the dreaded post.
For anyone reading - Warning Long Post !!
I havent posted for a while which means only the worst that I have gone way off track and put all my weight back on. I have been avoiding extra pounds like a plague as i didnt want to admit to myself that I was sabotaging my hard work and i didnt want to see everyones success stories and major willpower when at the time i was failing and had only enough will power to fill a shot glass.
So this is my confession, i have gone way off track i have eaten what i wanted and when i wanted and not give a shit, i have drank without even thinking about it choosing WKD BLUE even though i know its the worst drink ever to possibly have. I am so dissapointed in myself as i was really starting to feel good seeing the weight fall off.
Whats my problem? I have spurts of sheer determination but it only takes one knock and all that determination goes like the domino effect. Once im off it takes weeks and weeks to get back so why do i do it to myself. I have attached myself so much to food and i need to break that bond. It is even to the point where i lie to my friends and family about what im eating, i eat like a pig sometimes when im on the train from my families home to my boyfriends and leave the wrappers on the train so noone will ever know what i have eaten then i lie and say i havent eaten anything. I eat like a pig when i feel down which the dereanged thought that it will make me feel better. I feel sometimes like an addict (obviosuly not as serious) i lie about it, hide it from the people close around me which is soo wrong. And that is the bond i need to break, I need to rid me of the obbsession with food but question is HOW?.
I would like to think that i am very logical i know that eating food may give me slight pleasure for abit but thinness will give me pleasure for a lifetime. The more i eat to soothe my worries the more i get depressed because i just get fatter. The fact is I need to keep on track and lose weight, the fact is that we only need food for fuel not enjoyment, and no amount of food is worth that feeling of pure slimness and condifence. I want that will power back, so i promise not to avoid EP because i go off track but read everyones posts more when im off track to give me back that thinspiration. I will start my Diet on the 1st august, a new month a new start meaning i have one day to get rid of any cravings but not go overboard. I will reset my weight on 1st august not to cheat but i dont wanna see a graph that equals failure...so a fresh start on all acounts. After i get weighed on 1st august i will reasses my graduation goal to make it more achievable to give me an incentive to carry on.
And i think thats it my dreaded post is over, i feel more positive already by getting it all off my chest and written clearly on paper and reading everyones posts as also given me huge encouragement. If anyone has read this and got the end you sure dont get bored easily i would of quit with the second line. Keep going strong as ur success fills my bottle of willpower up.