Yup, it's weight. There are hundreds of things that differentiate us from one another, whether it be social status, income, career, race, religion... but we all have one thing in common -- our weight, and for the majority of us, the desire to control it (not the other way around),
It was way too cold to get out of bed this morning, and I'm tired too, so blog reading drew me in. I've read posts from all over the world and it's really universal -- this hold food has on us. I wonder how long it’s been this way.Did it arrive with the industrial revolution? Surely people were tempted long before drive through windows, Biggie size and 31 Flavors, or were they? And if so, what was it that tempted them?There was no fat-free, sugar-free anything then…So it’s our fault?We created all this food addiction ourselves, creating the weight loss industry, resulting in millions of health related issues?(Okay, I’m getting carried away…)Anyway, there is small comfort in knowing I'm not alone.
Dad arriving with donuts (a dozen) and donut holes (the large) shortly, all for the kids (3) of course. (A 1/2 dozen probably would have been just fine.) I didn't have the heart to say no to him... so I have to say no to myself. Besides, with my body all but formally rejecting all manner of processed carbs (i.e. serious pizza dough), I doubt a donut would agree with my now delicate digestive tract. A good thing actually.
Passed on the gym early after creepy experience with GC#2 yesterday, but not sure I can fit it in later. I often take Sunday as my DOR so no guilt here. Although presently trying to get myself to the gym for at least a half... after all, half a workout is better than no workout, right?
Today is another opportunity to get it right.I’ve been fighting with my body since 1979 – way too long.What will control me when it isn’t my weight?What will I devote all this time and energy to?Please, oh please say it's not maintenance!
Good golly, what has got me on this tangent?!? All right, I'm off... oatmeal for breakfast!
In my life... food and my emotions are inextricably intertwined. I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, depressed, ecstatic and of course -- when I'm angry. This afternoon I am angry.
FH (former husband) behaving badly again, which inevitably spills over to the whole family.Of course, my marrying him was the biggest mistake – of which I am periodically reminded.Guilt reigns supreme when that happens, because of course, I know it to be true.
I will not use this as a reason to not be OP. I will not!Shrimp, veggies, brown rice for dinner – and one of those vanilla/caramel puddings for dessert.Point total: (4)
Did finally make it to the gym -- but ran hard and angry. Steps taken -- 13,608
Snowy Saturday and for some reason I am R-A-V-E-N-O-U-S! When I went to take my BC this morning, there was an extra pill -- today should have been my last. Must have missed a morning, could that be inching TOM ahead and spurring on my preTOM cravings? I don't know... but all I want to do is EAT! I took both pills this morning and hope that pushes things back to their normal ETA -- Tuesday.
When I went shopping I knew my choices were hormone driven. Sugar-free pudding with caramel (1 pt), but still not something I normally buy, two cans of fat free Redi-Whip (why does it taste better in a can than in a tub?) -- I can justify this purchase since they were 2 for $5, ohhh and the ultimate; a bag of the Lindor milk chocolate truffles and a bag of the Lindor dark chocolate truffles (for my bosses?). Still I logged 3000 steps just running around. Not bad!
So far my eating has been on track, but I will have to pay close attention to stay that way. I just broke in to a new decade and I'm not going back, TOM or no TOM!
In other news... I ran in to the regular grocery to buy something for the kids and was in the self-checkout when I notice a man come up very close to my legs and bend down -- to get one of the hand carriers. Turns out it was GC#2, who pretended he didn't know it was me, and I did likewise. Still it's freaky, my checkout was the furthest away and he actually had to walk by the first one to get to mine. Plus, there is a much nicer market right next to where he is... His stalker-likeness is starting to creep me out!
And... last night I applied for a few more jobs on-line.Something surely will happen soon. In keeping with some of my other goals for this year, I picked up the supplies so I can get started on the my first Project Linus blanket. My goal is one blanket per month. Hopefully this will help me keep my hands from my mouth -- and do something nice for someone else at the same time.
