Wow, 30 weeks?! It seems both longer than that, and not nearly that long all at once. I am down 1.8 this week, and less than 5 pounds from my 150 pound goal. I have decided to shoot for 145 as a more personal goal, but am keeping 150 as my "offical" goal weight. I think there is still plenty of fat haning out on my belly, thighs, and even upper arms that I could lose at least 10 more pounds.
So this morning I was looking through my online album of wedding pictures. Wow. WOW. It is really tough for me to see the old me. I has really bummed me out to see how huge my arms were, how round my face was, how portly my stomach was. And I know I looked good---beautiful on my wedding day. I felt beautiful. I was beautiful. But I was obese. O-BESE. And I lacked the knowledge and drive to lose weight before I walked down the aisle. And while losing weight soley for your wedding isn't the best idea, and as a friend of mine said to me "you wern't thin for the wedding, but you are and will be for the marriage, and that's way more important", I really really REALLY regret the way I look in my wedding pictures. And there is no way to change them. It was a once in a life time event, and those pictures are pictures I will look at for the rest of my life. I need to get to a point where I can see past how over weight I am, and focus on how happy DH and I were on that day. I need to use those pictures as a reminder not to let myself go down that path ever again. I also need to get dressed up with DH and get some new and improved professional pictures taken---maybe for our next anniversary? ;)
Just checking in... I'm still around, still trucken, and everything is going well. I guess I'm just boring recently and I have nothing to bitch about :) Additionally, I feel totally guilty for not keeping up with everyone else, and that shames me from surfing this direction sometimes. I work in an open office and it sometimes gets tough to surf blogs during the day without being noticed, and a couple of other online-commitments have been a real time suck recently as well. I am going to try to be better.
My offical WI has me down a pound this week. Up untill this morning it was closer to 2 pounds down, but whatever, I know it's water weight and it will be back down in a couple of days. I am hoping to get to 150 by the time I heard to Chicago in September to meet up with some girlfriends, and I really want that bikini to fit me because I am NOT finding another bathing suit that I like and that fits for the life of me. Hopefully the last 6.5 pounds wont be a problem in the 7 weeks until my trip. :)
I must have had extreamly low blood sugar last week when I got a Tully's smoothy and thought it was awesome, because I had one again yesterday and it made me so sick. There is probably more rfined sugar in one of those little effers than I eat in a week now-a-days and it really screwed me up for the rest of the afternoon. I got a headache, felt sick to my stomach, and so so sleepy. It was horrible, but at the same time, made me realize that I used to feel like this most afternoons...from too much sugar intake. I was miserable for so long every afternoon at work and could not figure out why. Once I started eating better, it went away, but I never really made the connection until yesterday. Just another reason why refined sugar is the devil and should be avoided at all costs!
So I am down 1.8 lbs this week, and there is a new current picture up on the right. Those are size 8 capris (that are too big in the waist.... grrr!) and a size medium top. Yay me!! Maybe tomorrow I will try on the bikini again and see how things are doing in that depatment, but I am asacred.
My stomach is really coming along... the added Ab workouts are really helping and if this last layer of flabby flab would leave I KNOW there is a nice looking six pack under there somewhere! I noticed last night that my shoulders and upper arms are looking nice too. I guess weight lifting really does work! ;)
The last 2 mornings I have been so sore. like having a hard time walking sore. I never would have thought that after a steady regimine of working out almost everyday for 6 months that I would get this sore after finally getting back to my beloved step class that I missed for several weeks in a row, but I am! Anywhoos, sore. Monday morning I was also mega sleepy, and I just felt like I couldn't make it to the gym. I went back to bed and woke up about 45 minutes later. Before I even really realized what I was doing, I was in my gym clothes, and on the way to the Y. I didn't want to miss my upper arm weights morning, I guess. It is mornings like yesterday that make me realize just how different I am today than I was 7 months ago. In many ways I am totally different, and that scares me sometimes. I hate that I might be one of THOSE skinny people who obsess over everything that goes in their mouth, and put on an aura of being better than other people for whatever reason. There is still some struggle there to figure this all out.
