Well it's Friday here in China and I have made it through almost a whole week with out any serious food mishaps. But I haven't lost any weight . Oh well I am not going to let it get me down. I am still doing really good mentally. Tomorrow I am going to an Irish Ball and really looking forward to it. I wanted to be at my goal before the ball but that didn't happen. But I am thinking ahead of how I am going to have a good time but also keep it in moderation. I saw a rerun of Dr. Phil yesterday with these 2 women that have anorexia. My gosh they looked terrible. Why do so many women have this problem, it's seems that it's either one extreme or the other and very few healthy people in between. I hope that my daughters don't grow up to have food issues. I am trying to teach them how to eat healthy but I worry all the time that my obsession with food is going to rub off on them. I can only hope that they are never as obsessed as I am. But I see signs already. It's hard when every where you turn women are starving themselves tiny in the media. Then on top of that we have lived in Asia and South America for the last 6 years where the women on average are a size 2.
Well I am still trying to stay focused I have started to journal my food intake and have read some great articles lately that are really making me think. I am looking more at mindful eating and what that entails. I can't believe that I have gained 10 pounds back that I fought so hard to lose. I am trying not to focus on the negative. I made a promise to myself though I stayed in the 140's for 4 years and this is the 5th year since I lost my original 50 pounds. I will not see 150 and higher again on my scale. That's it I have drawn a line in the sand. 150 to me is more than a number. 150 is the weight I was in high school where I was continually told how cute I would be if I just lost 20 pounds, being just below 150 was the milestone that made me feel as if I had really accomplished something. When I see 150 on the scale I am reminded of my failure and I see myself slowing slipping back to what I once was. I like the way I feel when I am in control of my eating and I like feeling like I have done my absolute best to be the healthiest that I can be. I weigh 150 when I don't make the heathy choices, this I know because I stayed in the mid to low 140's for 4 years and it's not impossible. I think when you begin to make exceptions for your weight like well it was just that weekend that put me over I will get it back when you see it the first time, then you do it over and over before too long your used to seeing that number and then it goes up just a little bit more and that's okay to because it's just a pound before you know it 2 pounds turns to 10 and that's where I am at now. But today no more, I am doing my best to get back to below 150 and when I do that will be the last time I struggle with this. This is the last time I will see 150 on my scale.
Well I have 3 days under my belt I guess I have to start somewhere actually. I am so excited my husband comes home tomorrow, he has been gone for 10 days in my head I saw myself losing 5 pounds while he was gone. Well that didn't happen unless I wake up tomorrow 3 pounds lighter.......... I guess 2 pounds is better than no pounds actually I think tomorrow I will lose at least a .5 pound and that would put me at 3 pounds in 10 days which is a healthy pace to lose. I have been to the gym 2 times this week and worked out once at home not bad I am 3 for 4 days. The best thing I have done this week so far is to change my eating. My kids made chocolate chip cookies and I didn't eat a whole one and they were really small, I started to give in last night and eat one and I took one bite and threw the rest of the cookie away. That was hard, but I am feeling more and more that I have my will power back. What I need to do to keep this up when I get back to work next week. It seems like I am so hungry when I am at work and I eat way more? I am at home and I am busy and have food everywhere and don't eat near as much and I make way better choices. I even keep healthy snacks at work and that doesn't help. I don't know but I am just going to take this one day at a time and see where I go from here. I am setting mini 5 pound goals so...........I am half way to my first goal and should meet it by next week. I can't wait!
I just don't understand how I can go from being totally in control of every thing I put in my mouth spitting out food after I taste it just to avoid the calories to eating like a pig. I have gained 10 pounds in the last year and I am really unhappy about it. Today I think I figured out one of the problems, I socialize way more now than I used to so I am often put in situations where I eat and drink way too much. I enjoy socializing but I really need to find a way to do socialize but lose the weight that I have gained and maintain that like I used to. So I am going to cut back on socializing for just a little bit in order to gain some control.
Well after a very long summer break, my children are back in school. I am finding myself wondering what to do with myself now? I did go to the gym this morning, had a great workout. But now what? I still haven't made any "friends" here. Not really wanting to so much, but this house is feeling very quiet and lonely today. I did apply for some jobs and hope to hear about those soon. But ...................I guess I will figure something out. I am up a couple pounds but feel ok about that. I am back on track with exercise and trying to get there with the eating. I think it will be easier with out the kids here on that issue. I am finding it myself feeling more and more like my old self over the last week. I did indulge over the weekend but I didn't go crazy like I have (ie: two fried apple pies from Mc Donald's..... do they still sell those in the States?). I am starting to look foward to the "Ball" well not look forward but using that as my goal to lose weight. I would like to wear a size 6 by then? Who know's anything is possible!!! Well I am off to organize and play in my new craft room.
