Feels good to do it right

It feels good to eat right and exercise.  Even if the pounds are slow to come off it's really a good feeling to know I'm making choices that are healing.  Church was sooooo good on Sunday, just worshiping and taking in God's word - got to catch up w/my friends, too.  I haven't been to my home church in a few months as my dad (86) almost died in October from his chemo treatments and Mom needed a lot of help.  My sister from CA flew in to help her and stayed for a couple weeks.  After Mary flew back to CA, I went to church w/Mom because I committed myself to not letting her go to church alone.  Now, praise God, Dad has really regained a lot of his strength and is doing so well he can get himself in and out of the car and he's going to church again w/Mom.  So I went back to my church this Sunday. Very sweet!! 

Under the weather

Wonder where that saying came from, 'under the weather'?  I guess I'm probably fighting off some bug. Tired, cold all over, etc.  We're having a winter storm and it is cold here and the snow is nasty deep and the roads are terribly slick, so I'm not only uner the weather - ill, I'm under the weather attitudinally (is that a word?).  As soon as my sister graduated from college she applied for jobs only in places it never snows.  Way-to-go Kath!!  Of the two of us I think you made the mor excellant decision.  She lives in FL.  I know the weather attitude comes from childhood stuff so I know I need to get alone w/my Lord for about 2 hours and soak in His love - it changes me.  I'll write again after that!!

Repenting :))

When I got up this morning and read my post, I was amazed at how negative I can be at night!!  Where was my thankful self?  Where was my praising God for how far I've come?  Holy Cow!!!!  I think I'll set out my Bible and some of those fantastic Jon Courson cd's so next time I can't sleep I'll get up and read and listen instead of complaining.  So sorry to any of you who had to read that post! haha

ps didn't lock in that lb. but am retaining water so hopefully when that gets flushed out of my system there'll be a skinnier me underneath.  :))

Up at 3

I'm having difficulty sleeping tonight because J (my daughter) called right before bed last night and her boyfriend and her were arguing over the wedding list.  He got on the phone to give me his side of the story as he believes she'll give me a prejudiced version,  He had been drinking and - oh, brother  - sometimes I wonder if she'd be doing this if she could look back from 50.  Why do we as girls think the end all is some guy!!  I haven't read it yet but Lucy Swindall wrote a book called I Married Adventure, talking about her single life w/God and the wonderful things she has done w/Him.  That's all we really need.  I'm so over the fact that we think a guy is the answer.  It's really a lie and a trap.  I do believe God could have used me in ways that I can't be used now because of marriage.  Truth is I might not be as close to Him now if it wasn't for all the trials and tears I've shed in my own 30 years of marriage and kids.  I just want to spare my own kids the pain of it all and I guess we just can't do that.  I pray for God's mighty right arm to move on their behalf. 

My weight is going down - yea!!  It's not easy that's for sure.  It's funny because I walked into the kitchen (from habit) and it occurred to me there was nothing in there for me anymore.  Do you know what I mean?  I believe I used food as a friend as most of us do.  "She" always brought some miniscule level of comfort and I could take a break from work while I sat and ate.  Walking into that kitchen was like going into an old friend's house that had moved.  "She" just wasn't there.  It was a relief in someways because "she" was always a deceitful "friend" taking my energy and holding me hostage.  I guess I don't miss "her" at all, come to think about it.  .   That's way cool!!

I'll weight in the am after my coffee and hopefully I'll be able to lock in another lb.  I loose slow and my wt. is a stubborn thing, but I think it's getting the idea that it's time to go.  It takes my body a couple weeks before it realizes what's going on and adjusts to the new changes in diet and the add'l exercise.  Once it gets the idea it'll co-operate for awhile and let those extra lbs go.  Until then I just have keep doing the right thing, counting calories and working out.  I think the slow-to-change attitude comes w/the 50ish age.  Years ago I used to leave the french fries out to loose wt., then I had to leave the french fries out and 1/2 the burger, now I have to leave the french fries out, skip the burger and only eat a salad - w/light dressing!  haha 

Well, I'm off to fold a load of clothes and see if I can't fall back to sleep. It's 4 am so I guess I could just get my day started instead.  We'll see what happens when I lay down. 

Remember God moves on behalf of those who wait for Him!!!!

Planning for success

Taking a minute before I leave today to Praise God as He has given me ideas on how to Plan For Success today.  As I said in my previous post, I'm leaving my protective zone today and going to the one place I have the hardest time resisting temption - Mom's!!  Not only that but it's donut day at the shop and I'm the one responsible for buying them.  (Right in my face )

But as I said, here's my plan for success:

1. I bought a fat free sugar free vanilla latte to satisfy my sweet tooth instead of eating one of those donuts
2. I'm taking a Kashi bar & a banana w/me for when I get hungry I can eat that instead of Mom's sweets.
3. I'm taking a big bottle of Lipton's green tea to go so I get in my daily water needs and
4. Most important I'm remebering that He is Faithful and will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can handle but will give me a way of escape. 

