After almost a year away from my blog, I have returned with much shame and disgrace to announce that I have allowed my weight to push the boundaries of decency at 239 pounds. No, I won't call it 240, despite the scale hatefully displaying that particular number this morning, because for one, weight fluctuates and two, I don't wanna. So there.
If reading back over my blog teaches me one thing, it's that I need to stop letting small setbacks get me down. I championed myself over the loss of 3 pounds, cheered over my loss of another pound with a big, fat cake, then had the nerve to be surprised and hurt when I gained back three. From there, I went straight to the cheeseburger. It is no surprise that I find myself back here again, a year later, a good 10 pounds over my original starting weight here.
The Plan:
1. PIRATES! That is, small setbacks that serve only to harm me. My job is to identify these bastards as pirates and act accordingly--destroy them. Fight back. If my weight creeps up, it's my job to match it with an extra 15 minutes on the elliptical. If I eat too much or forget to work out, I need to put in the effort and work twice as hard to renew my commitment.
2. ARTILLERY! I've got weapons. One of which is a membership at a local women's gym that doesn't run out until December. Another is TIME. I've got graduate school and an assistantship position at my college that afford me more personal time than you'd think; time I can use for exercise and healthy eating strategies.
3. BATTLE PLAN. I don't have one laid out yet, but I will. Organization is sort of 'my thing.'
"Screw your courage to the sticking-place, And we'll not fail!"
I'm slipping fast here...I haven't worked out this week...and I just had a quarter-pounder cheeseburger and fries...ate it right in front of the tv.
All is not lost though. !he ubiqitous "they" always say that slipups are okay, to be expected, blah blah blah...
SO....I'm going to attempt a fresh start tomorrow morning...walk to and from school, eat healthy, hit the books, and try to get to sleep at a decent hour...maybe I'll even hit the gym if I can summon the motivation...
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing."
I'm up three pounds. Back to 229. Damnit. I'm so sick of this crap. I don't know why it went up. I haven't been eating too much or exercising any less. And my motivation is waning quickly...I'm about a pound away from raising the white flag of defeat and resigning myself to another summer of "No, I can't to go to the beach this weekend, I've just got to steam clean the carpet."
Last summer, in an attempt to make myself more comfortable at the beach, I bought this giant "swimdress." Not one of those cute ones with the little flare skirt either. Its a big 'ole sheath dress with racing stripes that falls just below my knees. The idea was to cover more of my body, thus making me feel more confident. Except it did the opposite. When I put it on, I feel worse. It almost screams, Hey I'm a big fat fatty and I know it and I want you to know it too! I actually noticed that I look better naked than I do in this swimsuit. And that is saying something for sure. Naked, a least I can moisturize really well, dim the lights, and convince myself that I'm curvy, sexy, voluptuous. I can recall art of the 15th Century and console myself that Peter Paul Rubens would have found me to be a total babe.
That swimdress though...it takes me right back here to 2008.
My university has a huge recreation center...tons of equipment for use..a complete gym membership paid for in the cost of my tuition. I've been there about three times...and its just so daunting. It's filled with pefectly toned girls and guys. (Toned because they are there at the gym, I know, but it's still scary.) I left every time feeling horribly intimidated. I looked for people like me...any girls at all over 130 lbs would have been sufficient. But they just weren't there. I imagine for the same reason I have...
I am pleased to anounce that I have gotten through my first week of this new semester scratch-free AND I lost a pound doing it!
That's right, the Extra Pounds Death Count is at 4!!! That puts me at 226. And while that numbe may not seem significant, it really is. For the past year or so I've been between 231 and 227. Then when Icould get to 227, I'd rocket back up to 230-231 and not come down again. I just couldn't break 227.
But today, I have been weighed, I have been measured, and I have come up lacking 1 pound! 226!!!! YAY!
My classes this semester are tough...Chaucer and Shakespeare at the same time-plus my laptop is messing up on a regular basis so I have to do most of my work in the library. However, these trips to the library and running across campus at night to catch the last bus (only at times to miss it anyway and have to hobble home on sore knees) have made for good exercise. And I've been eating less...so the death count should continue to rise...
I haven't written in a few days, but all is well. The night I last wrote I said I was going for a walk with my husband. Well boy, did I. We walked for 4 hours. 10 miles of walking in some of the scariest neighborhoods in the city...we started by walking to the mall..about a 45 min. walk from our apartment. Then we decided to walk to Barnes and Nobles...then to Walmart...by the time we got there it had been 2 hours and we hated to just turn and head back the way we came...so we went down a side street and landed in the ghetto.
