just had a bit of an odd weight loss patch, london screwed it up, put on a pound or so initially, but it came off in a few days, then i didnt loose anything for a week, and now finally im back on track....
so i have lost a whole stone, and 4lbs into my second stone loss, 2lbs till i beat myown challenge....and im very excited.
i just wanted to post this for a memory, i put it on a forum, and got interesting replies, but when im thinnner i wonder if my opinion will change?
YESTERDAY
I was sat in our canteen today with a group of friends, one who is a model (but very modest and lovely and just looks after herself), and she happened to point out a lady who was extremly overweight, must have been a good 20stone eating a plate of chips and fish and everything batterd and nasty. She said how she feel fattest but wants to go over and help her not to do that. I understood what she meant but we then ended up discussing, when is it right to intervene with other peoples lives, and just because some of us care about our bodies, and they way we eat/live, does that mean other people need to be told? maybe now because i care about my body, and my life i am more aware of others, but as i said to my friends, there were times that i would have happily snuck into a big pile of chips when i was bigger and not even thought twice about it. i could not help feel awfull for the lady, because she must feel how the rest of us do when we are/were bigger, everyone must be looking at me cause im eating fatty food, thinking,'god shes huge she sould go on a diet'. she may have an eating condition, yes, or a weight problem, but i could not help think about this subject of conversation, and see what other, dieters opinion was on this matter. If food makes her happy, and eating what she wants, then who could ever tell her to stop what she is doing. NO ONE, i suppose that free-will all over, but i wish when i wa sgetting bigger one of my close loved ones was strong enough to say, your getting a bit larger, are you happy with this?
im a bit down again today, because i have a lot on my mind, money, job, friends. but mainly how i have lost 10lbs, but still have no success with my clothes, how sucky is that?
my jeans are a lil bit baggy but only undert my stomache no where else.
and i thought i would see if my other jeans fitted so i could were them in london next week, but they dont :-( how rubbish is that.
im gonna have to pick up some new jeans in the same size this week, but i really dont want to have to, because if in 1 months time i am a size smaller, im gonnanot need them anymore. :-(
well i woke up to an unexpected 1lb weight loss, but the way im going id rather it would have been nothing, cause next week i could have hoped for a massive loose.
Im feeling rubbish today, i gotta stop eating so much on my lunch breaks, i only have about 350cals, but i try to have 500 up to dinner, then i can have a normal sized dinner (without going extreme) and about a 200 dessert.
so i tried some clothes on and looking at my horrible naked body with strech marks everywhere has brought me down, im not gonna binge eat, because thats what got me this way, but i just feel awfull and i feel like crap and i just hate myself right now :-(
Well.... what a week. Benn very thought provoking week.
The clocks went back an hour last night, which means i should be asleep still, but my body is confussed and hungry.
I went running last night again,....
lap 1 - 9mins
lap 2- 10mins
half lap - walk and run about 150meters.
so improvments already.
I feel bloated and weird today like TOM is approaching, but im never sure with only one overy that works.All i know is i had a great nite in with boyfriend last night, and hes sleeping now while i get my last post of the week in, and fill up diettalk.com and 3fatchicks.com with my posts.
people keep warning me about how i may plateau with how much i eat...but im scared to up it incase i dont loose anything, id rather loose 4 lbs every 2 weeks then nothing or 1 lbs a week.Its annoying, but whatever works i guess.
I wish i could see weight change from running this week. Its so diccifuclt doing somthing you have always hated and found so difficult. But im already seeing improvments to my fitness, and i can feel my legs toning slowly.
next running should be tuesday or wednesday dependning on what happends for haloween. If i go out im deffinetly going as a black cat hehe.
Im hoping i get some job interviews soon, although it means ill have to buy new black trousers and shoes, because i have grown out of my old ones. But im hoping to get a size 18 in primark (nice and cheap) but i dont know if ill fit, last time i tried a 18 on it didnt fit, but these look slightly baggier and with a bit of weight loss you never know i guess.
anyway i think im gonna go have somthing to munch before my stomache eats all the muscle...tara for now x
Just a quick one, feeling happier today... but not sure why, got the fire workign in the spare room so when im on the pc im warm, and feeling kinda sleepy and good today.
I ate awfully yesterday, well not awfull, just over the allowence....1570 :o should have only been 1400 but today is a better day only had 500 today so far and im off running in an hour and a bit :-) YAY...kinda.
looks wet and nasty out there, but i suppose it s good to go running tonight then i can totally have a bed day tommorow. Man i love being lazy.
No weight loss showing anywhere yet this week, but oh well maintaining is just as important i suppose, when i get back to exercising everyday im sure it will come off again. Be great if i lost another 4lbs in a week and a half. means id only have 4 lbs to go to christmas. and only 2lbs till i lost an entire stone. that would be great.
Me and boyfriend kind of talked last night....he told me he was a bit down at the moment, he has a lot on and has so many people to please he hates that at the end of a work day he cant come home and make me as happy as he makes his bosses. I realised how silly and selfish i can be sometimes.... and how god damn moody i can get when im left on my own all week. I need company lol.
running tonight..... then good dinner, CSI for entertainment and thena romantic night in.....somhow. just talk stuff through maybe....
anyway hope you read this and im slimmer when you do :-)
For some reason, i have been really down the past few days, i cant shake it. Every night i talk with my boyfriend about somthing, and every night i always end up realising our realationship is very weak at the moment. I know only i can really change that, but i feel like im loosing a battle that only im really effortly fighting for. Since he started his new job hes been very work foccussed which is fine, but when he gets home he cant switch off from it and he will just be ion a low mood from exhaustion and no matter what i do for him it really doesnt make much difference....which sucks really.
