Frustrating.

Plateau. Two month long plateau.

Bought a size 12 dress and a bunch of  "large" shirts.

Weight and measurements have not moved.

*Hangs head* oy.

And we're back.

Fell off the wagon for a few days there. Am back though, and back under 200 again. Or was for a millisecond before scale got attacked by the devil and raised my weight half a pound. *explitive* that, I'm keeping my 199.5 Went back on sparkpeople because doctor said my cholesterol is up (which could have just happened recently due to fact that work at a darn theme park and therefor I have a blood/fried food level of .5)

Everyone at work is on a diet. I guess it works for the singing group, our costumes are stereotyped by body type. Bass: Bowlers (TAAALLLL big guys... we named them Biff and Cliff. "I hate maneur!"), Baritones: Nerds (the thinnest, tallest, lankiest people you will ever meet.) Tenors: Football player/letterman sweater types (same as bowlers only much shorter), and the girls are... girls. I guess that's a body type, we have the boobage.

But since everyone's on a diet in the group, it's kinda less pressure to eat awful stuff. But not really.

I QUIT FRIES!... that's the news of the day, as it were. Went to a diner with a friend and magically had the will power to not blow it off and eat fries... I had an open faced turkey sandwich, mashed potatoes, and matzoh ball soup (which is not listed on sparkpeople :-( ) and she had some sort of sandwich and a humongous plate of fries. And I did not eat any.... until she put a fry on my plate. So I ate one fry, very slowly, and it was absolutely delectable. But have quit fries, for all intents and purposes. And with fries kinda went fast food, because what's fast food without the fries?

Saw a quote in someone else's blog and looked it up... it's from a Nike ad, ironically, but it's really like... prevalent to my life right now.

"All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you're not good enough of strong enough or talented enough; they will say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wron type to play this or be this or achieve this. They will tell you No, a thousand times no, until the no's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly. And you will tell them yes."

I'll pretend that's about actors. And me specifically.

Confusing.

Sizes mean absolutely nothing. Absolutely. Nothing.

Went to the mall yesterday looking for cowboy boots (which was an adventure in itself- only one store had them. You'd think how big they were  last season they'd be clearance all over the place.) and decided to hop into some stores just for the fun of it. Or for the halibut, as dad would put it. So I find a dress at Torrid I'm absolutely in love with (but have no reason to buy as never go out anywhere to where a strapless cherry covered dress), and the 12 fit perfectly- went on without having to unzip anything, and could sit with no problem whatsoever (the ol' rolls and bagels trick I was brought up on- if you sit and you have rolls, it's a no go.) So Torrid thinks I'm a 12, Large. Which would be all well and good. If I was a 16 almost everywhere else. Or that's even a lie- Old Navy won't decide what size I am. After my Torrid escapade, I went to Old Navy and tried on a size 12 skirt. It was a little snug, but it closed and looked semi decent. Then I tried on a pair of size 14 pants- and they would barely close. I had to suck in, give myself a muffin top waist line, and stand completely straight for them to fit. So I'm a 16 in pants but a 12 in skirts, a Large in shirts until you wash them, in which case I am an XL... All the while I'm trapsing around in my only jeans, size 18, which right out of the drier are only the teensiest bit big.

Someone explain this to me.

Gonna measure and way self out of exasperation.

Hand me... ups?

Had a nice moment with Mom. She's confused as to why she's losing weight- she's not on a diet or anything, just eating like a semi normal human being ish. I made her try on my old pants, size 18, and she danced around a bit. It was cute. So now she's gonna get all my old pants and I'm gonna get to buy all new 14s hehe. Excitingness.

And it was not a dream.

Nope, wasn't a dream. Have officially beaten the 200 mark, and now with a gold star. 198 pounds in the morning before eating, completely naked, etc. That is the only way to weight yourself- otherwise you'll blame an extra three pounds on shoes and thick jeans.

Was reading a magezine and saw a bunch of chicks who were in like the 160 range and size 14s... Do I have that much muscle mass that at thirty pounds heavier than them I am their size? Strange.

