i'm sort of back
Hi everyone.
So, I disappeared off the radar and have been going downhill ever since. I started eating exactly what I wanted. I stopped stepping on the scale. And I stopped going to weight watchers.
But then this morning I jumped on the scale and I have probably gained around 3 or 4 kgs. And I dont' ever want to weigh 117 kgs ever again. I am terrified of it. Last time I lost weight, I got down to about 92. I have been trying to figure our ho I put back all the weight and more. And I did it by not monitoring. By ignoring a and forgetting and hoping no one would notice. I have also been struggling with depression. I'm n St Johns Wort now, so am feeling much better.
I cannot gain back all that weight again. Not going to happen this time. We're trying for a baby. So I know that my weight loss efforts will be put on hold when I fall pregnant. But I want to be "grown up" about my food choices. Whenever I eat badly I feel like a child that cannot control herself and needs an adult to set her straight. I have to do this for myself and for my family.
I have really been struggling lately. I just cannot figure out why I can't get my head back in the zone. I need to do this. I want this. I want to be thinner.
I think that, in a way, as soon as life got better, and I could shop in the normal clothing stores again and I could wear prettier clothes, I kinda stopped worrying because I had what I wanted. To a degree. But its not enough. So.... my goal is to just get to 95 (for now). And I will.
I'm not going to go to weight watchers. I know I can do it alone. I have done it before and will do it again.
I'll be using my home scale from now on. First thing every thursday morning.
There...
Good for you.
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