So, about that other post.....

Right. Admittedly I had my panties in a bit of a wad, and while I stand by everything I said out over packaged, over processed food, I should have explained myself a little more clearly on a couple of points.

First and foremost, something I mentioned, but I am sure did not come across as strongly as I would have liked: I am in no way shape or form for cutting out all processed, packaged foods. Lord knows I eat my share of them (Chicken lasagna last night, anyone?) My argument was that we need to be aware that when we eat foods like this as the main portion of our food intake for any given length of time we are not eating healthfully. If for nothing else, the sodium levels in most prepackaged products are chest clutchingly high. I don't take issue with eating foods like this, as long as no one is kidding them selfs into thinking that they are the best choice to put into their body... When I ate that lasagna last night I was fully aware of the almost 1000mg  of sodium in a single serving. When I ate the pizza on Friday night (and then the leftovers on Saturday and Sunday) and the Ice cream and the beer... I was fully aware that my choice of meals was not the most stellar, but I had no issue with eating all of that because I don't claim to, or aspire to eat healthfully all the time. But I have educated myself enough to know when I am making a good choice and a not-so-great one. ----and I will get into that whole chestnut more in a bit.

I also realize that everyone is different, and that we all need different programs/incentives/food to be successful. Most people who decide to lose weight for whatever reason need to learn how to eat less, and eat better. It is a lot of stuff to change all at once, and having the option to eat a cupcake and fit it into your eating plan is appealing and necessary for some people starting out. Sometimes people don't have the time or don't know how or don't want to cook from scratch, and prepackaged meals come in handy, not only for their ease of use, but for their controlled portion size as well. I think that taken by them selfs, these foods, serve a good purpose. The danger comes in when they are marketed and accepted as healthy.... and when people begin to rely on them rather than taking from them the lessons they can teach (portion size, perhaps the introduction of new vegetables) and then moving on---if they choose to really become truly (in my minds eye at least) healthy.

Which leads me to another point. I am fully aware that my idea of eating healthfully is not the same as everyones. There are people that think that 3 100 calories a day along with a couple diet soda's, a lean pocket and a smart one's constitutes a healthy lifestyle. And the way I feel about it is that if they really feel this way--meaning they have done some investigation into what they are eating, rather than just taking the food companies word for it, then I have no issue with an eating program like that, as long as it works for them. On the other side of the coin, I know people who don't eat any salt... who constrict fat (even good fats) far more rigorously, or don't eat carbs of any form. I happen to have a different opinion on these things, and sometimes it is frustrating because sometimes I truly do not understand where they are coming from but it's not my place to judge, or to try to convince anyone to do something they don't want to or can't do.

I would also like to mention that the longer I work on being healthy, the more the definition of "healthy" evolves. A year ago I ate things like splenda and aspertame regularly. Sugar free products were a definite part of my daily diet, but now I won't touch them---partially from learning from my own body that I don't react well with them, but also because I have decided to limit the amount of man made chemicals that are put into my body (because of some things I've read about their physical, ethical, and social-economic repercussions).Up until about 8 months ago I didn't track my sodium---Salt was far too important to me to give up... but over time, I was able to see the affects it has on me, and cut down (but trust me, not out) on it. It's been within  the last 4 months that I have developed a large aversion to HFCS and PHO's. It's something I never would have thought twice about before, but now am adamant about not eating. The changes are due to reading, learning, forming my own opinions and also from learning from myself. Listening to my body and my mind are keys for me being successful at continuing a healthy lifestyle. But at the end of the day, my plan is unlike anyone elses. And there are times when I read or hear things from any number of people on any number of paths that make me want to scream. As long as I feel they are making an informed decision, I keep my mouth shut as much as I can, but when I see so many people (and really, Im speaking in general, not to anyone specifically) just blindly following along with the new "fad" I feel compelled to climb up on the soap box and say something.  Which is where that rant came from, as un-eloquent and poorly thought out as it was.

So I guess my point is this: Educate yourself. Do not let someone else (someone with only your money to gain) ---any one else tell you what is good or bad. Then decide what is the right thing for you... and don't have any apologies for it, because at the end of the day, you have to be happy with your life and your choices--and your the one that has to live with the affects of your decisions. There are trade-offs no matter which path you take, and there is no perfect answer... and all anyone of us can do is to do the best we can with what we have available to us... but it is up to us to know all the facts, so that we can make educated decisions about the most important thing in our lives---our body.

All the way back.

I burned over 500 calories this morning.