Starving. Breakfast time. Ironic that just weighed self and am now famished. Peckish. Eccuriant (sp?). To quote Monty Python- "Yow, I'm 'ungy like!"... oh cheese shop. Ok, have proclaimed dorkdom yet again.

Am completely addicted to "Wedding Singer" musical soundtrack. Have owned it for two days and have much of it memorized.

HALLELUJAH!!!

Nothing I write will be as good as my brother wants this blog entry to be. But!!!

*trumpets blast*

*angels sing*

I AM THE CHAMPIOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!!

I am 199.5 pounds. First the scale said 198.5 and I like cried and brought my brother in, then it said 326 and we almost woke up the house, then it said 199.5. I'll take 199.5, better than 326.

You have no idea how happy I am. I haven't seen the 100s since... middle school?

Most definately doing the defying.

It was like a movie moment, kinda.

I was in Old Navy trying on stuff and Mom came to the fitting room with a few pairs of pants. So I looked at the first pair and it was a 16, so I put it on, didn't like them, and quickly put on the second pair. I was about to cry- 16s were too on the verge of being too tight to buy. That would've ruined my day. I decided to buy them anyway, they made my butt look fabulous, and as I was modelling around, I noticed the tag was yelling 14!!! Hellz yeaaaa!

Needless to say, I bought two pairs of size 14 pants. Which is weird, because I was wearing (my favorite pair of) 18s... Meh, whatever.

Fantasmagoricalness.

Defying Gravity... or it's defying me.

Feel generally heavy today... strangely, just got off period, you'd think I'd feel thinner than I have in weeks. But no, woke up at about 4:30, got bored, measured myself, and now just have a general feeling of fatness. Not measurement wise, just... My aura is heavy? Haha, I don't know how to describe how I feel at the moment. Dense. That kinda makes sense. My body feels really dense and bloated. Resisting urge to step on scale for a whole week. Don't want to kill thought of beating 200 mark.

But what if I've beat it?

So much for that resolution. Over to the scale I go.

Should have kept resolution. 201.5. Not going to log it, only going to log weight weekly, fluctuates too much during the week, etc etc. Strange how can gain a pound in a day- does not make sense. I did not eat 3500 more calories than usual. Maybe it's true, maybe gravity is just really lazy in the morning and is yanking me down.

Always dreamed of living on the moon so my weight would be less. Is that depressing that in elementary school when they explained gravity and showed us those badly drawn cartoons of people on scales in space, I imagined weighing myself on the moon and being content?

So close to beating the 200 mark...

200.5 200.5. What. The. Heck.

So friggin' close to the 200 mark. Stepped on the scale this morning and it misread my weight as 172. I kinda stared at it for a while, looking at my stomach, thinking "How much damn muscle have I lost to lose 30 pounds in a week and still be a size 16?" So I stepped off, stepped back on, and thought I'd take the 2 pound loss it gave me. BUT I'M SO CLOSE TO BEATING THE 200 MARK!. It's like a boss at the end of a level of a bad fantasy RPG. He's down to five hit points, my MP has to build up in order to hit him with the last blast that would pulverize his arse....  ok, talking like a geek. A british geek, nonetheless (fancy spelling of "arse" to blame for that).

Had rather depressing night. Started out fun. Didn't end that way. Won't get into it online. Etc etc.

Ow.

Very glad partner didn't show up for work today. Don't think could have handled a day of statuing. Can barely handle being awake at the moment. Am in a lot of pain... Hips, legs, back all kaputt. But got today off, and always had tomorrow scheduled as off.

Exercise game is fun and painful, but the camera's being screwy on it. Can't even play one of the games because am too big on the screen (not weight wise, am just not far away enough, etc etc). Don't have the energy to do it today anyway. And family keeps making fun of me whenever I play it. Not appreciative of that. But what can you do.

Come to Six Flags next week between Tuesday and Friday and hear me SINNNGGGG.