Weigh Day

Just got on the scales and i have lost 1.5 pounds this week,  I thought that it would be more but i gotta remember i did have a chinese this week also i caved in yesterday and had cheese burger and chips so im happy with 1.5 pounds.  Im travelling back home on the train today so this week is going to be a big test i have my sisters birthday meal and birthday night out to contend with so i gotta try my hardest if i wanna see a loss next week.  Losing this week has kept me motivated so hopefully i can do it. 

Tiredness.

These past few days i have just felt really tired, I cant be arsed to do anything but just lounge about.  Yesterday i really struggled through my exercise DVD i didnt manage to complete it, it just felt like i had no energy to work with.  Today i feel the same no energy but im gunna try and plough through it and do my exercise DVD becuase tonight i think im going to see Batman at pictures (thats dependant on how m boyfriend feels after he gets home from work) so that means goodies which i dont think i can resist when im feeling like this so need extra calories burned through exercise to compensate.  God i hate feeling like this right now i just wanna go lie down and not do anything at all.

Roll on weigh day.

The anticipation of weigh day is a killer..I cant wait to get on the scales if i have done well but then i dread the scales if i know i have done bad.  Thursday is the day that I dread the most. 

I didnt do to great this weekend diet wise as i went out for a nice chinese with my boyfriend and then for a few drinks afterwards.  I did try to minimise it though with eating few points during the day and complete my new exercise DVD which i am loving.  Hopefully it works. 

My dinner today hasnt been very nutritional i had a crisp sandwhich lol but I just bought some Bread and it was the softest ever and couldnt resist i was supposed to have weight watchers meal for my dinner but after the sandwhich and packet of crisps i felt pretty full so i stopped eating (that is a huge achievement by my standards) i even refused all the choc and sweets in the shop to which normally i would buy one just for the walk home lol.  Tea tonight will either be chicken curry or fahjitas (cant spell) which i cant wait coz gettng hungry and fahjittas is my favourite meal its probably not the best food diet wise but its chicken spice peppers and corn wraps - how bad can it be.....hmm i think i will watch my portion sizes.   No exercise for me today im soo sore from yesterdays exercise that im giving my muscles a rest.

Well i better go the flat is a bloody mess its driving me insane and it will distract me from food until tea.   Hope your all having a brill day.  xxxx

Boredom is a killer.

Im sat at home by myself and there is nothing on telly and im bored and i can hear the fridge calling me...I have already given in and had a bag of crisps i really dont want to eat anything else..I gotta resist think i might go get me a drink.

OK so i went out the other day and got myself an exercise DVD i really wanted to get the new natalie cassidy new one but it was 20 pound so with my being skint i went for the cheaper option and went for the hollyoaks one *the cast members arnt in it now thats hoqw old it was but it was £7 so to the till i went.  Well when i get home i was all excited got in my exercise gear and proceeded with the DVD.  Well it was shit everything from the lack of instructions to the workout to the camera and lightening work, i felt like this DVD was soft porn and for the boys not for the struggling women trying to lose weight,  Needless to say that wil be last time i ever do that exercise. 

I was so annoyed the next day i went an actually bought the DVD i wanted in the first place the Natalie Cassidy DVD, I did it today and found this exercise to be perfect so will def doing that again. I think the moral is not to be soo cheap and buy the stuff u actually want...also check out reviews lol.

So back on track with exercise and eating all i gotta do is stay away from the fridge as the boredom gremlin is out and pushing me into that fridge.  I can control this I hope. 

the start or is this the middle

Ok the 1st of august has being and gone and i have dramatically cut down on my food since then but i still havent been strict with myself or done any exercise what so ever.  Then it hit me yesterday...I had a massive argument with my boyfriend and i was really upset then on top of that I was also feeling down because i put all the weight back on and felt really fat/ugly/disgusting and very unconfident then it hit me.....I cant change the fact I am upset because of the argument as it is what it is and if he pisses me off then thats sometimes out of my control. 

But my weight....that is something i can control,  I am upset with my weight because i make myslef upset i cant blame my family cant blame my boyfriend noone forces me to place that 3rd chocolate bar in my mouth.   I am the only person who is hindering my happiness when it comes to my weight and i am the only one who can change this.  So yesterday i got my arse of the couch and walked the dreaded 30 minutes walk into town and back to buy a new exercise DVD as i left my usual back in Hull.  So now i have no excuse i can exercise, i can eat healthy because this is something i can control.  

Oh yeah and got weighed this morning (i have decided to change my weigh in to the mornings so get it out the way as soon as i get up in the morning).  I weighed 12 stone and half a pound so not as bad as i thought fingers crossed to be back in the 11 stoners next week :)))

the dreaded post.

For anyone reading - Warning Long Post !!

I havent posted for a while which means only the worst that I have gone way off track and put all my weight back on. I have been avoiding extra pounds like a plague as i didnt want to admit to myself that I was sabotaging my hard work and i didnt want to see everyones success stories and major willpower when at the time i was failing and had only enough will power to fill a shot glass.

