Well today I took my last Adipex and my total weight loss so far is

30 lbs 2 oz!!!

So I did reach my first short term goal... go me!

Now for my next goal, to maintain the weight! I believe I can do it!

Yes, I'm still here, still taking my Adipex, not even sure for how much longer. I've stopped keeping such a close eye on it, stopped being so obsessive about it.

Since I've gotten back down around where I was before all the medication made me gain so much weight since last August, I've realized that being this weight doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Oh sure, I'd love to loose more, I mean, who wouldn't like to look like they did in high school. If you would see pics of me in high school... I was disgustingly thin, almost too thin! And I ate junk all the time in high school! I uploaded one of my Senior pictures if anyone would like to be completely disgusted! LOL

But I know I will never look like that again! I mean, I was like a size 3/5! I've had 2 kids and a hysterectomy since then! I've earned this body. It's a Mommy body. Who cares about the stretch marks and the fact that I will never be a firm as I was way back when? I have 2 beautiful human beings in the place of that body that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world!

With that said, I feel like I've already reached a goal of sorts. I'm happy with who I am and how I look. I got to where I was when the meds made me gain all the weight. So my new plan is to finish off my Adipex and then to maintain the weight I am at then. I don't feel I have to reach 130 anymore. Maybe eventually, but in time... it's not an obsession anymore.

And to me, that is success!

I noticed a small thing today that just made my day.

As I was attempting to shower, I was interrupted several times, as usual, by my children. Today's emergency was that my daughter could not find one of her DVD's (the horror!). And of course she had to come check every 30 seconds to see if I was done yet! So of course when I stepped out of the shower, there she was. This was an EMERGENCY and definitely couldn't wait until I got dressed, so I wrapped the towel around myself and found her DVD for her (which by the way, was EXACTLY where I told her it was).

On the way back to my room I noticed something... OMG, my towel! It wraps completely around me again!!! WOOHOO!

 Usually in the morning I get dressed in my bathroom so I just dry off, wrap the towel around my head so I've hadn't paid much attention in a while but I know for a while it didn't wrap all the way around if I'd have to go in another room for something. I am just so excited now. This just made my day!

And as if that wasn't enough, my new cell phone is being delivered by FedEx today... a new toy! I'm like a kid in a candy store I tell ya!

With 3 more days left before I actually start my last months pills of Adipex, I have weighed in the 160's for the past 2 days! 169.6, but being somewhere in the 160's by the end of the 3rd month of Adipex was my 1st goal, so technically I'm already at it

I already like what I see in the mirror so much more. I know I'll never be what I was before children, and that's ok. I earned those extra curves and wouldn't give them up for the world.

I spoke to my Dr yesterday, and we decided that  I will finish off the 3rd month of Adipex and give him a call with my total weight loss (being a nurse has it's advantages, especially when you used to work for your Internist, who is now one of your good friends). We are definitely doing a 3 month break of Adipex. I expressed to him that because I have changed my eating habits as well as my lifestyle, I would like to try to do the rest on my own, without the help of the Adipex. If I am still loosing weight, I'm not going to get back on the Adipex. He said he thinks I can do it because when I was off of the Adipex for the 10 days and was on the steriods for those days I continued to loose weight.

So one more month and then comes the big test!

This morning I finally hit the 20 lbs mark!

And just when I have a date tonight to go eat out LOL.

I know I've been fluctuating, I'm ok with it now, because I've finally got it in my head that it is normal for your body weight to fluctuate every day, and at least when the scale goes back up, it's only for a day or two and then it starts going back down.

So, maybe I should say today is my first day of hitting that 20 lb of weight loss mark! It's just huge for me because I'm now really close to where I was before I started all the meds in August, which looks good for me reaching my first short term goal of being in the lower 160 range at the end of the my 3rd month of Adipex, which I haven't even started yet because of taking the break for the 10 days.

Plus, I am just on cloud 9 with this surprise relationship that has come out of no where. He is the sweetest guy, and I feel like I have known him forever. If nothing else comes of this relationship, it will teach me that I am worth being noticed, treated well, and loved again

I added my picture from tonight to my photos. There is a huge difference! Go take a look!

