Last night I came home from work early. I felt so crappy. I haven't felt that bad in a long time. It was horrible, and brought back memories of the "old me" The one that was always feeling that way. I didn't want to make dinner---I wanted to stop at a drive thru on my way home and gorge myself. I was literally in tears I felt so badly. I made my self come home and take a rest... a much needed cuddle break with the whole family (that would be hubby and both cats, for those keeping count). Hubby napped but I didn't really---and after an hour I did feel somewhat better. I was able to make a nice dinner (a turkey curry, which was interesting) and have a halfway enjoyable evening. I didn't sleep well last night though--it was one of those nights where I felt like I didn't sleep at all, but I suppose I don't feel all that tired.. although I don't feel great either.
My foot is really beginning to bring me down. Let me rephrase... it's not beginning to bring me down... it is bringing me down me and more. I still have no word as to what is wrong with it or what I am supposed to do to make it better either. I oscillate from resignation that I should stay off of it as much as possible (which is really freaken hard when even more walking than normal bothers it). to defiance and plans to hit the gym the next morning...although that never happens because? I have officially fallen out of the workout habit. I feel so ashamed. I *could* go to the gym... or do some ab work at home, but I haven't...and its because I am mad and bitter. I can't run, I can't get on the Arc Trainer or the elliptical, Even the stationary bike and swimming aggravate my foot. And if I have to work past the cardio room to get to the weight room I might start crying... or punch some lucky pain-free person on the treadmill---depending on my mood.
I seriously have been fantasising about getting on the Arc Trainer. When I see someone walking down the street as I drive to the store I have the urge to yell "You lucky bitch!!!" out the window. I can feel myself flabbing out. My arms feel huge and flapping--Oprahish, if you will. My back pain has been intense, and I feel so tight... yes, I could stretch out that I could do. But I haven't been. Out of defiance to the lack of cardio ability. Can you say "All or nothing"? All together now!
So poor me. POOR POOR ME. Whawhawha.
It's time to get my act TOGETHER. I need a plan. I started tracking my food again today, and since the site I track on also tracks exercise I am going to use that as a tool to do SOMETHING. Abs three days a week and upper body 2 times. I can still stretch out every morning. I haven't been 100% on plan food wise either, and I am committing myself to limiting my sugar and focusing on whole foods again. I cannot let a (minor) bump in the road derail me totally. I am making my self accountable from here on out.
Posted By: Gvmemoment
Comments to this post:
01/30/2007 14:46
i am sorry
that you are unable to stick to your normal workout routine. i hope that your foot is feeling better soon. take care and dont get discouraged. you are an inspiration to us all!
I know all about the all-or-nothing. But we both know that's not going to work, so stretch at home if you can't walk past the cardio room at the gym. I'm so sorry the toe is keeping you out of your favorite workouts. I know you live by your cardio, and I can feel the frustration emanating off the screen.
I have two questions for you: One, is nonfat, artifically sweetened yogurt core? I'm trying this out and I've been eatin Dannon Activia Light before I leave for work so I can have the more substantial oatmeal mid-morning when I'm really starved. It's only one point so it's no biggie, but I figured you would know. Two, is T-town Tacoma? or some other T-town in WA? I am maybe visiting Seatlle next week so I want to know if you'll be nearby. I'm also thinking about moving north permanently in about a year so . . . I could use a friend to talk to about the area.
You sound exactly like me a month ago. When i first got injured I tried to exercise through the pain, but that didn't work, then when i would would feel better i would head to the gym and push too hard. Around December i was so sick of it all i just gave up, threw myself of the floor and pouted. I'm not sure why we feel that if we can't do our full exercise routine, we might as well chuck the whole thing.
I do have a concrete suggestion: Pilates. I've been doing that with my personal trainer. Even the mat work really kicks my ass and gets my heart racing. I'm pretty sure my toes have had minimal involvement. There is standing Pilates, but you could make some serious progress just on the mat, i swear. It's not much fun (to me, anyhow). I don't like anything that involves staying in one spot and thrashing about (like on an ArcTrainer). This might allow you to get a real workout while your toe is on the mend. Have you ever tried it?
As for getting over the pouting hump--you will hit bottom and you will start to get so stiff that your drive to exercise will win out some way some how. I bet just blogging about it helped.
By the way, if you're going to hit someone, it can't be me because I am most decidedly NOT pain-free.
It's hard but you can get through it. The nice thing is that you are at your goal weight so even if you can't exercise you can still continue to maintain, right? That's a great thing! No exercise when trying to lose weight is that much harder. Good luck and I hope you get your toe thing figured out.
As my friend and I would tell each other, when we felt like you are feeling:
Snap out of it!!!!!
Life is good, you have so many blessings. You had your family there for a cuddlefest. This is a bump in the road, a mere bump!!! Do you want things to get better? Only you can make that happen. Soooooo SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!
Now let me hug you and dry your tears and send you on your exercising way. You can get past this...and I am here for you!!! Chat with me anytime!!! I will listen. You go, girl, you have come too far to let a toe get you down. Tape it to the next one for support, maybe that will help.
We all deserve a little "Whoa-is-me" time. Hope you get your mo jo back soon! Sounds like you need some sun and a vacay, girl! Hope you're feeling better!
You may have felt like the old you was back, but the new you still eventually made a healthy dinner rather than reverting back to the true old ways. I really think that is a strong testament to how far you have come and how much you have changed. You took comfort in a snuggle with DH and cats, not food. Awesome! No day is so bad it can't be fixed by a snuggle on the couch with the cats!
Don't hate me that I'm one of those Arc Trainer girls, I don't do it to spite you But I do covet your gunnage that is only going to get more fierce the more arm work you do...
Rest up and get your foot healed and you'll be kickin all our asses on that trainer any day of the week and twice on Sunday!
I hope that almost 2 weeks later, you are feeling significantly better. I am right where you were. Unfortunately for me, I am so very far away from goal. Perhaps Bethany is right, you and hubby should take some sun and relaxation. Keep up the great work. You are an inspiration to me and many others!
As my friend and I would tell each other, when we felt like you are feeling:
and send you on your exercising way. You can get past this...and I am here for you!!! Chat with me anytime!!! I will listen. You go, girl, you have come too far to let a toe get you down. Tape it to the next one for support, maybe that will help.
But I do covet your gunnage that is only going to get more fierce the more arm work you do...