2:07p -- okay! I swear I am going to the gym. I checked my stash of chocolates. The truffles are 2 points each (!!!!!). I am hiding them from myself! BTW, I noticed today that the skinny cow ice cream sandwiches are 20 for $8.99 at Costco, but $4.99 for 6 at the supermarket. Guess I know where I'm buying them! Even the chocolate ones are good! Alright, the gym already! I'm going : ) Steps taken so far -- 3,056
100 Little Known and Totally Useless Facts about Me
1- My middle name is Marie 2- I played on the boys tennis team in high school 3- I had my first kiss at 14 - he was on said tennis team 4- My favorite childhood home - Irvine, CA 5- I could live forever on - pasta 6- The 80's - where my musical tastes are trapped 7- Favorite flavor of ice cream - Dreyer's/Edy's Grand Moose Tracks 8- The Osmond's or the Jackson 5? Jackson 5 Duh! 9- I love peanut butter 10- I really L-O-V-E canned whipped cream - with or without food 11- I never got the whole Bobby Sherman thing 12- I am an equal opportunity chocoholic - milk, dark, white 13- Childhood crush -- Kent McCord from Adam-12 14- I have had the same best friend for 24 years 15- Number of children - 4; number of children who drive me nuts - 2 16- Best thing my children taught me – patience 17- Elbow length – longest my hair has ever been 18- I can't live without my -- flatiron 19- I cannot imagine a life without my children 20- Favorite food group - carbs 21- I don't shave my legs as often as I should 22- I like to spend time alone 23- If I had extra money this week I would get a - massage 24- Zero - days this week Dad has NOT emailed me about my taxes 25- 23 years/32 days - age at which I got married 26- 13 years – number of years I was married 27- 4 years – number of years I was happily married 28- 5 years – number of years I was unhappily married 29- 2 years – number of years I simply coexisted 30- 2 years – number of years it took to unravel previous 11 years 31- I could open my own bookstore specializing in: relationships, diets, self-help, child rearing 32- Favorite thing about my current job – I’m still thinking… 33- I have been in love once – and it wasn’t my former husband 34- I’ve had a crush on James Spader for 20 years 35- I have occasionally watched Jerry Springer to feel better about my life 36- I can, on occasion, be sarcastic 37- I have had acrylic nails for 16 years 38- My manicure is always – French 39- I can’t live without my Tweezerman tweezers 40- My mouth often doesn’t wait for my brain to generate the appropriate response – often resulting in embarrassment 41- I have, on occasion, told blonde jokes 42- I can happily eat cold pizza for breakfast 43- Guilty pleasure – People Magazine 44- I hit the ground running when my feet hit the floor 45- My penmanship could be nicer 46- I’ve been off diet Coke for two years and I still miss it 47- I like tall men 48- I don’t drink coffee 49- I'll admit it, I have watched Laguna Beach, The Hills & My Super Sweet 16 50- Temperature at which Pennsylvania is entirely too cold -- 65º 51- Last time I was in California – August 52- When I plan to go back – ASAP 52- I like my smile 54- My first job: Skinny Haven in Santa Ana 55- My second job: Maria Callendini’s in Tustin 56- Romantic comedies are my fav! 57- I went to Cal Poly SLO for my freshman year -- Architecture 58- I graduated from Penn State -- Advertising 59- I was in a sorority in college (Kappa) 60- I have a master’s degree in flirting 61- I can occasionally procrastinate – sometimes 62- I am a closet crafter 63- I enjoy the occasional bowl (okay! box) of Lucky Charms 64- I would love to learn to knit – well 65- I occasionally think about breast augmentation and a brow lift 66- Age at which my weight first became an issue – 18 67- I got my driver’s license on my 16th birthday – June 12, 1976 68- My first car was a ’70 Volkswagen beetle 69- Gas was 50¢/gallon when I got my license 70- Number of speeding tickets received – 1 71- Last time I made a cake from scratch – 12 years 72- Cake or frosting?Cake 73- On my next birthday cake there will be 46 candles 74- I love being the age that I am 75- I never lie about my age 76- What may be perceived as aloofness, is actually shyness 77- I can eat an entire large movie theatre popcorn with butter - by myself 78- Strangest pregnancy craving – Neco wafers 79- My longest uninterrupted run was 8 miles 80- 10K – race I would like to complete in 2007 81- 5K – race completed in 2006, coming in ahead of one of my daughters 82- In a perfect world, I would live walking distance to the beach 83- I am happiest barefoot, but… 84- I own -one- pair of Ugg boots which I love 85- I love smart men 86- I no longer trust my taste in men 87- Italian... language I would LOVE to speak 88- I wear SPF 35 89- I have a beach umbrella 90- I actually sit under it 91- Favorite candy – hot tamales (after chocolate of course) 92- I prefer platinum to gold or silver 93- One can NEVER have too many friends 94- I secretly wanted to be on The Starting Over House 95- One can never be too rich or too thin 96- On each of the four happiest days of my life – I had a child 97- Last time I cried – Tuesday 98- 0 – number of times I ever wished I were someone else 99- Life time I laughed – minutes ago 100- My glass is half-full
It’s amazing how I can look so incredibly busy and be doing absolutely nothing work related.It’s a skill I’ve honed over the past 13 months since taking this position.Yesterday we worked at break-neck pace…so today is the reward day : )Lots of drive time with the kids tonight, so I suppose I’m just conserving my energy for what lies ahead.
