this is me going crazy
well i havent been on here since early jan and as you can probably guess, i gained weight! :( i think i have gained all my weight back except for 5 pounds. but the good news is i rejoined my gym today after canceling my membership 4 months ago. and its even cheaper than what i was paying! $2 less:) (probably because of the economy) and no rejoin fee!! anyways i miss the gym and they have great classes that are free so i am going to do those too. i have been for the most part busy and happy so i havent focused on my weight too much but i look like crap most days and all of my clothes are too tight. i dont want to say that i have an eating disorder because that seems like self-fulfilling professy but i have a weird and unhealthy "relationship" with food. i rarely wait until i am hungry to eat and usually eat a ton of food! like today i had 6 kids clif bars! 3 before work, 3 after. (140 calories each). thats not good! i am thinking i should take diet pills just to drop some weight quickly. idk so irritated, this seems like the one thing in my life i cant manage or get a grip on. its like i know exactly what i need to do lose weight but i havent been to motivated lately.
Anyways one of the reasons i am joining the gym again is to just be more productive with my time. i am hoping that by working out i will be more tired at night and as a result go to bed earlier and stop night time binging. i really want a change in my life ie. move out and or get a new job (i work with food! argh==temptation!). but i know that i need to get a handle on this food thing now, before i am married or have kids...sorry this is a long rant, i cant sleep and i just dont know what to do, just need to trust in God!
what do you all think i should do?..im thinking therapist, overeaters anonymous?? i would love to hear your thoughts:)