Well after feeling pretty crappy for the last several days I got online and did some looking on my symptoms and I think I have a parasite. I know I probably sound like such a hypochondriac on here. But.....I do live in China and your can't drink the water here. It turns out this parasite is very common and relatively harmless. My husband is checking with the nurse today on what I should do, some things I read said let it pass others said take medicine. I got up and weighed today and posted my weight, I am up a pound from last week. But I don't really feel that bad cause I thought it was Monday that I weighed and it was Thursday. At one point this weekend I was up another pound so I don't feel so bad. Decided to settle on the Core Plan for now. I am going to plan ahead so that I know what to eat and don't make bad choices. The only thing is that I haven't really felt like eating. How does it happen that I have been sick the last couple days and still up a pound? And I have been walking at least 3-4 miles a day over the weekend. My husband and I had a long walk yesterday, we went to look at Chinese antique stores. Had a good time together, I am so lucky he really likes to shop! We are both excited about buying some antique furniture, but here you have to be careful sometimes the quality isn't what it looks like at first and they never really are antiques.
Well I just sat here and type this long blog about our day yesterday and lost it. This internet service here is terrible! Maybe if I write that too many times they will fix it! Overall yesterday we had a good day, we got to get and see some of the city. Mostly what we have seen before but at least we got to get out. We still haven't seen any of the major sites that are so close by. The pollution yesterday was terrible. I took a picture of it to send to my family. It was like as the day went on the cloud of pollution got lower and lower to the street. It looked like fog. I didn't do so bad with my eating it could always be better but overall it was really good. Considering we ate out and we were out and about all day. I think that I am still not a 100% from that virus, most food still does not sound appealing to me. I learned some new things about China yesterday and how there people just lurking and waiting on the streets to take adavantage of you and how easy it would be for that to happen. I have read of it happening to other people but didn't realize how easy it could happen. I honestly thought those people were dumb. But these people are very convincing. I am so looking foward to this week we are FINALLY moving into our house after being in a temporary house for 6 weeks. It will be so nice to finally start to feel settled and put those suitcases away after almost 3 months! I think this is going to be a great week for us we are getting our car and moving into our house. Things are really looking up!
Yesterday I woke up feeling sick again I didn't eat anything until around 2pm. I drank alot of water and rested. I felt alot better than the day before. Today I feel way better I might go to the gym this morning. I don't know. I really want ot get out and see some of the sights we haven't seen anything yet. Maybe I can't talk my hubby into going in to the City. Yesterday I spent alot of time looking at the Weight Watchers Core Plan again. I keep going back and forth between chosing a plan and sticking with it and just trying to eat healthy and exercise. In the mean while I keep staying at the same weight that I gained over the last two months with the move. I need to just make a decision and live with it . It's as if because I am in limbo I can eat what ever I want and I keep telling myself that once I start what ever I am going to do I will be better then. I did the Core plan last year online with little success. But in defense of the Core plan I never gave it an honest shot and paid for it for 6 months. It's takes alot more imagination to eat on a plan in a foreign country. In Uruguay I think it was much easier than it will be here. For convience type foods. They have alot of diet food, people there are very body concious. Here there are not calories marked on anything. Most restaraunts don't even sell diet coke. I haven't seen very many things lite. Whole wheat pasta is so expensive. But at least they have it? But I did find Couscous here, it was $10 a box in Uruguy and here it's less than $2. I guess it's a trade off. Whole wheat pasta was cheap there. I ordered a yogurt making machine I am going to try and make my own yogurt. They have yogurt here but it's kinda pricey and it they only have whole fat with sugar. I can't wait for that thing to get here. So yesterday I did really good till about 9 p.m. I had 3 oatmeal cookies with milk. I should have just went to bed when I thought I wanted them and then that would have been that. I have got to get my will power back. I really used to have it at one time.
