Its coming off!

God has been healing me of my disordered eating (not eating disorder there is a difference!) and I am starting to see some shrinking. I havent weighed myself in over a month and i dont plan on doing so for at least another 2 weeks. But i know I have lost some weight because my clothing is loser especially one shirt in particular that was really tight on my chest and arms. (not anymore!)I have begun to limit how much ice cream i eat and have tried to just eat ice cream without the usual peanut butter, milk, and hardshell chocolate. Also another big one: switching to whole wheat, if its not whole wheat i  try to skip on the product (this is in reference to bread) also at work I started packing healthiful snacks so i do not eat the crap from the vending machine. God has really helped my self-esteem and I have also started exercising more routine again. Today I plan on getting out for a walk even though i am not feeling the best.

God Bless -emily

I burned my diary!

  Yea! I weighed myself  on Wednesday of this week (27th) I weigh 158 pounds without clothes and shoes ( which I normally weigh myself with) -but still! this is better than 165 which I was about a month ago.

  Ok I did not really burn my food journal but I decided to throw it out because  I figured I just need to eat healthy all the time and not have that journal as a constant reminder of my overconsumption of calorie. Instead my current food goals are to eat more fruits and vegetables and limit night sugar eating and of course continue exercising regularly.

     I know that losing weight without dieting takes time but I am not  just trying to watch how much food I eat to weigh less but also to be a healthier person and have a more toned body.

     Hopefully next time I post I will have lost some more weight or inches! I saw this quote somewhere and I love it "NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS THIN FEELS" .

   Cheers to us for becoming healthier people!

blueberries are heavenly....emotional day(s)

      I had no idea what to name this post hence the random title. I havent written a blog in a while so this is just an update of what is going on with my health goals and my life. My father and I have been fighting about petty stuff and I really nead to forgive him. The other day i was supposed to go to the mall and he told me "What? Is this some kind of fluke?" (whatever that means) and basically he was not going to let me go but then when he found out my brother was going to the same city my dad then let me -provided I car pool with him. I really have a problem with him thinking that my shopping is pointless and basically treating me like I need to babysat and have time restrictions upon what time I come home when my brother has none. Next month I am turning 18 so I pray that this restriction crap changes because I am responsible enough not to do anything stupid (illustrated by my past -typical "good girl") and I am sick of not being trusted.

    On the bright side, if I take summer school I will hopefully be able to transfer to a university (and MOVE OUT) and MOVE OUT in exactly 2 years.

   The reason why I am writing about this stuff is because often this is what makes me tick and eat emotionally---its like if I can t have power over leaving the front door --then I will eat whatever the heck I want. I know this is only hurting myself and therefore I should not do it so I am trying to go to the gym when I get frustrated but sometimes they wont even let me do that,

    So my new work outs lately have been in the garage (anything is better than nothing. Right?) involving kickboxing, jumproping, and jumping jacks plus I have been using those workouts in magazines.

   I have been doing good with exercising, since February 3 i have been exercising 6 days a week (goal is 30 minutes-but sometimes it is less-sometimes it is more. I have lost weight!!!!!!!!!!!  Although I have not recorded it on my tracker because I was over 159 and now I am around 159. So now that exercise has become sort of a daily drug I take, I need to reign in my eating habits. MODERATION  This has been difficult but the past few days not counting yesterday (my sister's birthday party=tons of ice cream probably 3-4 cups of ice cream not counting milk, carmel, m&ms, butterfinger, and cookie dough that i added to vanilla icream--yummy I know but TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Thankfully tonight I will be working [and away from my father's control ] and when I get home I plan on going to bed and not eating a bunch of crap.  The bright side about today is that "Joy commeth in the morning" I really wish I knew what song I heard this from but it goes something like

I know that I can make it/ I know that I can stand/No matter what may come my way/Jesus, my life is in your hands

And that I believe this fighting shall pass--I think he is having trouble realizing how different I am than him and also how NOT close we are -which was different than when I was younger. Also I know I have not been the nicest lately but I really am sick of not having solace at home. As I write this I am beginning to wonder why I am posting my life problems on the internet and how selfish and immature I sound -but this is a healthier option than emotionally eating--as I eat some ice cream (lol).

