Rx

(this entry was supposed to post on the 14th, but apparently, emailing blog entries no longer works, hrrumph.)

It is time I put my lab coat on and wrote myself a prescription, as over the last several weeks I have learned (re-learned?) a very important lesson. That lesson?

My complete physical AND mental well-being hinges on one very key activity:

Getting my ass to the gym on a regular basis.

It has been well documented here that I have been struggling since my foot surgery this fall. I have been largely absent of late because I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to come here with only the woe is me tales. Talking about my struggles, promising to do better, all of that, none of it seemed to do much good.

I've talked about a "happy weight" How despite the fact that I have not been good about what goes into my mouth, or made the effort to get to the gym or move my behind on a regular basis, that I am still sitting at about the same weight--and about how I don't want to be too worried with the number on the scale, and just be comfortable in my own skin. And I still feel that way, It's just that I am past the point of being comfortable in my own skin. I feel itchy. Itchy is the feeling of expanding girth---of muscle giving up it's fight and letting the fat make itself right at home. It's a shamefully, terrible feeling, and part of a vicious cycle.

Too much sugar lead to the dreaded afternoon migraines. Migraines made me irritable and tired and achy---not in the mood to make a decent dinner, much less do anything else. So off to Mexican, or a stop on the way home for something "easy". Which made me feel better in the short term, but really hurt the next morning when it was time to get up and workout---so I slept in and grabbed Starbucks on the way to work. Not having any leftovers from dinner the night before led to buying something bad for me for lunch, which then led to an afternoon migraines....and so on and so for the last month. I would have periods of trying to get my act together, but haven't gotten there completely. But I am trying.

Yesterday I went to the gym and was reminded anew of how wonderful it makes me feel. I spent 50 minutes on various and sundry cardio machines and had a lot of time just to think. It was lovely. I decided that part of my problem was "starting slow". By setting a goal of getting to the gym 3 times a week I made it too easy not to go the first part of the week, which set up the "meh, the week is almost over, Ill just make it next week." For weeks on end. So I decided that I would make it a goal to get to the gym 5 times this week. I used to go 6 and a half times a week AND do yoga or pilates 3 or 4 times a week, so this is still not totally going balls out, but it forces me to get up in the morning during the week and not be able to say, "Eh, I can go tomorrow and be fine".

Except for this morning, of course.

I really did have the best intentions. I was in bed reading at 9. I feel asleep by 10:30. Perfect for the coming 5:15 alarm. Except. Except I fell asleep with the "big" overhead bedroom light on, and Husband didn't come to bed and turn it off before it woke me back up at 20 to 12. Getting up to turn it off meant one last trip to the bathroom. Which meant, I was wide awake. I was still determined to get back to sleep as fast as possible, but less than 5 minutes later, in walked husband, who turned on the TV... So I ended up watching what he was for the next hour even though I tried to shut my eyes and concentrate on sleeping. When I finally did drift off, I slept poorly. When the alarm went of at 5:15 I was pinned between a warm, snuggly cat and a warm, snuggly husband. I managed to get up, but after my morning bathroom stop I knew I was too tired and climbed back into bed. I should have just gone. I felt guilty as soon as I got back in bed. But I just couldn't make myself do it. Tomorrow is a new day---but only if I can get my ass in gear and get there tomorrow. If that doesn't happen, Im stuck in the land of Tomorrow never comes.

I've tried making deals with myself, that if I could make one week of workouts I would buy myself some new workout clothes, but at this point I think I need to buy the new stuff in order to motivate me to go in the first place. I have my eye on a new sigg bottle. And I have a feeling a new top and a couple new songs on my MP3 player will help some too. I know that if I can get my groove back it won't be hard very long, but right now it feels almost impossible, esp at 5:15 when it;s cold outside and there are warm cats and warm husbands that like to snuggle.

get up!

I will if you will, dude.  I know exactly what you mean about waking up and then intentionally but guiltily staying in bed with the snuggly cats and husband.  But you and I both know we feel better when we get to the gym and that it makes the whole day work better.  I feel more motivated to eat right if I'm hitting the elliptical/treadmill/yoga mat. 

Have you found any alternative cardio?  Thought about aqua jogging or just kicking across the pool?  Aqua aerobics with the kickass grannies?  I think we've discussed swimming and you're not interested but the water activities are pretty great for people with injuries that don't allow a lot of weight-bearing action.

You can whine here all you want!  I certainly do.  At some point it feels unproductive, but if you think you want a kick in the pants or a hug you know you can get one here.

Yep

I re-learned the "I feel better when I get off my ass and exercise" lesson this week, too. I have been slacking since mid-October and although it's colder than a witch's left tit out, bundling up the past week in 5 bajillion layers of clothes and walking sure felt better than sitting on my ass.

However, I'm still not getting up and doing that at the ass-crack of dawn like I do in the summer. I would hate to freeze to death mid-stride. I'm getting up early, just not leaving the house. I figure if I fall into that stay-in-bed mentality, it'll be that much harder to get up when the weather gets better.

Totally Understand!

 I can totally relate to so much of this.  I've struggled with making time for the gym, and in retrospect I think it was because in the past I was trying to do too much, and I rebelled by not going at all.  I also tried the "if i can go 4 days a week for a month i'll get new shoes" route, but I think I need the new shoes to push me to go more often and use them.  Go get yourself that sigg bottle and the top and think of some other spiffy reward for using them consistently.

I always find it hard to leave snuggle cats and DH in bed for anything - there's gotta be some pretty damn good incentive for me ;) Maybe slotting your workouts in for after work might be a way to get the best of both worlds...  I definitely tip my cap to anyone who can get up early to work out, I'm just not a morning person.

Thanks for the Luna bar suggestion.  I love them too, and have been using them to replace the JFC snack bit (among many other little treats).  These bars are protein/vitamin type..and run roughly 240 cals and off the top of my head I'm going to say 7g of fat.  I'm not so concerned about the vitamin bit because I have been good about taking my multivitamin, but it's proving to be hard to find a decent protein bar in that range and for a comparable cost (~$9/week).  I'm not really worried about replacing them,mind you,because I do love the taste of them and still...over 2 years later..get excited to have them every day :)

Just Do It

Sometimes you have to stop looking for motivation and just get out there.  You don't have to go to the gym - even a half hour walk outdoors is better than nothing at all.  Don't let yourself fall back into that vicious cycle of gaining weight, feeling like crap, then eating to feel better.  You've come too far!

I hope today is better.  Enjoy!

Angel