Well I keep saying that I am starting over and feel like such a loser cause I can't stick with it. The day after my last post I came down with strep throat for the first time ever in my life. I have never had a whole lot of sympathy for people who had it before but now I REALLY do. It seems like everytime I start to exercise here I get sick. Maybe the gym is full of viruses here? Probably not, but I like to try and excuse away my bad behavior. This week it was a stomach virus that went through our whole house, everyone got it except for my youngest. Hopefully she won't catch it. I thankfully didn't have it as bad as my children but, it was bad enough to put a kink in my new exercise routine.
On the plus side I haven't had much to eat over the last two days. But after getting on the scale this morning I actually gained weight. How does that happen? Mayse my weight on Monday wasn't real? I don't know but I think that now matter what I am going to make myself weigh again everyday. It will make me depressed at first, but I think in the end I will eat alot better than I have. I know everytime we move I gain weight, but this time I would like to avoid that. I would really like to just lose the weight that I put on over the last year for right now. I don't know what it is but this last 6 months or so I have lost my drive to lose weight and be serious about it. I keep sabatoging myself everytime I lose just a couple of pounds. Before I really wanted to prove to everyone and myself that I could lose weight. Now I am wondering if now that I know it's possible ,I have subconsciously just given up? I hope not. I am thinking of order a new book. It's about conscious eating. I don't know I have one already that's similar maybe I won't.
Well I am finally back online after over a month of not having steady access. I don't know what my weight is today but it can't be as bad as it was two weeks ago. I haven't weighed in over a month. We are still getting settled here in China and I am trying to find food that I want to eat, which hasn't been that easy. They have only given us one pot and one pan to cook with so I am also having a hard time figuring out how to cook what I do want to eat. So we have been eating out alot. I am making way better choices than I was on vacation for sure now. I think I have gone down a couple of pounds since arriving. I am going to start back on Monday I decided and do a gym routine and also do a better diet for myself. I think it will be good to start on Monday for my exercise log and everything. I have only gotten to the gym here once in the week and half that I have been here but I am getting a lot of exercise walking everywhere. The grocery store isseveral blocks from my house and I walk there or further every day. Plus there is the clubhouse that is 3 or 4 blocks away I tend to make it there a couple times a day too. So I am not totally inactive. I am worried about what I am going to eat though I am haven't eaten eggs yet I am worried about the whole bird flu they say it is safe if you cook them really well but gosh once you start thinking about it they don't sound so good anymore. Having that problem with fruits and vegetables to. You have to let them soak in bleach water and peel them if they are to be peeled once I do all that I lose interest. Oh I am sure after a few months I won't even think about it anymore. Not sure what we are going to do today we are supposed to go to a softball game and to dinner after. Should be fun, but I really want to get out and see somethings I am getting a little stir crazy here.
. Oh well I am not going to let it get me down. I am still doing really good mentally. Tomorrow I am going to an Irish Ball and really looking forward to it. I wanted to be at my goal before the ball but that didn't happen. But I am thinking ahead of how I am going to have a good time but also keep it in moderation. I saw a rerun of Dr. Phil yesterday with these 2 women that have anorexia. My gosh they looked terrible. Why do so many women have this problem, it's seems that it's either one extreme or the other and very few healthy people in between. I hope that my daughters don't grow up to have food issues. I am trying to teach them how to eat healthy but I worry all the time that my obsession with food is going to rub off on them. I can only hope that they are never as obsessed as I am. But I see signs already. It's hard when every where you turn women are starving themselves tiny in the media. Then on top of that we have lived in Asia and South America for the last 6 years where the women on average are a size 2. 
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I guess 2 pounds is better than no pounds actually I think tomorrow I will lose at least a .5 pound and that would put me at 3 pounds in 10 days which is a healthy pace to lose. I have been to the gym 2 times this week and worked out once at home not bad I am 3 for 4 days. The best thing I have done this week so far is to change my eating. My kids made chocolate chip cookies and I didn't eat a whole one and they were really small, I started to give in last night and eat one and I took one bite and threw the rest of the cookie away. That was hard, but I am feeling more and more that I have my will power back. What I need to do to keep this up when I get back to work next week. It seems like I am so hungry when I am at work and I eat way more? I am at home and I am busy and have food everywhere and don't eat near as much and I make way better choices. I even keep healthy snacks at work and that doesn't help. I don't know but I am just going to take this one day at a time and see where I go from here. I am setting mini 5 pound goals so...........I am half way to my first goal and should meet it by next week. I can't wait!