So with me failing to make him happy it makes me depressed, and then he cant/wont make me happy so were both just unhappy and stubborn and miserable.
But on the upside, i walked to town today and wasnt a lazy bitch, and went job hunting again. I handed in an application form for ann summers, blacks (i have worked for before) and i got a application from virgin. I may have applied somwhere else, but i forgett easily it seems.
No phone calls from anyone yet, but hopefully i will get some soon. Need to start the money flowing in.It may mean i dont get much of a lie in anymore, (which will suck) as i will end up working both saturday and sunday possibly.Id rather work evenings in the week and have weekends free for me time and cleaning time lol.
So i felt tired asnd exhausted walking home today, almost jumped in a taxi, but i thought id save money and the extra 2 mile walk with weight would do me good.
i wish i could shake this depression, because deppression really effects how much weight you loose. I guess i am a bit lonely this week. Oh well back to college soon..... :-s
i cant belive it myself to be honest. Me and my boyfriend went into town and bought trainers each and jogging pants (thats look and feel awfull by the way) and went for a 30 min jog around the park. One lap of it is about a mile, and i went round first walking and jogging and a good pace, completed it in 9 mins 11seconds, second lap we decided to walk at a very fast pace, then we jogged for a bit more, so i completed 2.5 laps, which for me is amazing.
i hate running always have, and so its gonna be great accomplishing somthing in my life i have never ever done before. If i get alot better at it then i will deffinetly enter a run for charity next summer or somthing. Im hoping what will happen though is i will use the running untill i feel better about my body and then i can start going to the gym (when i have a job) and i can go swimmming, because i LOVE swimmming.
but i can certainly feel my legs shaping up from running which is great cause my legs are one of my worst areas of my body, and always the last place to loose weight.
were off running tommorow night again, i shouyld really do some exercise today so i dont get complacent.
It was soooo hard running, i felt so bad, i felt like i was holding my boyfriend back because his physical fitness is so much higher then mine, but he stuck with me the entire way round and i was very greatfull for that....maybe i should make him a card or somthing to say thanks.
we havent resolved our house cleaning problems, and yet again im here all day doing most of it, but i have made a list of all the stuff that really needs to be done today, and i have done about 5 of the 9 on the list and im gonna leave 4 for him to do when he gets home.
He uses the fact that he works as a reason for him not to do any house work, and he does the house work really slow and orderly, it will take him an hour 2 to 3 loads of wahsing up where as it would take me a maximum of 20 mins.
i need to find a new approach to get him to do cleaning thats for sure.
I weighed myself this morning and i was annoyed becaus ei had put on weight. :-s but im hoping it was becayse it was about5 hours later then i normally weight myself. :-(
im keeping a sort of log book on a different website called www.diettalk.com in the journals section, my name is freethetoys. i dont write a journal more a thought book, its good though and seems to have attracted a few vistiers :-) keeps my mind ticking as well as my weight.
i know i proberly wont loose anything this week, seems to be the way it goes, maybe mother nature is a coming who knows, but i really hate the week between when i loose.
i was hoping i may loose more regularly with the whole running thing as well. oh well only time can tell i suppose.
yet i felt like rubbish,by unch time i was bloated, and suffereing from a late night, and getting up early. I just felt like hiding most the day. I managed to talk myself into going for a walk to post a letter for about 30 mins, and played with my camera for a bit which was nice. Especially as its warmer outside then it is inside.
i should have gone to town today to look for jobs though which im rubbish for not doing. But i deffinetly will drag my boyfriend into town tommorow to do.
im well pshyced about the weight loss, but full of doubt to why i have lost so much....so fast. I just hope it dont go back on, or worse of all i only loose this and i kind of slump for a bit. I deffinetly need to join a gym or do some sort of training. Maybe i could talk boyfriend into getting me trainers tommorow and then going up to the gym tommorow night for an induction.... then i could go up there on friday or thursday for a good workout session and keep myself smiling.
i wish working out was not so expensive,
i dunno i got so much i need to do i feel completly blown over by it all, and as my boyfriend is working i dont really get any other support then money from him at the moment. which is rubbish.
hopefully i can chat to him tonight and well sort it out....:s
well. i woke up to a bit of an odd suprise this monring, stood on the scales (just to have a sneaky looky ) and it looks like i have shifted 4-5 lbs.
Im in total shock.
I dont know how i have done it, if anything i have only exercised like 4 times the week gone, and i had 2-3 days where i was at home working hard on my art, but not working hard on working out :-s. Weird huh. Anyway the offical day of weight loss is tommorow, so it means i have to hold offf untill then to be able to log it, it may be a freak weigh in on the scales anyway.
I hope not though.
I did take off my jeans last night without undoing the belt of the flies, which was weird. Me and my boyfriend laughed alot.
Maybe fighting this flu has used up more energy then it should have done.
This week my plan is to increase my exercise. Today im doing nothing, im resting in the warmth, becaus ei still have a very sore throat which wont shift itself.So before i go out runnning in the cold wet weather over the next fe days im gonna try and get better first.
I ate like 1460 cals and then 1800 cals over the weekend, which was higher then i would have hoped for, but yesterday i had a roast with my family, and you can not tell your mum you dont want any roast potatoes because you wanna drop several million jean sizes.
i also decided on the way home last night that on my otherwebsite im on www.diettalk.com im gonna create a journal where i reflect on being bigge,r and when im smaller, i can look back at what made me unhappy, oir what i wont miss, and use that for motivation to stay thin for the rest of my life.Or at least till im at the stage of my life where i dont need to worry about that sort of rubbish anymore.
so feeling good today. Its weird i could have potentially lost 9lb in 3 weeks. thata a huge amount,it almost feels unhealthy. :-s
