Monday afternoon and all day Tuesday were very 'low' days. I just couldn't get into a positive mindset but I did manage to limit acting out my emotions through binging a great deal (at least for me -haha). Monday afternoon I bought a package of health food oatmeal choco chip cookies and ate 6 of them at 100 calories each (gave the rest to my son) and then on Tues. when I was in even more of a depleted state of mind I ate a cup of salted nuts, bought a mini bag of salt and vinegar chips and overate on whole wheat pasta & marinara at supper. And I wanted to do way more than that!!
But I'm feeling GREAT now and I'm wondering if it wasn't the Novocain used at the dentist that caused this extreme low and depleted feeling. I know when my daughter was using meth that the days immediately following her use she would be in the deepest, darkest, ugliest, vulgar mood. Totally unable to control her rage as she obviously tried to cleanse herself of the poison using the only means she knew to get it out of her system- her voice.
Because I'm so familiar with this behavior, I think looking back on the last two days, that the drug used to numb me at the dentist might have caused side effect that was similar to what my daughter must have been feeling. But I was able to keep it under control to a greater degree than she did because for one I didn't get neat as much into my system as she had and second I've had years of Godly practice controlling a natural rage that I seemed to have been born with (thanks to Dad haha). Therefore I was able to do some damage control.
So if you're going to go to the dentist and get numbed up - be prepared for the following downer over the next couple days!! Purge your house of any binge foods and lock yourself up or you could destroy a perfectly good diet (or marriage)! LOL
Started my day with a dentist appt. at 8 am. Icky!! Had a cracked tooth and got a temporary crown. I was so numb it even numbed my ear!! haha Had a pretty good eating day (if I don't blow it now ) Ok, I put it away.
Did not get my exercise in today because as I started walking upstairs to the treadmill I suddenly remembered my son needed to sign his tax returns today so I called him and we ran to the accountants. It didn't take that long and I could've still gotten my exercise in but I sat down here instead and just read and wrote and read and wrote til bedtime. oops!!
Spent some time this morning catching up on post reading. It's so much fun to just explore the blogs.
Will finish opening the biz's mail, post & pay the bills, and work with DH on the schedule board.
If it continues to be nice outside, I'll take my walk around the River Rock Pond (about a 2 mile hike) this afternoon.
It's embarressing but we moved in to our new place about 3 years ago and I still have boxes to unpack. I have a walk in closet but it's full of boxes - !! So I'm determined to unpack more boxes, gather stuff up for a garage sale and get that job behind me.
Sunday after church my daughter and I will order a couple more things online for the wedding but I think we have it just about wrapped up until next month when we need to meet with our vendors for the last time. June 1st is less than 2 months away !!
Am finally getting used to eating much less. (getting used to the site and feel of it) And yesterday afternoon, DH called me and pretended he was the treadmill talking. He knows it's my heart's desire to work out at 3:30 every afternoon but I continue letting people and things keep me busy. It was very supportive of him and he was right!! I just couldn't make myself stop working and get to the treadmill, but his call did it! I quit work, went upstairs and had a terrific workout! What a great feeling!! I'm so thankful for a supportive husband.
Today has got to be a buckle-down, nose-to-the-grindstone kind of day. I spent so much time on other tasks and other people this week that my in-box is spilling over! So I'm posting this and getting busy. Lots of work means the business is doing good so no complaints - just gotta limit my interruptions. And I'm my worst interruption!! haha
This weekend is going to be beautiful so hope to walk outside rather on the treadmill.
Well March was a bust but look now!!! Yippee!! Two more pounds down. Man, that feels good. If it weren't for ep keeping me going through all March I would've quit - again! Thanks to all you our there. This is to your credit!! Yahoo!!
(I wonder if the lose has something to do with releasing all that pent up frustration with men - haha!!)
For all of you who read my post yesterday, I just want to apologize. When God is laying something on my heart that needs healing I need to have that be just between God and me. I know that was the wrong thing to do and I won't do it again. Very sorry!! Thanks in advance for your forginess and believe me I understand if you hold a different stand than forgiveness - no hard feelings!
I posted my struggles in a 'Sisters' thread and didn't realize until I actually wrote it (God opened my eyes) what the initiating cause of my deep seated rebellion that drives me to food is. Here's what I wrote:
My struggle is to First - Remember and Second - Surrender. How many times does God tell us to remember? 166 to be exact!! I need to remember to ask Him before I eat and then surrender to His will. It's simple but not easy. I constantly amaze myself at my stupidly stubborn attitude. I fight the desire to be independent [especially since I come from the women's libber generation - where we fought for our independence from society's notion of a woman's role (under a man's foot)] and I fight the illusion of freedom. It's an illusion - a hologram - Only God offers true freedom!!