I am happy to report that for the month of January I was totally OP 31 out of 31 days!AND… today is my official 2-year continuous WW anniversary!So it feels good, even though I am up from last year at this time.Hopefully with all the medical stuff cleared up I will back where I want to be in no time.
After all the medical drama, yesterday was the first time in months that I've had a good solid run... like those I had last spring. I'm back! And I'm gonna fight to stay here!
8:00 pm I'm exhausted... kids all over town. One still needs to be picked up at nine o'clock. And then... BED!
Work finished on a good note. Did I mention that Boss#1 left me a voice mail at the office at 11:30p Tuesday night telling me how much she appreciated my hard work, initiative, effort, etc. (insert more praise here) and how she was going to keep fighting for my pay increase and grade change? Hmmm, very interesting...
I am pleased to report that a near blow out with DD14 was averted tonight due to my keeping my cool. I knew whatever was bothering her had NOTHING to do with what I made for dinner -- although that was what started her off and running. I'm finding more each day that to raise her, I'd do better dialing up Cleo from the Psychic Friend's Network. Surely she couldn't do any worse than me? No additional food was consumed. (Yay!!) Tomorrow I WI!
Okay, I admit it... I am suffering a full on case of PMS (Pretty Miserable Self) when a woman blew through a red light right in front of me this morning... car chase speed.If I had been driving anything but a van with the pick-up of an elephant, I would have found myself in her path.
A minute later, she is in front of me and turns onto campus where she nearly took off the mechanical gate arm (guess she didn't want to have to swipe her card). And because I felt safe and because she was on campus, when she pulled in opposite my parking lot... I pulled in behind her.
No bad language, no raised voice, just a crazy woman ranting. To which the Indy driving nutcase questioned how I knew she ran the light... perhaps I ran the light? Well, why not throw gas on the fire Lady... I'm already on a roll. I had to come to work early in order to leave early, I had a teen miss his ride, I have a dr.s appt. at four, followed by a riding lesson out in no-man’s-land, with a conference call somewhere in the middle.All of which will put me home so I might just catch the end of American Idol if I’m lucky. So Lady, make my day.
And so, I took a stand for all of the other drivers who have cut me off, gone 12 in a 25, talked on their telephones when they should have been turning left; for all the driver’s that ran the stop sign opposite the park, rode on my tail when I WAS going the speed limit, and who took the parking spot at COSTCO that I had been waiting for five minutes in 10 degree weather.So I hope you got the message… that your life would not have been irrevocably ruined had you waited for the next traffic light, but mine could quite well have ended with your haste.
By the way... my campus mailman reports that she did not get out of her car for a full ten minutes after I left...
Took today as a DOR due to the morning snow. Pedometer shows I have done virtually N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Had hoped to rack up the steps anyway... hmmm, will have to think of back up plan.
Turned out to be a rather ordinary (albeit busy) day. Ran an errand at lunch which took way too long and continued after work which put me home after 7 o'clock. Kids back in sync today so my happy little household equilibrium has been reinstored. When things are good... they are very, very good. But when they are bad... well, you get the picture.
