Trail bologna (but it probably won't). But I can fit those into my points without a problem, so I will enjoy these things, in reasonable portions (half a sandwich, and maybe six-eight wings)things emmensly. Chicago may be a bigger challange since we are meeting up with friends and there is sure to be drinking and eating and the like going on all weekend long... but my points reset just before we head out there, so with the APs and some smart planning, I think I will be ok. I also plan on DDing at least one night, so that should help me too!
• Bring my latte maker, as to not drive my self, or my bank account crazy. It is impossible to get a good latte east of the Rockies people. Just as it is impossible to get a good Rueben east of the Ohio state line. It's a known fact. Besides I make a much better (AND WAY CHEAPER) latte than any Starby's anywhere, so cocoa latte, your coming with me! No matter how weird everyone else thinks it is! Plus this keeps me out of Starbucks, which helps saves me from bankrupcy.
• Remember that aside from above mentioned Yumminess, there is nothing on vacation that they don't have at home. And I have already thought this through long and hard, self... so don't try to pull the old "Oh, I forgot about this food! You totally can't get that back home... " bull crap. I've got my eye on you...
• Don't fold to peer pressure! Just because all the cool kids are doing it doesn't mean you have to too! Remember how well good food treats you, and how badly the crappy stuff does. Don't get caught up in the moment, stick to your plan, because it's a good one!
• Don't forget to drink your water! Very important to keep the hungries away!
• Plan plan plan! The blue six pack cooler is coming along for the plane ride, and will be stocked with all things core. Fruit, hard boiled eggs, veggies, water, etc. Said cooler will also make an appearance for the car ride to Chicago and the return trip home. A hungry Sara is a grumpy Sara, so she will stay fed, and stay on plan. Plus with all that money we save on airport and turnpike food, we should have enough to but a drink or two in Chicago!
• Above all, have a good time! Can I get an Amen? Bottom line, this trip is not about food, so lets not make it revolve around it. I won't over stress about what I can an can't eat, but will focus on my family and friends, and the great memories I will bring home.

So, there she is. Posted here for my own accountability. Any thought, comments, suggestions (other than th Cocoa Latte thing-yes, I know Im crazy, but a girls gotta get her dairy in somehow!). Let me know, I'm open for any new tricks or ideas!

Have a great day all, I'm off to bed, tommorow is WI! Woohoo!!!

I have not drowned in a vat of FF Ranch

Just a quick not to let you all know I'm alive and well. I finally had to add up my calories for the day to shut myself up on Thursday. I am back in the land of the semi-sane now....Thanks so much for slaping some sense into me... I needed it. I will blame ToM. He is a little bastard, and you never know what he is going o come up with next. Maybe next month I will be afraid of water making me gain!

Seriously though, thanks for thinking I'm off my rocker,  but still having kind words for me... I really appreciate it! Now I am off to share some of the love!

Happy Monday!

I shoulda kept my mouth shut

oh, it's a hard day.

I hate hard days because I know that I am better than them, and I really hate that I am beating myself up for something that I really shouldn't be.

You see, I have no problem with guilt when I eat a piece of cake, but apparently salad causes a ton of guilty feelings.

I have been working on waiting until I feel real pangs of hunger to eat, rather that eating when I "shoud". It's causing me so much grief. I feel like I blew it today when I ate my salad at about 12:30 because I was hungry... or I thought I was. I don't know anymore. I have been thinking about lunch all morning and felt hungry, but lately I will think I feel hungry, then make myself something yummy, only to not feel so hungry anymore. ANYHOW. I ate my salad, and since I was feeling hungry, I heated up my leftover pork and brown rice. I thought I was satisfied after my salad, but my lunch was hot, and yummy, and sitting on my desk. About 20 minutes later I thought I might be hungry and picket up the food, then didn't so set it back down again... then 10 minutes later said fuck it and ate it... and now I feel full. I hate feeling full. I feel like such a gd'n failure. It is so supid. I ate about 2 cups worth of romaine lettuce with orange peppers, onions, tomato and a tiny drizzle of oilive oil, and less than a cup of lean pork, brown rice and tomato sauce. That is not anywhere near too much food for lunch. But I am past satisfied, so I failed. Bah. I feel itchy, which I always equate with weight gain, even though logically I know its from tanning. The scale showed me up a pound and a half this morning, although ToM arrived yesterday, and I had a sodium laced dinner last night. Said sodium laced dinner last night which consisted of a BK tendergrill sandwich with no sauce (thanks Steph! ;) ) and horrendously over-garlic salted popcorn that was stale tasting, so I didn't even finish all of it (plus I felt not hungry as soon as I sat down with it). Bah Bah Bah! I don't even remember what I was whining about.... oh yes, my il-logical fear of salad causing weight gain.