I went shopping this weekend, and am happy to report that I am a very solid 8 at this point. I even tried on and fit (tightly) into a pair of size 6 jeans (size 6!!!) but didn't bring them home with me. I did bring home a pair of capris that just last week when I tried them on were too tight in the thighs, but seem to fit better now, and a couple of Polo shirts in size M that when I looked at them on the hanger thought would never fit... but do! It is still weird to look at clothes, I seem to go the wrong direction, and start at the 14's and 12's until I realize that I need a smaller size than last time, not BIGGER like was the case for so long. I am still having a problem with bathing suits though. I am looking for one to wear in september (I am assuming that the bikini I have for the challange still won't pass my test at that point) and am really struggling. I don't know how these things are supposed to fit. Are tankikins supposed to show some skin? Why do all the bottoms either fall off me or dig into the remaining fat on my hips? Why don't more suits have a tie in the back instead of a latch, don't they know I have the worlds biggerest ribcage ever?! Ahhhhhh!!!! I need to take a bathing suit shopping course, I think!
I lost a whopping .8 of a pound this week. TiM is visiting, and I am dealing with some work issues... but all that is A-OK with me because the .8 loss brings me into the 150's! I have been bouncing back and forth from the 159's to the 160's since Saturday.. so I was glad to see that I was in the 150's at my "official" WI. I bought my last cup this morning, the next goal is Goal!
Actually, I take that back, I have some tops that fit ok, and ONE pair of capris. Everything else is a varying degree of too big. The issue is that I am on the cusp of two sizes, and it is really hard to buy more clothes, esp when I was planning on a big shop when I get to goal, or closer to goal and level off more. Most of the stuff I can wear, I just feel frumpy in it... so Frumpy I will be for the next couple of months, I guess. beh.
I was down 2 pounds this week to 160.4. This means that I ow weigh the same as I told the people at the DMV I weighed back in November. Delusional much? LOL Anyhow, I have just over 10 pounds to my "offical" goal, but I seem to be leveling off. Other than skipping the gym this morning (a girls gotta take a day off once in awhile!) I have been working out daily and have added more weights to my routine. I seem to be eating more, and with that shake up I am really OK with things right now. The more I read though, the more I feel I should try to get below 150... 150 is the hiigh end of a healthy weight range for my height, I just picked it because I had never been near 150 and didn't think it was even possible. Now that I am close, and see how much fat there is hanging around, even with the muscles I have built up over the last several months, I may want to try to lose more. I know I keep going back and forth on this, but thats because I really don't know what I want yet. Like I mentioned before, I'm going to just keep on doing what I am doing and when my body stops for good it stops for good. I'm not going to deprive myself to get to 135 or something just so I can gain 15-45 pounds back when I get tired of eating on a resticted diet. :)
I'm gonna work on getting caught up with you all... it seems I was gone too long though, on my blog break, so hopefully you all are still around and doing well! Have a good weekend yall!
OK guys, thanks for indulging me while I took a swan dive off the deep end. I don't know what got into me... I could sit here and make excuses all day about why I freaked out over nothingm really, but I won't because the bottom line is I don't have any room to bitch. I feel badly for complaining about what turned out to be water weight (I could feel it releasing itself from my ankles last night--ewwww!) and making such a big deal about it. I know better, and I thought I was better than that, but I guess I am not.
This morning I am back at 162.4, no change from last week. That's the last time I say I want to lose 3 pounds in one week!
I offically hate my scale and want it to die a thousand deaths. Perhaps it is a TAD mellodramatic for me to be so upset about 2 pounds when up until this point I haven't gained at all, really, but I am very frustrated. In fact I think that's why its bothering me so much. I am freaking out about back sliding all the way to 219.5 again. I need to get a grip, and fast. Maybe after I chug this 32oz bottle of water...