Planning on getting home in time to do an early evening workout.  See you then!

Out of my protective zone

I'll take today off work (my husband I own our own business and I do the bookeeping and manage the inlay portion of the biz).  Our home is above the shop so I can limit the food around me to a great deal - for that I am way thankful.  But today I'm going to my daughter's to help w/the wedding plans - she's getting married June 1st  and then to my mom and dad's to help them w/some housework (they're in their 80's and I can truly say I'm blessed to be the child that lives close and can help) 

Do any of you have the same eating issues I have when I get to Mom's??

Please help me if God reminds you through out your day to pray for strength at Mom's!!! 

Thanks to all my sista's!!

FYI: Me :)

Just a little chit chat about me and how I got here. I was a chubby little girl growing up on a ranch.  Have you seen the movie Little Miss Sunshine?  I was Olive in her little cowboy boots and shorts (such a cutie haha).  I lost the baby fat in jr high w/out any effort  then in college I became slightly anorexic (didn't have a name for it then, though) by refusing to go to the cafeteria w/out a friend alongside me (I was sooooo insecure - but that's another story).  Got down to about 103.  Had a vicim mentality and a long ways to go for recovery.  I wa raised Catholic and so appreciate the heritage my mother gave me.  After meeting my husband my freshman year, I changed to Evangelical and we were married in the summer of my sophmore year and I learned that food could take the edge off my emotional pain - especially fatty foods.  I didn't understand the power God had to set me free at that point in my life, but I sure felt better when I ate! haha So I ate.  After 3 years we had our first son and 2 years later our 2nd son and 4 yrs later our lttle girl.  We started our 1st business two weeks before our wedding and have owned different businesses - all in the musical industry - ever since.  My husband was the visionary and perseverance his strong suit, I was the worker ant w/my main job being the bookeeper.  I have a hard time saying no to others so I suffered trying to please everyone and not completely pleasing anyone especially myself.  I knew what God's priorities were but I couldn't make myself do it right. I was depressed and I ate.  We went through more than the average struggles w/our kids in their teenage years and God grew me up!!  I have learned to put Him first, trust Him wholeheartedly, and love each other w/grace and forgiveness.  Now I'm here, ready to trust God to take me to the next level of healing.  My husband and I stuck it out, we'll celebrate our 31st anniversary in June.  What will I be weighing then??  FUN!!

You're giving me strength - Thank you!!

My title says it all!  YOU GIRLS OUT THERE - God is using you to give me the strength. Right now I'm drawing on your posts, your successes to get through this evening.  I'm really feeling my body as it comes into agreement w/my will.  It's complaining & arguing w/me and if it were a little two year old, it'd be stomping it's feet and throwing a little tantrum in protest.  Thanks girls!!  For helping me discipline that little "2 year old". 

Barrier Busted!!

Yeah and Praise God!!  Broke that 170 barrier!!  I visualize these major numbers (the 5's and 10's - ie 170, 165, 160 etc.) as doors to open.  I'm walking down a dim hallway with God and He wants me to open the door to the next section of hallway.  Each secion gets lighter as they lead to a final door that takes me outside in the full sonlight - free from the chains of food!! The effort it takes to surrender to Him is the effort it takes to open that next door.  On days that is easy and on days that is way hard. God is my Commander and I take my orders from Him.  Eat or not eat?  Well, has He given me hunger?  Can I trust in His creation of my body to tell me?  If there is no hunger then why am I eating?  It's God's desire to satisfy me when I'm not hungry - food will never do it. Consequently, we eat and eat trying to meet the need that only God can meet.  Substituting food for God!!!!???  Am I crazy??  God, who adores me wants to show me how much He loves me by meeting that need that is driving me to food.  God is bigger than food (What an understatement!!!)  He has given me great healing and opened the doors of other great prisons w/love and compassion.  Now He's telling me I'm ready to handle this one.  One thing I can rely on . . . He is faithful!!

Looking forward to freedom

What a great way to spend an evening (as opposed to watching tv and eating!!).  Reading the posts is encouraging and strengthens my resolve. I'm learning that just because I get a thought of something to eat doesn't mean I have to own or act on that thought.  I'm quite sure it comes from our enemy, trying to snare me in his trap, keeping me bound in my captivity.  It's time this captive is set free!!  Jesus started His ministry by quoting Isaiah 61:1-4 and in that I take hope and assurance that He will set me free from this bondage as He has set me free from others.  It's great being my age and looking back on the incredible things God has done, has brought me through and has prepaired me for.  He is faithful!!  Now He has set me on a path of recovery (and as Pastor James McDonald's Walk In The Word theme song says 'To the Left or the Right I Will Not  Go, I Will Not Go").   Let me walk worthy of the Lod, fully pleasing Him, surrendering to Him.