So I am restarting my Adipex after my 10 day break from it from being sick & taking other medication. And I am very proud to say that while on this break from the meds I still managed to

loose 2.4 lbs! I'm nearly to the 20 lb mark now! Only 4 more oz to go!

Tomorrow will be picture day for month 2 of the diet. Gotta dig out those Betty Boop pj's and take my pic. Anxious to see the change again!

I did a little experiment this week since I am off the Adipex until Saturday, although I may hold off until Monday or Tuesday to start it back because I am having to take Prednisone right now for 6 days for some inflammation in my back. (i'll put a call in to my dr today and see what he thinks)

I've been eating my usual "diet stuff" for breakfast and supper, but for lunch a lot of times drug reps bring us food. So this week I have decided to eat what they bring using portion control. My plate has MUCH less than everyone else's lol and I don't go back for seconds. And I am full and satisfied. I'm maintaining about the same weight too, I'm down to 173.8 this morning.

Maybe I've really been trying to hard. Maybe I just need to loosen up without over doing it? Only time will tell I guess.

OK, so I don't think it was the field trip, but the sun, but still!

I went on a field trip with my son yesterday. We went to Global Wildlife Foundation. Basically you take a train ride through and feed the animals out of these cups. They come right up to the train and eat out of the cups. The giraffes & llamas will eat right out of your hand (which I did) and one of the camels was raised there from birth so you could even pet it (which I also did, I'm a big kid!)

But it was HOT! And I brought plenty of water for my son and I. On the way back home thankfully we were riding home with someone because it was a 2 hour drive and I was falling asleep. She stopped at Taco Bell and I got a small Diet Pepsi, the first one I have had in 2 months. Yuck.. I'm so not used to that taste, but it woke me up. Don't plan on drinking another one for quite a while.

When I got home I tried drinking more water but I was just HUNGRY! So I ate a little more than usual. Nothing really horrible, just a little more. darn scale went back up this morning about .8 oz.

MUST STEP AWAY FROM SCALE!!!

I didn't realize until a few years ago that I am an emotional eater. When I get upset or frustrated with life, I want to eat junk.

I've been fairly moody (ok, a total bitch, but still) the past few days. I don't know if it was the UTI coming on or that I was just edgy from other things going on in my life. But several times I have wanted to just EAT.

I have done well and am proud of myself. Yesterday at Wal-Mart I looked long and hard at the Ben & Jerry's but didn't get anything, bought myself a Lean Cuisine Spinich & Mushroom Pizza instead YUM! The kids have some snack stuff here and I haven't touched that either.

This is a HUGE step for me. It takes a lot of willpower for me not to just eat when I'm feeling down. The last few days I've just felt lonely. I'm just longing for adult companionship. I miss having someone around when the kids are in bed to snuggle up with and talk to about my day. It's not so much missing my soon to be ex husband, just missing that having someone there. Plus, I think I'm just in a grieving stage again as far as the divorce goes. Again, not really for him, but for the fact that I am 31 and this is my 2nd marriage that has failed. I went in having hopes that got smashed right before my eyes.

Dealing with all these emotions healthily is something that is completely new to me. I've come a long way in the last year. At this time last year I was at a point where I was begging him to come back and would have done anything just to get him back. My depression was so out of control I had trouble functioning with daily life, which only got worse until it all came crashing down in early August. Now since putting myself in counseling and seeing a Psychiatrist, you wouldn't recognize me if you saw the person I was then and the person I am today. I deal with things much differently. Journaling has been a big help.

Some medications helped to stabilize me long enough to be able to get my thought process back to where it belonged and work on myself. However, some of these meds are what caused me to gain so much weight. So I was unhappy with my weight. I tried dieting for a short time and got so frustrated that I started the emotional eating again.

In the past 2 months with changing my dieting habits I've also changed that emotional eating. I have more willpower now to say no and use a more creative outlet, like journaling.

Just one more thing that shows how far I've come