So this is my confession, i have gone way off track i have eaten what i wanted and when i wanted and not give a shit, i have drank without even thinking about it choosing WKD BLUE even though i know its the worst drink ever to possibly have.  I am so dissapointed in myself as i was really starting to feel good seeing the weight fall off. 

Whats my problem?  I have spurts of sheer determination but it only takes one knock and all that determination goes like the domino effect.  Once im off it takes weeks and weeks to get back so why do i do it to myself.  I have attached myself so much to food and i need to break that bond.  It is even to the point where i lie to my friends and family about what im eating, i eat like a pig sometimes when im on the train from my families home to my boyfriends and leave the wrappers on the train so noone will ever know what i have eaten then i lie and say i havent eaten anything.  I eat like a pig when i feel down which the dereanged thought that it will make me feel better.  I feel sometimes like an addict (obviosuly not as serious) i lie about it, hide it from the people close around me which is soo wrong.  And that is the bond i need to break,  I need to rid me of the obbsession with food but question is HOW?. 

I would like to think that i am very logical i know that eating food may give me slight pleasure for abit but thinness will give me pleasure for a lifetime.  The more i eat to soothe my worries the more i get depressed because i just get fatter.  The fact is I need to keep on track and lose weight, the fact is that we only need food for fuel not enjoyment, and no amount of food is worth that feeling of pure slimness and condifence.  I want that will power back, so i promise not to avoid EP because i go off track but read everyones posts more when im off track to give me back that thinspiration. I will start my Diet on the 1st august, a new month a new start meaning i have one day to get rid of any cravings but not go overboard.  I will reset my weight on 1st august not to cheat but i dont wanna see a graph that equals failure...so a fresh start on all acounts.  After i get weighed on 1st august i will reasses my graduation goal to make it more achievable to give me an incentive to carry on. 

And i think thats it my dreaded post is over, i feel more positive already by getting it all off my chest and written clearly on paper and reading everyones posts as also given me huge encouragement.  If anyone has read this and got the end you sure dont get bored easily i would of quit with the second line.  Keep going strong as ur success fills my bottle of willpower up.

Bloody hell,

I have worked my socks off to try and not gain...i would of loved a stay the same maybe even have a pound on or off but ive bloody put on 2 1/2 sodding pounds.  Now i am back in the 12s....the 12s i vowed never to see again well im seeing it. pfft so annoying.  I am sooo annoyed why do I always turn to food,,,im so annoyed im thinking of eating anything and everything tonight but thats what got me here in the first place.

Right thats my sodding rant over lol.....I gotta look forward to next week gotta keep exercising and eating healthy.  I have a BBQ on saturday which is gunna really test me but i need to lose this weight.  Im not gunna track my weight till next week coz hopefully i can bring it back next week and i really dont wanna see that stupid graph going up as that will kill my motivation.

Recovery continued ...WI tomorrow ARGH

So today i have done really well with my food i havent snacked and i have eated three meals (gladly not all at once).  I didnt do no exercise at all today though so at 10.30 tonight i felt really guilty for not doing any as i have to work my arse off to recover from my dreadfull 3 day binge so I decided to go on the cross trainer for 25 minutes, i ended up doin 3.45 Km and burning 509 Kj, better then nothing i say.  So sat at the computer hopefully my metobolism stays high to burn fat while i sleep (that would be the best thing ever...i would sleep all day and night if that was the case). 

Im really proud of myself for not letting the three day binge last longer it stopped and i leaped back on that wagon i just hope the scales are proud of me too.  WI tomorrow and I am so scared, gunna get up and do 15 minutes on the cross trainer before breakfast then after lunch im gunna do my 30 minutes excerise (might do my davina DVD for a change) LAST chance workout as they say on biggest looser.   so hopefully by 6 oclock tomorrow evening i will be logging a weight loss.  

Fingers crossed x

Recovery day Two

Well yesterday i didnt do too badly i had a lovely magnum icecream but apart from that i only had about 12 points all day so i let myself off.  Today i have done really well, did 45 minutes on the cross trainer and I have eaten well today. 

However, got on the scales and it said i have gone back up to 12 stone 2 pounds, im just hoping that isnt the correct weight (weighed in after i have eaten my tea) fingers crossed i havent put it all back on with a stupid 3 day binge.  I am regretting it sooo much, there was no need for me to eat like a pig but I just do...its weird but least i feel like i have my motivation back now so onwards and downwards i go (Hoepfully).  I have tomorrow to recover as well so that means alot of exercise and eating proper healthy tomorrow.  Im scared of wednesday now though really would love to see a loss on the scale but i know that it probably wont happen.

Biggest Looser

The biggest looser USA has finally finished here and I have loved watching this season it has given me so much inspiration.  I have just watched the final and Im so glad a girl won it this year, just watching it has given me a lot of motivation to turn this week around and lose some weight,,,granted I only have 3 days now to bring it back around I am just really hoping that i dont put on and i stay the same.  So gunna exercise my arse off these next 3 days.

 I also have to get my bedroom sorted this week, finally pack all my stuff, throw away all my junk and make that huge move to lincoln.  Cant wait to be finally settled.  My bedroom at the minute is like a bomb site, I think i burn calories just looking at the task that i have ahead of me.