Seriously guys, I have thoughts of gaining all this weight back racing through my head right now---because of a damn salad. If I would have known I was going to feel this way about it, I would have had a piece of ice cream cake  for lunch! Yell at me, tell me I am off my rocker, PLEASE, knock some sense into me here... I am no where near off program. In fact I am POP. Yet I feel as though I just downed a Big Mac and fries, gallon of coke, three cookies, and a Ventie green tea frappachino WITH whipped cream.

Here is my accountability for the day, just for further proof that I am off my rocker:

S: Banana before morning workout
B: Quiche cup, blueberry oatmeal bar, NF latte
L: Green salad with orange peper, red onion, tomato and 1 oil, Leftover Porkchops Ole
S: Fruit Salad
D: Chicken Monterey (1ap) with seasoned couscous and asparagus.

WPA: (35/35)

Exercise: 45mins elliptical, 15 mins weights (lower), 20 min walk (5 APs earned, 1 used)

Week 19 WI - Officially Offical

I bought my mug yesterday, but refused to take it out of the bag until I got on the scale this morning and was still offically under 169.5. I didn't want to jinx myself!

So I am down another 2 pounds this week... a total of 51.3 pounds lost!  I am less than 5 pounds from a healthy BMI and less than 10 pounds from my driver's licence weight---somewhere I have never ever been since getting my license!

I know I keep saying it, and you all are probably sick of hearing it, and then it not happening, but I am thinking I am going to see a big slow down from this point on with the weight loss. It's got to I think or else even I will hate myself soon!

I'm sorry that I have been slacking on my comments to other blogs lately. Things are slammed at work, and I am trying to post and catch up at lunch or before work, and sometimes it just happens. I am thinking about everyone though, and even get to read a lot of your blogs, I just don't have time to comment sometimes... I'm sorry, I'm working on it!

You are Entering the No Guilt Zone

Saturday afternoon I got together with a couple of girlfriends to celebrate my birthday a little early, since I will be out of town on the big day itself (My birthday is on the 3st, gifts and money are always accepted, harhar). I have not seen either of them for about 30 pounds or so (yes, that's how I measure time now!) and they were both in shock over the changes I have made. It was very nice, and they are both very supportive and great about being sincerly happy for me. We had a delish dinner that was WW friendly, but I had 4 adult beverages that involved the use of coke and rum, and a slice of Ice cream cake that "cost" me 10 points (500 calories for those not familiar with WW). I had so much sugar on saturday, it was insane. But, I had a great time... I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

5 months ago I would have been devestated by what I put into my body on saturday. I would have told myself that I should have been stronger. That I should have stopped drinking at 2 drinks, or not eaten the cake. That I should have been better. I probably would have either been too strict with myself for the next several days, or used my self-proclamed failure as an "excuse" to eat even more crap. Not this time though. I had the points for my eating excursion, and aside from a small headache and a BIG tummy ache, by the time I got home on Saturday night I had put the days eating behind me. I moved on, back to my normal eating habits. This is a huge victory for me. Not letting the food have a hold over me, that is. Not letting it dictate my mood. I see Saturday as a big sucess, because it shows me that I can splurge once in a while, and not have it be the begining of the end. I have beaten down the food demons and shown them whose boss.

