04/16/2010 04:33
Root of the matter
The taxes are done and sent off ( I forgot to send a copy of my federal forms with my state filing. Now what!) At any rate, I can focus on more important matters, like why I am trying to kill myself with this extra weight on my body/ why I overeat even after talking it out in my head that I messed up and should stop! Was at work yesterday and realized that my lower back was killing me.. I thought "oh maybe you were holding (my nephew) too long or ??" And then I realized, no, my lower back hurts because I am %&^@#&%@&^ FAT!
I am carrying around far too much weight. And THAT is what causes the pain.
So. now i feel stuck. The half-assing it that I have been doing isn't working. Do I get ridig and count calories? I know it works, but it's not very flexible. Do I follow Geneen Roth and just stop the worrying and get to the root of my heart and feeling and emotions and deal with my heart/head and let the weight follow when I stop using food as a shield/crutch? or do I try the WeighDown Workshop method of filling my idle time with God and focus on him instead of me? I don't even know what direction to turn. I'm tired of being in the 190's. I'm tired of not having control over my own life. I'm tired.