Halle-freaken-lujah! It's been MONTHS since I have had such a productive morning. All seems right with my world. The scale is up (muscles retaining water), I am sore, and I feel like a new woman.

My foot... I am happy to say that it didn't hurt at all through my cardio. The offending toe did go a little numb near the end, but that is something that has been fairly normal from the get-go. The top of my foot is bruised and sore from the injection, and while I was stretching out in child's pose, it did yell at me a little--I think because the seam of my shoe hit it at just the wrong place, but other than that, Im feeling pretty confident about it. Woohoo!

Das Boot is Das Worthless Piece of Crap

So 3 weeks with the boot, and at my appointment the PA tells me that since there was virtually no improvement he is pretty sure it is a pinched nerve that has become inflamed and surrounded by scar tissue after being repetitively smashed in between the bones of my foot. Something that is quite common for marathon runners to experience. Oh yeah, and also common for people who did nothing but sit on their ass for several years patiently watching grow and grow, then finally decided to do something about it once they were properly horrified by their own girth and started working out fairly intensely.

Hmmmm.

I guess I deserved that. Actually, the PA had a much nicer way of saying it, but lets not split hairs... that's what happened. I guess it's true that being overweight and unhealthy as well as rapid weight loss is hard on ones body. In the end though, while it sure does suck, Id much rather deal with the pinched nerve than be back at 220 pounds again.

I got a shot of cortisone at the office, and if that seems to solve the pain problem (which I am cautiously optimistic about at this point), Sara is going under the knife. Outpatient surgery is the prescribed solution... either that, or regular cortisone shots---and after the weird reaction I had to the shot I got yesterday, no thanks---to basically "kill" the nerve. I go back again in 3 weeks.

This morning I popped in my Crunch Power yoga/pilates DVD... in part to warm back into working out, in part to test my foot on something fairly low impact. Aside from some tenderness on the top of my foot, and the fact that I am fairly certain that my left foot took a nap when that boot was placed on it, and hasn't quite woke back up yet, I felt pretty good. Tomorrow I have big plans for the Y. I don't trust the treadmill yet, but there is an Arc Trainer with my name on it.... and the weight room. Oh, how my arms are thanking me ahead of time for strength training, and putting an end to their consistent slide into blobiness!

I tell you what, after spending the last 2 weeks doing diddly and squat in the way of exercise, and a much longer period of sporadic efforts in the area of raising the heart rate, it felt so nice to move again. I haven't lost it all, but damn I could tell a difference---I felt the burn far more than I did the first time I tried that DVD, and all morning my body was So! Excited! and Couldn't! Sit! Still! I was shaking, unable to focus, on an exercise high. FROM PILATES PEOPLE. I may have to get a ride home from the Y tomorrow if I react in proportion after so serious cardio work.

So the boot was a pointless, ridiculous waste of time... and I am a little TO'd that instead of following what he thought originally (that it wasn't a stress fracture, but a pinched nerve), and getting this shot waaaay back on valentines day, the PA played it safe and followed the (crappy worthless, didn't even LOOK at my x-rays OR bone scan pcp) Dr's advice and slapped me in a boot, I am too optimistic that this is actually the problem and that it's a fairly quick fix, rather than a "wait and see, stay off it till it decides to heal" type thing, that comes with the stress fracture territory.

Yes, I do have a follow-up to my last post... look for it tomorrow perhaps? Thank you all for your (mostly) supportive comments though, it was a bit of a rant, and I do feel I owe a bit of clarification.

Why I wish the term Lifestlye Change would just die.

This is probably going to piss some people off. But it has been on my mind for some time now.

Before I begin, I would like to say that I don't claim to be perfect. I don't think I know it all. And I know that I don't always make the best decisions about food.

Every day I see and hear so many people talking about how they have "changed their lifestyle". How they eat better, and are getting healthy. Losing weight. Whatever. Then they tell you about how great those 100 calorie packs are. How they can't live without the Skinny Cows. How every lunch is a Lean Cuisine. They talk about the protein bars, and the sugar free chocolates and the lite bread, and the rice cakes, and all the other WONDERFUL things they have found since changing their lifestyle to a healthy one.  And every time I hear this I want to scream. I want to tell these people that their "lifestyle change" is really nothing more than substituting one type of chemical for another. It is still over processed, over packaged, under nutritional value, food that people buy because it is convenient. And that is not a lifestyle change. That's just picking up a different (more expensive) box of food rather than the one they used to.

