Taking control
I need to take control of something in my life...I came to this conclusion today at work...I was talking to a lady I work with, and she made me realize that I need control of me..I am spinning downward again, and I don't want to go there again. I have been struggling with issues, and to be honest it has effected my eating..I am back up to 225 pounds...WTF...I made an appointment with a dietician at my clinic...I need help learning how to eat properly, how to make realistic purchases at the store and still manage to help my whole family eat better and feel better. My daughter is going out for cheerleading and she has decided that she needs to eat better also, I want a baby, I want to be healthier....I would love to be rich but oh well.I make ends meet barely sometimes but you know what oh well....I don't have to have the coolest gadgets, or a super fancy car...what I need is to be healthy, to watch and help my children grow into smart, caring, educated people who will make a change is this world....I am not going to care anymore that my exhusband is an A@@hole, and just because he is miserable in his life, he doesnt need to make mine miserable, I am tired of fighting with him about the kids...either you help or you don't whatever...they live with me by choice, they both are doing wonderful in school....my daughter who has never wanted to go out for anything has decided that she wants to try cheerleading...(she just came to live with me this summer, my son has been with me for 4 years, my youngest daughter still lives with her dad and he doesnt let me see her as much but I still love her and just hope she is happy being with her dad)...I am not going to care that my mother in law throws how much she spends on my sister in law or what she has bought herself....I am done trying to keep up with the jones' so to speak...what I do care about is getting my butt under 200 pounds and down to my ultimate goal of 145 by next christmas...I know what I need to do with my life and I am going to do it...I am tired of this life....I am ready for a change...I know this probably doesn't make much sense to anyone but me, but you know what I don't care....I am here for me....if I meet friends along the way I would feel blessed, but I am and will become the best me I can be...I will be a good mom, a wonderful wife, a terrific friend to those I have, I will be a better daughter to my parents without them I wouldn't be where I am today, I will be the best that I can be at work, I will be nicer to my patients ( am nice now, but sometimes the crabby ones can be trying).....I want to be better..I know I have it in me to turn my life around...I love my life and now I am going to love me