The act of losing weight is a simple process. Eat less calories than you use and your body will shed the extra fat. The problem comes in because we have placed such an emotional value on food, and that is a lot harder to get to the bottom of. If we can free ourselves from the emotional chains that we have with food, we can no doubt be sucessfull, but the solution to freeing oneself is different for everyone. There is no majic formula, or pill. There is no one way at all. For me, it was positive self talk, learning to really listen to my body and my mind, really learning about nutrition, and how food SHOULD be used, most of the time, and letting myself see and be motivated by the results that came from the first three. What will work for you?

Do you know the Muffin Man?

Thanks you all, for the kind words yesterday. I can promise you that there are no plans for de-fiercification around these parts! I guess what it comes down to is this: When I first made the decision to lose weight and be healthy I knew it was for life---that my new view of food, and how I use it to fuel my body, wouldn't change. BUT (and boy is it a big one! ;) ) I thought there would come a point where I would say to myself, or even out loud "Yup, I'm done making my body and my health better! From now on it's just maintenance!" after which festivities would insue. During the last four and a half months I have come to realize that that just isn't going to happen. I will probably never get to a point where I feel there is nothing left to do to better myself. I will always be working towards something else, whether that be a smaller number on the scale, a smallet amount of tape used to get around my waist, or a larger percentage of muscle mass (or fiercness ratio, as it were). This is something that IMO is a good thing!

I'll lay it on the line for you. Right now, today I weigh less than I ever remember weighing in my adult life. I know that I am in better physical condition than I have ever been before. I love my body. I am ridiculously proud of myself for doing so much to better myself. I am so thankful for this awesome gift I have given myself. I am not perfect, and I never will be. But I can strive to be the best I can be, and that is what I plan on doing. When I said I may need to re-asses my goal weight when I get there, I may have mis-spoke, because honestly? I still think that me in the 140's is an impossibility. What I ment was that once I reach goal, it won't be the end of the line. I won't be "done" heading toward healthy. Once I reace goal I will have to take a long look at myself, see where I'm at, what parts I'm happy with, and what parts I want to improve. Rather than losing more weight, my plan as of right now is that I will work towards toning and building MORE muscle, while maintaing (No, I don't plan on getting too big!).

Yes, it may be a bit premature to be looking past Goal, but honestly, Goal scares the shit outta me. Goal seems like the finish line... and I don't want it to be. I want it to be more like a little bathroom stop or water station in the marathon... not the end of the race. I fear that if I stop working, I will turn around and start heading away from healthy, back from where I came. Constant awareness of where I am and what I am working for is what keeps me going, so there will always have to be something more or I will backslide.

And there will always be something more. I have said it before, but we are all our own worst critics. We see things other people don't. In fact, the current me sees things the old me wouldn't see. Or things that she would see in a different light. To a personwith  70 pounds to get rid of, a stomach that looks like mine does currently is a beautiful thing. To a person less than 20 pounds left, its big and flabby, and why won't it firm, dammit?! To a person who can't swim a full lap without stopping, a mile of laps is a big deal, no matter how it gets done. To a more seasoned swimmer, its about stroke length, breaths taken, and speed.

I still have muffin top issues with some pants, even when the fit properly everywhere else. I am optimistic that by the time I get to goal, the muffin-topage will be a thing of the past, but if they aren't they are the first area of assult once Goal is reached. Other issues, like the flab on my lower arms (it's there people---don't tell me it isn't, I will go pinch it right now if I have to!), and the small amount of  "cheese" left on my outter thighs, are going to get more attention then. These "advanced level courses" should keep me busy for awile, I assume, as it is difficult to target just one area like that. I am planning on rewarding myself on getting to goal by getting at least a few sessions with a personal trainer so that I can get some more customised insight on how to make me even better.

I also have started entertaining thoughts about entering a triathalon, or seeing about getting into Masters Swimming. These  are goals that can keep repeating themselves, and will keep me from getting bored and falling back to old habits,  which is really what this is all about right?

Hope everyone is having a great thursday... TGIF tommorow!