A real lifestyle change is actually changing how and what you eat... not from full fat oreos to the cardboard like 100 calorie pack oreos, but from 12 oreo's to 2, or from 12 oreo's to 0, replaced with a piece of dark chocolate, or an apple, or a homemade oatmeal bar. It's making that choice because you know the health benefits of whole foods and deciding that the are worth the extra time and effort it takes to make them a part of your life, rather than claiming you are getting healthy, while all the while pumping your self full of chemicals. It's about knowing what fats are good for you, what kinds of Carbs are beneficial, and what the balance is to make you your best. It's about listening to your self, and eating what makes you feel your best. About learning when to know your full, about constant adjustments and trying new things, and eating foods that came out of this earth, not out of a lab.

That's not to say that some of these "lifestyle change" friendly foods don't have a place. But calling them healthy is a lie, because we don't know what all those chemicals and made up ingredients will do if eaten in mass quantities for a long period of time. Chemicals added to many things we eat have shown links to cancer, alhtimers, and other diseases, what's to say these new foods won't bring on a whole other round of  ailments and problems? If you  want to put those things in your body, go right ahead, but don't tell me you are being healthy by doing it. Stop blindly following what the advertisements have told you, and find out for yourself. Make the choice to eat whole foods and be healthy, or make the choice to eat diet foods and be "thin" or "lose weight" Don't try to fool me or yourself with the words "lifestyle change".

Eating a diet rich in whole foods is healthy. Eating a diet controlled by trying to cram the most food into the fewest calories, or points, or whatever, is not---not when a majority of those foods came wrapped in cellophane. Monitoring your food intake and your weight is healthy.Restricting it too much is not. Focusing on the right balance of nutrients is healthy.  Discounting nuts, fruits, whole grains, avocados, dairy, and meat because it has too many calories/fat/carbs/whatever is not. whole foods contain good fats/calories/carbs/sugars. Things your body needs and thrives on. It's not hard to eat whole foods. But its easy NOT to. It's not hard to enjoy fruits and vegetables, but it is easy to think you don't like them. It is easy to pick up a box of chemicals, but it takes effort to make a pan of oatmeal bars. But if you start seeing things from the prospective of your body being the single most important possession you will ever have, maybe taking the time to fill it with something that will really benefit it is worth it.

Or maybe it's not. And I think that's ok too. It's ok to eat that food, as long as you are aware of exactly what you are doing. Just like it's ok for me to eat a giant piece of chocolate cake... because I know exactly what Im doing, and what the consequences might be. I don't say it's a healthy choice... I say that it is a choice that can be part of a healthy lifestyle. Because in the end, that full fat, homemade, huge slab of cake once in a blue moon is much more fulfilling to me than a 100 calorie pack of hostess snack cakes every day. And the way I see it, it is healthier too.

Sometimes Bitching Works

Thanks so much for the kind words of encouragement yesterday. Writing it out does help, sometimes both mentally and physically.

My BAN weight this morning was 142.8. Apparently the mental baggage I unloaded yesterday had some real "weight" to it. I haven't been at this low of a weight in a couple of weeks, and it's weird how much I can tell the difference. I also think some of it has to do with the fact that my thoughts on the food have come around a bit too. For awhile there I kept just thinking "screw it, one meal out isn't going to hurt... one slice of cake... one pint of ice cream...." All that adds up and all of a sudden you are eating crap most of the time and not really caring, and it takes some effort to get out of that. At the same time, I am adjusting to eating less (about 300-400 calories less) than I was when I was working out like a mad woman, and that was interesting, because I like almonds on my salads, and a big breakfast, and while I was having a hard time eating enough when my calorie goal was 1600, I had a tough time getting it down to 1200 or so as well. I think I have it down now, and that is making things easier too.

Im still not working out. I feel like I have to jump start it to get back into it. Lighter, less impact workouts are totally undesirable to me right now... but I want to get the motivation to do them. Part of me still just wants to stay off my foot totally until it is better so I don't have to deal with this crap anymore and just do what I want. Hopefully this weekend I will get my but in gear and do something though...hopefully.

So that's where I'm at today. Much more optimistic about whats going on in the food and weight department, still hurting and sulking about my injury. But I've got half the battle down, so that is a good start!

Yes, it's another poor me post. Deal with it.

Today my BAN weight was 144.4. And that doesn't bother me too much. But the fact that it doesn't bother me, bothers me.