2 hours later we were home.
We were followed for a bit by a frightening character on a childs bicycle, we both watched ahead of us as two youngish guys ducked under a bridge we were about to cross ( we chose then to walk on the median so as not to be grabbed by them from either side.)
For the most part it was fine...just alot of very terratorial looks from the denizens of the area.
Also, at one point we were running across a road and I turned my head to look at the cars and pulled a muscle in my neck. So painful. But the whole time, we were pretending to be ultra-bad guys "on the run" from the cops. So we'd duck into the shadows when we saw cops and laughed ourselves silly the whole time...we made up code names for each other and discussed our devious plans....was great fun when you ignore all the awful aches and pains from later on...
Ended up ruining my favorite pair of socks. They were worn to the nylon netting...hence the blisters....oooowwww....
Just got back from the grocery store...my kitchen is now a veritable farmers market. Veggies, fruits, lean meats....Hubby informed me yesterday that he's been thinking and he thinks he needs to be eating healthier...(i was in complete disbelief at first, but he seems to mean it...) and so he wants to go walking daily for 30 mins. in the morning and 1-2 hours at night...plus walk to school and back daily. And he wants to eat healthy. No fast food and mainly whole, organic foods. This is NOT the man I married...or maybe it is, just a very improved version of him, lol.
No fewer pounds on the scale than last time. Probably because I was coerced into a "last hurrah" before the official start of our new lifestyle, complete with a big cheeseburger AND bojangles fried chicken. (For those of you who have had anything from bojangles, you probably understand the pain of dieting in the South)
But I don't really deserve it. I was baaaad last night. Oh so very very bad. Lke...chocolate cake bad. Actually....chocolate cake with ice cream bad. I had my reasons, as we all do when we indulge in almost 1500 calories worth of shame and defeat, but as I said in the beginning, there will be no excuses this time.
Once more unto the breach dear friends. I'm not letting this take me under as I have in the past. I went walking, moderate-vigorous pace, with my husband last night for two hours. We're about to go again tonight, different direction though.
Death Toll is at 3 now.
Terror Level is Blue: Guarded.
(Due to the fact that, while I launched a full-fledged attack on the cake--threw it away--there's still the carton of ice cream and creamy pasta in the kitchen.)
So maybe I'm a little too excited about this. But one of my support groups has a Biggest Loser Weight Loss challenge set up. I'm in the blue team. And while I'm sure this is quite commonplace for most EP members, I am just really, really stoked about it!
Maybe it's because I've never really been involved in a "team" before. I tend to keep to myself. Always. So this is different.
I'm part of a larger effort to "win." And that's pretty cool. Even though I'm really really not competitive at all...I hope the red team does just as well as the blue...I think I'm really going to enjoy the weekly weigh-ins and the motivation to report good results.
I think the first weigh-in is on Sunday so I need to get my ass in gear and start dropping some pounds.
I'm ready to go. Checked the scale last night and the Death Toll is at 2 lbs. now. Not bad at all. Thats like if I had been carrying a normal sized chicken around with me, and suddenly I just decided...ya know what? I don't want to carry this chicken anymore. So I put it down.
(:
Terror Alert Level Today is Low: Green
(Due to the fact that I woke up late, haven't eaten yet, and don't really have anything tempting here anyway.)
Anyone know anything about coffee? If I drink it with splenda and creamer, will it help me, hurt me, or cause no effect at all to my war effort?
I've got five weeks of daily strategies mapped out.
Exercise for 1 hour daily. (Cardio and Strength)
Drink 80 oz. of water daily.
Eating lots of high-water-content veggies and fruits. Lean protein, whole wheats and grains.
I'm writing everything in a food journal to keep myself completely accountable. If all goes to plan, I'll be down to at least 219 by the end of these five weeks. (Extra Pounds Death Toll: 10 lbs)
Stage Two of my battle plan will be a bit more strenuous, but should yield good results. By March 22nd I'll be at or below 206 lbs and by the end of May I'll be at or below 186 lbs, bringing the total Extra Pounds Death Toll to 44 lbs.
From there I will continue into Stage Three of my plan. This stage will carry me to my end result: the final weight of 145 lbs. I'm not attempting to become a waif here. My goal is a stronger, healthier, sexier Me. At this point, the total Extra Pounds Death Toll will be 85 lbs.
