Becoming who I am

Each step will take you ... closer to yourself. John Bingham

My Profile

  • Name: TxMommy929
  • City: San Antonio
  • Region: Texas
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 165.1cm
Start weight: 299.40lb
Current weight: 292.50lb
Goal weight: 249.00lb
Lost to date: 6.90lb
Remaining: 43.50lb

My Calendar

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October '14
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My Photos

Before After

Learning Human being-ness

Sunshine and I are home and while I am now a bit of a hinky parent (every mild complaint raises my blood pressure) we are and will be fine.  We are all getting back into a normal lifestyle and a normal routine.  Monkey has rebounded well.  We will not know for certain if her infection is resolved for a full three months.  Beautiful. 

I am hanging out right below 260, anywhere from 257-259.  I haven't been walking and my diet has been "irregular."  So, I am just pretty thankful I maintained my weight.  I think it is time to stop thinking about myself as a 300 pound person who lost 40 pounds and start thinking about myself as a 260 pound person (who needs to lose 40 pounds ).  This has all pretty much resolved my fear that I will gain that 40 pounds right back.  If I maintained through this, well, I can maintain through anything!

Here is a video http://us.video.aol.com/?pmmsid=1868984  who all have got to go see.  Seriously.  I really HOPE that teh movie is about acceptance.  The child is clearly autistic-like or has social anxiety issues, but even if he is from, say, Mars, lets see a movie about what "a good question"  it is about whether or not it is good to be like everybody else and being a little eccentric is not a bad thing. 

After all, it takes us all a while to learn human being-ness.

 

Fly By

Sunshine will be having surgery tomorrow.  We are stil here at the children's hospital.  We will be leaving before they finish building the nearby Chick Fila (they are framing it now).  Which is unfortunate because as you all know, I do love Chick Fila. 

A few asked who is who is what.  Sunshine is what I call my lovely 9yo daughter when I blog here and Monkey is my darling 3yo boy. 

 

Drama queen alert

So, you all haven't "known" me long enough to know that I am NOT a drama queen.  Plus you get the honor of hearing of most of my drama.  But I have gotten a few have you fallen off the wagon Emails.

Nope.  Sunshine is in the hospital.  Admitting dx was anterior cervical lymphadenitis and cellulitis of unknown origin.  Since then we have (thankfully) found the origin in the form of a retropharyngeal abscess.  (Many of the other options were way more ominous). 

So, I am at the hospital.  Will post again when I am home.  I don't have the foggiest diea how much I weigh.  I haven't eaten much or exercised unless you count getting lost in hospital corridors and rushing to CT snas and showers.  When I do eat it is soemthing bizarre (like an oatmeal cranberry muffin -- not too bad, try one).

I do have lots of FUN stories to share though.....

Monkey Caught A Break

Many of you know I feel poor Monkey just cannot catch a break, especially after the incidental finding of sleep apnea.  We returned, at the neurologist's request, to the ENT who did Monkey's hearing tests.  Incidentally, this is the ENT who pronounced 7 years ago that Sunshine's vocal cord nodes could stay put. Therefore, we felt comfortable from the beginning that he would not operate just because he could.   The ENT reviewed the sleep study, Monkey’s chart/history, and watched Monkey spin around in circles on the floor while singing The Monkey Song (monkeys jumping on the bed).  Then he decided that Monkey’s sleep apnea is not symptomatic enough to be a significant contributor to Monkey’s behavior or the sole cause  (i.e., fixing the sleep apnea will not “fix it”); that Monkey’s sleep apnea is mild and ENT likes to take a watch and wait approach to mild sleep apnea; that Monkey is gorgeous; come back in 6 months.

 

 

So, while it would have been great if an adenotonsillectomy “fixed” Monkey (Hey, wait a minute he isn’t broken!!!) I was dubious it would be a solution and am much relieved that Monkey doesn’t need surgery at his point. 

 

 

As an aside, the school district is being a royal PIMA.  I seriously don’t get these people. 

 

 

I weigh in tomorrow and am feeling particular upset that I “know” I have lost “muscle” and probably water, and probably gained some fat in a bear-like manner.  I won’t be giving up though, so don’t worry.  I am pretty sure I am maintaining my “overall” weight, which I don’t find particularly depressing because the last time I lost 230 pounds, I gained back 20 pounds.  And not over a year or so.  In like, 2 months.  I didn’t change anything about me.  I lost weight.  That was it.  I didn’t lose bad habits or form better ones.  So even maintaining shows me that I have made real changes.

 

 

Finally.

 

 

 

Things I Learned While Walking yesterday

(1)    Monkey’s propensity toward being upside down and jogging strollers are not conducive to one another.

(2)    It is once again Gatorade season.

(3)    If I walk noonish in Texas in February – my body lotion with sun block isn’t actually sufficient.

(4)    There is a spot in the woods from which you can perfectly see an elementary school playground.

(5)    If you don’t know exactly where you are but keep turning in the same direction it will eventually work out okay.

(6)    It’s fun to push the stroller over rocks and make Indian noises with Monkey. 

(7)    It’s great to be adventurous every now and then.

(8)    Walking uphill is WAY harder than walking downhill (whodda thunk?).

(9)    I still can’t run.  Yet. 

(10) I may be fat – but I can walk further than you.  (Ok, maybe not YOU).

Some days you are the windshield, some days you are the bug

Did I mention I hate camping?

 

And snakes?

