I hate hard days because I know that I am better than them, and I really hate that I am beating myself up for something that I really shouldn't be.
You see, I have no problem with guilt when I eat a piece of cake, but apparently salad causes a ton of guilty feelings.
I have been working on waiting until I feel real pangs of hunger to eat, rather that eating when I "shoud". It's causing me so much grief. I feel like I blew it today when I ate my salad at about 12:30 because I was hungry... or I thought I was. I don't know anymore. I have been thinking about lunch all morning and felt hungry, but lately I will think I feel hungry, then make myself something yummy, only to not feel so hungry anymore. ANYHOW. I ate my salad, and since I was feeling hungry, I heated up my leftover pork and brown rice. I thought I was satisfied after my salad, but my lunch was hot, and yummy, and sitting on my desk. About 20 minutes later I thought I might be hungry and picket up the food, then didn't so set it back down again... then 10 minutes later said fuck it and ate it... and now I feel full. I hate feeling full. I feel like such a gd'n failure. It is so supid. I ate about 2 cups worth of romaine lettuce with orange peppers, onions, tomato and a tiny drizzle of oilive oil, and less than a cup of lean pork, brown rice and tomato sauce. That is not anywhere near too much food for lunch. But I am past satisfied, so I failed. Bah. I feel itchy, which I always equate with weight gain, even though logically I know its from tanning. The scale showed me up a pound and a half this morning, although ToM arrived yesterday, and I had a sodium laced dinner last night. Said sodium laced dinner last night which consisted of a BK tendergrill sandwich with no sauce (thanks Steph! ;) ) and horrendously over-garlic salted popcorn that was stale tasting, so I didn't even finish all of it (plus I felt not hungry as soon as I sat down with it). Bah Bah Bah! I don't even remember what I was whining about.... oh yes, my il-logical fear of salad causing weight gain.
Seriously guys, I have thoughts of gaining all this weight back racing through my head right now---because of a damn salad. If I would have known I was going to feel this way about it, I would have had a piece of ice cream cake for lunch! Yell at me, tell me I am off my rocker, PLEASE, knock some sense into me here... I am no where near off program. In fact I am POP. Yet I feel as though I just downed a Big Mac and fries, gallon of coke, three cookies, and a Ventie green tea frappachino WITH whipped cream.
Here is my accountability for the day, just for further proof that I am off my rocker:
S: Banana before morning workout B: Quiche cup, blueberry oatmeal bar, NF latte L: Green salad with orange peper, red onion, tomato and 1 oil, Leftover Porkchops Ole S: Fruit Salad D: Chicken Monterey (1ap) with seasoned couscous and asparagus.
WPA: (35/35)
Exercise: 45mins elliptical, 15 mins weights (lower), 20 min walk (5 APs earned, 1 used)
Posted By: Gvmemoment
Comments to this post:
05/18/2006 17:55
Stop with the guilt!
Your lunch sounds lovely, and not like too much. You probably ate like 2 bites too many and it's the ToM, not the food, making you feel stuffed and icky. ToM and sodium are also responsible for your temporary weight gain. In fact, while I hate blaming emotions on ToM all the time, the fact that you feel yucky and gained a little probably isn't helping your mood any. YOU ATE A SALAD. LEAN MEAT, AND BROWN RICE FOR GOODNESS SAKE! Get a hold of yourself! ;)
Alternatively, think about how awesome it is that you kicked ass at the gym this morning despite ToM (which always demotivates me anyway) and how the protein and fiber are contributing to fierce muscles, not fatness.
And third of all, this eating when hungry thing is a difficult trick to learn. Routines trigger feelings of hunger that are not exactly false even if they are unrelated to your blood sugar levels. Plus if you wait until you are ravenous you will probably overeat. Keep gauging the hunger levels and take each snack or meal as an opportunity to understand the nuances of hunger/satisfaction. You will not perfectly judge how much is right every single time, but the fact that you are paying attention will pay off at the scale.
Enough yelling? Okay, here's a hug because it sounds like you need one of those too. :)
Lettuce to me is just essentially crunchy water. If you ate only that I would expect you to gain just due to starvation mode. But no, you were sensible and balanced. Crunchy water won't make you gain! You ate on plan and worked out too, I'd say that's a good guilt free kind of day to have. I think the only thing that worked against you is you seemed to almost think yourself hungry, which is so easy to do. Ahh the brain...it can be your greatest ally, and your worst enemy....
Chin up and be proud. You are doing a tremendous job. And ditto to blondeez!
You didn't fail, you just learnt soethign new about what fills you and what doesn't, that's all! Hey coming from me with the mood I am today this is quite laughable, but it's still true! Hang in there, you CAN do this, I KNOW you can.
Unless the salad had all kinds of cheese and bacon on it, you did FINE! And I totally understand the feeling of worrying that one little wrong calorie can blow all of your good work to hell. As long as the feeling doesn't take control and become an unhealthy obsession, it is something that helps keep us on track and in check. If it was to that point, you probably wouldn't be worrying about the fact that you feel that way. You're doing great, and don't beat yourself up over the salad! Wait until you go to Dairy Queen or something like that for the guilt! :-)
Take it easy! Like everyone else said, you did totally fine! TOM blows and always does something to our bodies. This month it has taken yours hostage, making you think your overindulged on salad and a bit o' pork. I know you are freakin out, but please try to relax. The fullness is more like from the water retention. Next week you will be back to your normal self. Step off of the ledge please. Thank you. ;o)
Maybe it's TOM making you feel this way, because you sound off your rocker, which is always how I feel at that time. I'm sure by the time you read this post on Monday you will have regained your sanity and fear of salad.
Now, as for waiting until you're hungry to eat. Is that really working for you? I try to avoid that at all costs. I always try to eat on schedule, not when I'm hungry, because if I'm genuinely hungry, I run the risk of overeating. I try to avoid being hungry--I hate the feeling, just like you hate feeling full.
Hope you had a great weekend that wasn't full of nighmares of jumping off a ledge into a swimming pool of romaine.
Go ahead, look. What do you see? Do you see what the rest of us see? You have come such a long way. You are doing it.
Yes, you are "off your rocker". You know that a salad won't cause you to gain weight. But we all have those times when we loose touch with reality and fill our minds with it's own jibberjaber. LOL
I agree with some of the others who don't do the "wait till I am hungry" thing. To me, I am doomed to fail. I do the same thing..I swear I am hungry, sit down to eat, and suddenly don't feel the same way. And I beat myself up over it. I would suggest just doing the small snacks throughout the day. This way you never feel full, or get the tummy growls.
