Stick in the mud
UrbanDictonary.com, a VERY reliable source (tongue-in-cheek) cites a stick in the mud as
Someone who prefers to allow things of seeming enjoyment pass them by
Someone who prefers to "stick" (stay, remain) in the "mud" (a metaphor
for despression and unhappiness) derived from "to stick in the mud"
Well I feel like crawling out of this hole and washing some mud of.
I'm getting angry. Just starting to get angry at myself. How the H*U&)(#E did I let myself veer so far from my goals? Getting angry ( insert any other emotion here too) is usually easy for me but it always turned inward. You screw me over? I mull it over in my head, self comfort with food, etc. Day sucks? Sit on my butt Someone says ugly untruths to me? Cry about it and let it ruin me.
You see, I'm really good at letting others get under my skin. And instead of directing the anger/hurt etc back at the person/situation whatever, I take it all in. But I'm angry at myself. For allowing it.
And, because I allow it, I am taking that anger out on my body, hurting myself.
so fine.
If that's my coping mechanism, fine.
I'm going to get so angry at myself. I am going to push and shove and KILL myself with exercise and activities. It's a nicer thing to do than kill myself by overeating which, let's face it, I'm shaving years off my life with my weight and whatever health problems may come from this. If I'm going to kill/punish myself then it's going to be getting mad at myself and punishing myself by exercise.
A little beating myself up.
i know this rambling makes sense to someone other than myself.