Not such great things... bff from high school still battling breast cancer. We were going to try to get together for our birthdays (May/June) but she's not sure she will be up for it. : ( Found out early this morning that my brother's FIL died suddenly last night from a heart attack -- I've know him since I was in high school. So very sad... I think he and my Dad are about the same age.
Note to self: Life is short -- make it meaningful.
I could not, for the life of me, get on EP yesterday... had a tough day all around. Sometimes a bad day with one of the kids can send me to the fridge and I fought the urge ALL DAY LONG. I've been at this parenting thing for 19 years, with the youngest (easiest) home for another four years and the toughest home for another three. I know I am not the cause of her anger, but in her frustration she directs it at me and it can make for a stressful time.
Finished the day at 26 points... could have been so much worse. Told myself I would let myself eat up to 30 -- but ended the evening with a bowl of baby carrots. Didn't eat any junk... just an extra small meal in there. It could also be that I ate breakfast so late (11:30a) which is often a set up for all day eating. Since I went to the gym early and then headed out from there to run errands/pick up kids... the apple/cheese I took just didn't do the trick.
Alright, that was yesterday. Today is a completely fresh start...
Get out of my way... I have places to go and things to do and I'm not in a very good mood : (. In spite of my lousy outlook the sun has the audacity to be out and shining. The nerve! Has it no idea that I am in the midst of a humongous pity party? Out, out, sun!
Hideous boring things I have to do today: - Complete FAFSA forms for next year - Compile tax information for this year - Move all the tools/painting supplies from dining room to their ACTUAL storage location (basement) - Laundry - Clean my room (wishful thinking) - Send out at least one resume/cover letter (sent three yesterday) - Stay OP - Get to gym... try and stay for 1 hour... log in 10,000 steps
Things I would LOVE to do today: - Stay in nice warm bed, roll over and -- ignore the day - Engage in complete and total carb load to induce sleep and allow me to completely (you guessed it) -- ignore the day - Watch a series of bad telemovies on Lifetime and hope storylines are so miserable and depressing as to actually make my situation appear positive and full of hope - Lose myself in trashy paperback novel to -- ignore said day - Go to bed early and wake up tomorrow as if today never happened
Since I must do the former, and will not do the latter... I suppose I must get moving. Kids need rides to work and I have places to go and things to do -- and I'm going to shake this lousy mood. And by the way ,it's lovely that the sun is shining in spite of the sub-zero temperatures.
Nearly Noon -- headed to the gym, stalker GC#2 should be long gone. Let's hope so.
Steps taken (so far) -- 782 (!!!) Pathetic! Get thee to the gym : )
Lunch -- (5) 3 slices Perdue smoked turkey (1) 1 slice Jarlsberg cheese (1) 1/2 c broc, 1/2 c carrots, 1/4 c snap peas, 1/8 c wtr chestnuts (0) 11 strawberries (0) 1c fat free yogurt (2) 1 t olive oil (1)
Steps taken -- 9,204 (courtesy of the gym)
Afternoon Snack (2) 6 almonds (1) sm grapefruit (1)
Dinner (11.5) 1/2 c seaweed salad (1) 6 large pieces California roll sushi (4.5) 1/2 piece salmon roll (.5) 1 chocolate covered (4) medium frozen banana (1.5) SWAG!
Well, word came down today that I did NOT get the internal position I interviewed for on December 11. There was an external candidate that had some specific experience that no one else had. HOWEVER, I received a personal call from the department chair saying that he told HR that if he had the budget he would hire both of us. High praise and I am grateful. I know I was second in line... but in this case that isn't enough and I am now back to square one.
I was originally supposed to go to happy hour, but that seems to be falling apart by the moment and that is fine by me -- I'm actually not feeling quite so happy!
Still solidly OP, I will go home read my People, engage in a small pity party and hit the job market hard. I had hoped to stay here but maybe it isn't in the cards... time to make my luck happen.
On the personal front it has been nearly 12 hours since that freak show GC#2 has touched me or tried to talk with me again. His totally insensitive and callous remarks (accompanied by twice reaching out and touching me) have me offended and a bit creeped out. I can usually avoid him at the gym over the weekends, but if he comes near me on Monday -- all bets are off.