   Ok I am done venting for today God is good and I am blessed! My life could me so much worse and i am trying to make myself feel better by creating a healthier lifestyle which will make me feel better emotionally and help my self-esteem.

Lost some!

     So I am beginning to weigh myself again after a month or two of denial and I weighed myself last week and I was 165 pounds and this week I was either 164 or 163 so I was glad about that. My problem currently is that I am just eating too much!!!! For example this morning I woke up and had tons of junk including ice cream and sugary cereal (around 1900 cals!!!!) and then i decided I was not going to eat the rest of the day so I went to work and had some frozen grapes which were so yummy! but when I came home I had a large dinner and a bunch of snacks (including 2 Nugo Bars=390 cals!) which equaled around 1739 cals! to total the day with 3636 cals!!!!!!!!!!!

     I need to limit my calorie intake I am almost tempted to quit exercising and just start starving myself. This is frustrating to me because not a day goes by that I do not look at myself in utter disgust usually 2 or 3 times a day I think about my weight.

   Ok, here is the good news, I worked out  5 days last week! And today! (I count Sunday as the first day of next week).

    Tomorrow I am going to start the day off good by eating a healthy breakfast and working out but I need the Lord's strength to do this. I have realized that I cannot do this on my own and it is so much easier to trust in God because he created me and he called me fearfully and wonderfully made -all of his creation is fearfully and wonderfully made. God bless everyone! Wishing myself and everyone else an awesome week!

happy...happier

  So this week I started excercising again like--intense cardio. I forgot how awesome it feels to work out--the endorphin rush is awesome!! I need to reign in my eating habits. Here is some of the food I had today after I came home from work at 9 pm (I shouldnt eat anything after 9:30 let alone a ton of calories! argh!!!).

    Food binge: ceasar salad (first problem should have sat down and eaten food not nibbled!!!) with chicken, 1/2 c brown rice, slice of ham, 1 1/2 nugo bars, 3 store-bought chocolate chip cookies, 2/3-1 cup milk and top ramen. PLUS: 2 reeses cups at work! 

   So yeah I was not happy about that because yesterday I did so good so what happened today!!?? Tomorrow I am happy because their is a possibility that I may have an interview at a gym --in the daycare (Good news for someone who wants to work out more! lol)

   I havent really written about this much but I want to say that God is awesome I am so glad that he is in my life---someone who I can always count  on. If you want to know about this wonderful God, check out the Bible I just started reading a teen version and i really enjoy it! or ask me if you have any questions. Seek after the Lord and He will guide your paths....

   Ok so I hope everyone is achieving their fitness goals but dont forget enjoy the journey--cherish every moment in your life

down....

      Yeah I havent been on here for awhile because I have been busy and also not doing too well. you know--eating too much and not exercising enough. I weighed myself on saturday dun dun dun...165!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah not happy about that!!!!!!!!!!! argh!  I was a little shocked but i did not weigh myself just when I got up without food and water in me so hopefully part of that weight was just fluctuating. Discouraged to say the least.

        Other things in my life are not going the best and I am praying that God will help me pull through. Its sometimes hard to stop binging like I have been doing the last few nights and eating too much sugar!!! This weightloss burden is really weighing me down (no pun intended:)), everyday I have been writing my goals down in a journal/food log and I feel like just throwing it out the window or burning it up and not counting my calories because I still keep eating a lot (like within the 2500 range!!!!!!!!!! ouch). Is it better to not keep track and try to feel less guilty or keep track and fail?? I really need some encouragement and motivation right now.  good night everyone, thanks for reading...sorry this post is so negative.

Why I am Happy!

     So instead of thinking about all the negative stuff going on in my life right now and my so far slow weightloss I am going to list 10 reasons why today is a good day! Hope you enjoy.

1. God is awesome

2. There is more to my life than a number on the scale

3. I am going to lose this weight

4. The sun is shining (its been raining for days).

5. I do not have to work today

6. I do not have any homework for tomorrow

7. Its still early enough in the day to turn it around.

8. This is only a season in my life--it is not forever.

9. I am blessed (things could be so much WORSE--I could be starving or homeless)

10. I am healthy

I am frustrated!