I am trying to grasp why I am not bothered by the extra 4.4 pounds that have found their way back to me. Maybe it's because I am still under 150. Maybe its because all of my clothes still fit. Maybe it's because I know I haven't been (able to as much, but have been slacking off as well) working out and I know I can lose it all back once I am back into a routine. Maybe it's because I know I have not eaten as well as I should have to maintain my loss. Maybe the number on the scale really doesn't mean that much to me. Whatever it is, though it's bugging me. I feel like I should care more... and I do care about the fact that I am losing muscle with every day I'm not in the weight room. That even though I set my alarm to go to the gym every night I come up with a good excuse not to go even before I'm asleep at night. That while I've only gained a few pounds I feel like I gained 30. That my mood and attitude has taken a total nose dive in the last couple of weeks. That my foot *still* hurts, and that the brace is making my ankle and shin weak... and that it seems as though it's not going to get better. Ever. That the boot is actually causing back problems because it is a funny height and causes me to stand unevenly and walk funny. Maybe because of all of that those 4.4 pounds really don't matter all that much.

And really, they don't. But what happens if those 4.4 pounds turn into 10... or 20? What if my foot doesn't get better soon, and I get really out of shape, and I gain 30 pounds? Will I care about the number then? Will it seem so easy to take the weight back off when it is more than a "couple" pounds? Maybe I shouldn't be thinking this way--that gaining weight is inevitable. I should stay positive and look forward, but I'm scared. I don't want to look the way I feel right now, and if I don't get my act together I'm going to end up there. The thing is that I can't seem to get it together. Last week I did well on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The Thursday hit and I just let go... until Sunday. Today will be day three of being back on track---food wise. Now to get on gettin on for four---or five---or more days. And to get my ass back to the gym and do something. That's the hard part, because I can't do what I want to, and I really don't want to do what I can do (and in all honesty, the recumbent bike hurts my lower back...really). About all I can do without screwing with my foot is swim and do some pilates. I just can't get back into swimming... and pilates is great, but it doesn't make you sweat like I want to. I know. Making excuses. That's me.

There is no real point to this post, other than for me to vent my continuing frustrations and hopefully get some self-insight as to why I'm being such a big ass baby. If you read this whole thing, I give you props, and just hope it didn't make you roll your eyes too many times.

Not Paid to say this... Really

I seriously don't know what I'd do without Trader Joe's. I truly believe that TJ's is proof that God exists and loves us very much. Think about it. A store filled with super yummy, preservative free, for the most part good *for* you food, available for a totally reasonable price--there is really nothing better than that. And there are so many interesting things to try! I just love when I see something new that I can try guilt free.

As a general rule I stay away from any flour that is not totally whole grain, and I try to keep my refined sugars to a minimum. This makes the Sweets Table at even TJ's a place I usually don't linger around for long. I always take a look though, hoping that one day something will jump out at me. This weekend something did. They are called Zen Bakery Apple Cranberry Fiber Cakes, and they are DE-LISH. They look like homemade bran muffins, small and dense. They are made with Oat Bran, white grapes, apples, cranberries, and.... thats about it. No "enriched" flours, no sugar or HFCS. People, they are only 80 calories and 1.5 grams of fat a piece.  And did I mention the fiber? 13 grams. Seriously. I decided to try them as the replacement for my breakfast carbs and thought that I would need two... but one is so filling and long lasting that it has been more than enough (along with a hard boiled egg and banana of course!). These little cakes (they are muffins people) have seriously turned my life around... And they come in a blueberry version too, which I CANNOT wait to try.

I assume that they are a regional offering, as they have a fairly short shelf life (mine are in the fridge so they don't spoil before I get to them all) and are from a bakery in LA, so if you are on the west coast, I highly suggest that you high tail your buns to TJ's with a quickness and check these suckers out. They are the best thing since sliced bread. Really.

Disapearing Act numero Dos, and das Boot

It's been a crazy time round these parts the last couple of weeks. My FIL is remodeling our kitchen, which means we HAVE NO kitchen at the moment, The H was out of town for 4 days, which I took as a green light to scarf an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's (It was lowfat fro-yo, but STILL), and last and biggest of all, Das Boot was installed about a week and a half ago. It is a giant (but welsome) Pain in the Ass, and is doing nothing for my motivation or workouts... but my foot is improving, and I am at about the halfway point with it so I am confident that once I am through wearing it I will be in better shape to get back in shape, if you catch my drift. Even though I am only alowed to run "under supervision" after Das Boot is cleared for take-off.

I am going to make my best  to stay a perminant fixture around here... I need you guys, as is evident by my eating habits and the numbers on the scale.

Pity Party, Table for 1

When Toe's not happy, ain't nobody happy