On the Definition of Hard
After a recurrence of Sunday night where-in I fell asleep at a reasonable hour only to be woken up and unable to fall back asleep I was not feeling very positive about my chances of making it to the gym. But when the alarm went off at 5:15 it was like the Sara of 2006 had taken over my body. I got up, got dressed, and went to the gym. I did 40 minutes of cardio, even though I thought I might keel over the whole time (Helllllo return of the red face, how I've missed you!), my upper body routine, and a nice long stretch out at the end. And it felt (feels!) good. Great even.
While trudging along on the Y's brand spankin new Precor AMT 100i (have you seen these, they are new to me and they. are. awesome.) I got to thinking about how it seems that the general message of weight loss--of a healthy lifestyle---is that it is hard. Commercials for Weight Watchers and Nutrisystem and Jenny all start off saying how hard weight loss is, and how they can help make it easier. I hear people (in general) complain about how hard it is to lose weight, to get healthy. I'm hear to tell you that's a load of crap. Losing weight is not hard. Becoming healthy is not hard. We are surrounded with tools and information and resources to become healthy, to lose weight. It's not a complicated equation, becoming healthy: eat whole, natural foods, move your body, and eat less than you burn. There are supermarkets all over this country with a plethora of produce, whole grains and lean proteins. There is a gym on almost every corner, and when there is not, or they are cost prohibitive, there are parks, living room floors and huge parking lots to park at the back of. There is no shortage of available ways to get healthy.
What is hard is getting into the right mindset. It's sometimes hard to get the motivation. It's hard to overcome the excuses, the shame, the fear, the *change*. Becoming healthy is not just about losing pounds and eating right. For many people it's about learning why they got to where they are at and overcoming the mental challenges that come with an unhealthy lifestyle---and that can be hard. The mental aspect of weight loss is hard. Sometimes it's really hard.
Right now it's the mental part that is really tough for me. Being on maintenance does a number on one's mental state when it comes to food. Suddenly, after months and months of so many things being totally taboo, and not even worth thinking about, it becomes perfectly acceptable to splurge once in awhile. In fact, I personally struggled with getting enough to eat, and almost *had* to splurge. But splurging is a slippery slope. And now that I am not eating as well I have, but am not totally off the rails, Im finding it hard to find a balance. I don't want to give up whole grain bread, nuts, or real cheese. I know how to lose weight. I know the rules and I know how not to go near pizza or Mexican entirely food in order to drop pounds, but I don't know how to make boundaries that allow me to enjoy these foods in moderation and not GAIN... or at least become unhealthy. There is no magic plan for maintenance. Everyone is different, and maintaining depends a lot on the amount of activity, muscle mass, age, and metabolism of an individual---which is also true for losing, I suppose, something we figure out as we go along... I was making strides to learn how to handle maintenance, but got side tracked with surgery, then laziness, and am now in this weird purgatory. I don't know how to proceed, because I don't need to get back to 140. If I don't lose a pound I would be happy, so long as I am Fierce. I know I need to get to the gym, move my ass. I have that part clear in my head, but not the food part. I need clear boundaries, I need to track food, and I need to be accountable, but I need a base line. A place where I know that going out for dinner is not a good idea, or that I need to be good about my choices. A limit. I don't know how to figure it, and it is driving me crazy.