And all this is wrapped up in my eating!! It's a tangled mess of threads but God is gently, compassionately, unweaving this mess and re-weaving a beautiful tapestry!
The part that hit me hard was "Under Man's Foot". I definitely need to change my peridyme of men. I see them as oppressive beasts that would like to rule with a snort and blast of tiradious vulgar language, scarring their "lessers" into submission. NOW THAT IS UGLY!! And that is obviously linked to my independent attitude - that is then linked to my stubborn heart - refusing to surrender to God's good for me. I'm glad I've been given this vision into the secret places of my heart. Sorry you had to hear it, too!! LOLGod and I have some work to do. . .
Simply have to write what I just learned because I believe you'll like it to. Comes from Mathew 14:29 (you know the story)
"Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost nerve and started to sink. He cried, "Master, save me!" Jesus didn't hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand."
How has food been my "boat", keeping me afloat and dependent it?
When the waves of life churn and I crave comfort food, I will remember to take a risk and step our of my boat. I know You will take my hand.
Realize that stepping out of old patterns and into new ones will feel strange, even hurtful at first. Acclimating to a new way of life will take some time and practice. But this is okay. You are in transition!
Those words are just what I needed today. I've come a long way on my path to freedom and this gave me a surge of energy to keep on down that path. It takes a lot for me to trust and step out of the boat, to step out in faith on what looks to be unsteady, volitile, unstable and unsafe grounds. It's all an illusion (our enemy's greatest tools) - it's STEADY, FIRM, STABLE & SAFE!! Because it's Jesus - duh!!!
I have a pond outside my office & dining room windows (our home is above the offices of our shop). It is beautiful today. Just this week the ice melted on the pond but it snowed last night and today it is encompassed by a fresh white snow. A mallard couple decided to make this their annual "love pond" and every year they come to mate and then fly off to make their nest. The cattails have just barely begun their spring growth and are starting to show new green stems above the water. The robins and red-winged black birds are back. And the feeder is filled house finches filling their bellies and preparing their nests for their early spring eggs. The nests are right outside the office doors and I can see them busily coming and going. I just saw Debbie (my next door neighbor) leave with her dogs for their daily walk and it encourages me to get out there too. I'll take a quiet walk outside then add some isometrics when I get back home. Hope your Sunday is as delightful as mine has been. (DH and I got up early and finished the production board so the rest of the day is the Lord's and mine). He gives us this beautiful world for our pleasure so I think I'll go enjoy it!
I can't believe my last post was on April 1st. I've been extremely busy. Mostly with work but also the wedding as well as aging parents. I just got caught up with last weekend's laundry and it's this weekend already haha! This weekend will be such a pleasure. I'm going to spend Saturday (after doing our personal bookwork - you know paying bills, balancing the checkbk, etc.) with my daughter. We've got to do some wedding shopping for the little things that are still left on the list - tights and shoes for the flower girls, white bobby pins, mirrors, etc. I'm really looking forward to it. Then on Sunday I have church and the production board (that's DH and I's job on Sat or Sunday - scheduling jobs on the CNC machines for the next 2 months. We have this big magnetic board with all the CNC machines and their operators (our employees) and the jobs go on the board with magnets assuring all our customer's work is prioritized. It takes about 1/2 a day and we do it on the weekend because my DH (who is the entrepreneur) runs another business during the week (trading commodities and mentoring other traders who lease his dll indicators) and he has no time or energy (it's depleting work) for the board during regular business hours. The 2nd business is really picking up speed now and that means I'm taking on more of the 1st business's load and wow - I'm BUSY! I haven't had time to exercise and dieting is coming a little easier when you don't want to stop to eat! haha But it's not much fun when you'd like to have a lunch with a friend and can't find the time or wake up with anxiety over payroll. Guess I'll have to make some adjustments to this extra load so I can still keep God and family first. It'll work out - God knows what His priorities are for me and I've always been able to depend on His might right arm working on my behalf. He's such a COOL God!! I had to skip my regular Thursday's with Mom and Day (82 & 86). I like to go to their place on Thursdays and just help with whatever Mom wants to do - housecleaning, shopping, windows, etc. I'm the only child that lives close enough to help and Dad has gone through some rough times fighting prostate cancer. God's done a mighty work in healing my father and my's relationship and now I just want to love on my parents as much as I can while they're still with us. I'm soooooo fortunate to be the one that lives close.
Gee, it's getting late and I still need to read some of you girl's posts. Hope everyone has a fruitful weekend!!
) Ok, I put it away. 
!! So I'm determined to unpack more boxes, gather stuff up for a garage sale and get that job behind me.
!!