        So its been 2 days (i think) since I wrote my last post and I am very discouraged. After I made a promise to myself to not eat any more food (read my last blog) I ate Ice cream!! (like 2 bowls of it)..I did manage to get a 30 min walk in yesterday morning but I ate too much food yesterday (rice krispies late at night and lots of carbs). So far today I have eaten chicken pot pie (around 2 slices), cocoa (130 cals milk 90), plain milk, 1 sandies cookie (75 cals), 2/3 banana (65), few wheat thins and I am tired and I dont want to work out. I work until 7 tonight so my goal is just to get to bed on time and not eat too much food at night when I get home. I am really down right now but I know I shouldnt be, I have a new job, I have my health, I have friends and family who love me, I have a sound mine--God is just awesome!

     My friend is thin and she always says she is fat and needs to lose weight (5'4 115 pounds--go figure) this does not really help me because then I feel worse about myself when I am around her because if she is "fat" then I must be obese.

     I am thinking about joining WW again, I joined for about a month in November '07 but I want to lose weight with out it because I dont want to go there the rest of my life. Also my (retail) job, is kinda tiring and boring..so i am going to look for another job.

    Today I am not going to set myself up for failure but I think I will go the gym after work, even if its for 32 mins...hopefully the next time I post I will have some good news to report...best wishes to everyone

I havent been....

I haven't been on here for 2 days mainly because I have been busy (which is good). Yesterday my neighbor went to the hospital (er) and my mom and I picked her up. Thank God she is doing ok. That took a chunk of time from my day and also some  of my sleep time but anyways I went to work with my mom and worked on homework and my ear (ear infection maybe?) started to hurt really bad so I decided to skip running the 2 miles from my mom's work to my friend's house and drove instead. My ear is doing better but It was really bothering me. And then I was at my friend's house the rest of the day and spent the night there. this morning I was tired when I got up and went to work. I was planning on going for a nice lovely run when I got home at 5 today but (you guessed it) I was tired.

Bad bad me. IToday  ate a bunch of snacks while I baked chicken pot pie because I was hungry and it took and 11/2 hours to bake. Partly I was so hungry because I only ate grapes at work. And the worst part!??!? I ate ice cream!!! today and at my friend's house and lemon bars!!! Ok glad I got that off  my chest. These past few days I kinda fell off the wagon but I did manage to get a 30 min walk in this morning before work. 

Also I am trying not to say negative things to myself because that wil not keep me motivated. On the bright side I am not going to eat any more food tonight and if God grants me another day -I will make better health and food decisions tomorrow. I am taking this weightloss journey one day at a time, not a diet but a lifestyle change (as my mother puts it nicely).

Ok goals for tomorrow exercise: 40 minutes (am run before church.?), 5 servings of fruits and veggies, 2000 calories max,. no late night binging...

I know this was a weird blog but I am in a weird mood right now....Looking forward to another awesome (2nd) week at college.......I hope everyone has a blessed and wonderful day tomorrow (depending on which time zone you are in-it could already be tomorrow...oh nvm I am not making any sense)....good night and sweet dreams.

I love college!

day 6 

you know whats weird is that I was looking out my comments and it says I only have 2 from other people so I dont know what happened to theother comments. Sorry to my blog friends who wrote them, I didnt delete them.

So to finish off yesterday's food blog. I ate another nugo bar (bad bad!). I cup frozen blueberries, a healthy sandwich (wheat bread with some veggies and turkey) 3 servings of wheat thins (ouch!) =1089 cals (my goal for the rest of the day was 670 to equal 1500 for the whole day)

total cals for day= 1980 cals (approx)

Cals burned from workout= 508 cals

= 1400 cals

Workout: ~ 40 mins treadmill (run/walk) =388 cals, 200 JJ's, 50 squats (with 2 lb barbell), 50 glute squeezes = ?120? cals (not sure) , rowed 1000 m 5 minutes = 50 cals

Ok goals for tomorrow: wait until after workout to decide if I want to eat that sugary, chocolaty, unhealthy nugo bar!! and exercise and eat 1800 cals or less.

oh ps college is so awesome! If I knew it was this great, I would have started so much sooner. Anyways I am off to do my math homework...