 

Part of the first part of my course – yes, this was just the first ten hours – was identifying dangerous snakes.  So the nice woman says – how do you know when to leave a snake alone?  She gets all kinds of clever answers like if it has a rattle (duh), if it has a pointed head, if it has touching red and yellow bands.  Then she asks me and I reply “It’s a snake.  Leave it alone.  It has a right to privacy.”  She laughs and assures me the snake is more afraid of me than I am of him.  I tell her she is underestimating my fear.

 

For lunch we had delicious beef macaroni cooked in a dutch oven.  This was a huge change from my normal lunch of Special K or fruit or turkey and cheese.  I had fruit with me and pulled it out to compliment my beef macaroni. 

 

Next we learned how to sharpen a knife.  So we can teach our girls how to sharpen a knife.  Something which is unlikely to be necessary at a camp where we will be for 24 hours that is 30 minutes away from the nearest WalMart.  First there was a sandstone which I dutifully used.  Then there was this fish shaped thing  that you put over your knuckles and struck down on.  To which I say – that just looks like a bad idea.  In fact, while looking for the product online to show you guys, I couldn’t find one, but I found something similar enough to convince myself they may have actually been showing us the wrong way.  Picture that thing turned the other way with the blue band over your knuckles and then putting the knife blade toward your knuckles and pulling it down and away.  BAD PLAN right?  They said what they had they got at WalMart so I am going to go take a look, then I am going to ask the person in charge of adult education who I happen to know and like. 

 

I came home exhausted and smelling of charcoal.  So, we went to get Subway for dinner and then go grocery shopping.  That was the plan at least.  Monkey was very cuddly.  I assumed because he missed me.  When we were in line at Subway, Monkey (who had not yet got the stomach virus) showed us that he had the stomach virus.  Um, thanks, sorry, never mind about the sandwiches.  I get Monkey all cleaned up and into the car and standing in the parking lot – this is how gross it was – I take off my shirt.  Hubby and the car of old women parked next to us are both just staring at me.  Honestly, I considered taking it off in the Subway, so I think they should all be grateful I waited until I was stepping into the car.  I am a relatively modest person, people, this was GROSS and there was no way I was riding home like that. 

 

And still it is a hard call what the roughest most embarrassing part of my day was….

259

The good news -- I saw 259(.8) on the scale this morning.  The bad news --  a stomach virus ran rampant through our household and it is surely loss of muscle and water. 

Today I FINALLY got out and walked again and could only go 2.5 miles before I was all clammy and icky.  This is probably directly attributable to the tea and toast diet I have been on.  But I was wise, stopped, and consoled myself by reminding myself of the days when I could barely do 0.3 miles.  I REALLY didn’t want to get out there again today, but I was feeling at least 85% better and figured I needed to suck it up and do it, or I might not do it for another month.  Know what I mean?  Excuses are just too easy to come by.  Why does it takes 21 days to build a habit (or so they say) and only 5 to break it?

 

Tomorrow is ALL DAY Girl Scout training for camping.  Can I tell you how much I am not looking forward to this?  First, I know that someone I believe must be INSANE and who pushes all my buttons will be there.  She is very aggressive and I just have a hard time bearing it.  Of course, that is exactly the type of person I need to learn to deal with – so, it is what it is.  Second, nine hours of training….need I expound.  Third, I don’t like camping anyway. 

 

This also means my husband who has no patience will be in charge of the children for about 10 hours.  I have actually called my mother to suggest she drop in.  I am always torn with this.  On the one hand – it is rescuing my husband.  On the other, it is rescuing the children.  And they are far more important to me than proving a point to him and coming home to them upset and him being a real jackass. 

 

Tomorrow I will probably just get in a short workout, but then I have to come up with a plan to help rebuild the muscle and water I have lost over the last few days of inactivity, tea, and toast, and get below 260 for real and for good.   In one way I have found it frustrating that I haven’t lost more weight.  On the other, I am also encouraged that I haven’t gained all the weight I lost right back, which I assure you, I did the last time I lost 20 pounds. 

 

Wish me luck and the patience of Job  tomorrow! 

 

Special K on a Special Day

In my continued effort to keep people updated on all things chocolate, I now submit my review of Special K Chocolatey Delight.  This is what I have to say, so listen up:  buy the Special K Red Berries instead.  

 

See here is the major design flaw.  If you buy Special K Red Berries even after milk is added you have a distribution of strawberries.  It is a nice surprise in random bites.  Yummy.  And what a deal at 150 calories a serving (including milk).  Now Chocolatey Delight (160 calories per serving with milk) on the other hand has crunchy bits of semisweet chocolate.  They also all sink to the bottom.  No yummy distribution of flavor.  Plus, if you just wanted a nice little taste of chocolate – well, now with this spoonful you have set up your taste buds.  They’ll want more.  (Like the whole Lay’s ad – nobody can eat just one).  Plus the chips are kind of waxy (like cheap cholate chips instead of name brand).  So,  the smartest thing to do is leave this smorgasbord of chocolate at the bottom of the bowl.  Well, the smartest thing would have been to buy Special K Red Berries instead, but it is too late for that now.  

 

 

 

And one further word on Special K Chocolatey Delight – I appreciate that it can be spelt either way but spell check and I both prefer chocolaty.  

 

Now – for my delicious kid friendly recipe of the month – let me introduce you all to Sweet Potato Spears (Kraft recipe, see link). I used Ken’s Steakhouse Lite Northern Italian w/Basil & Romano because that is what I had in the house.  I forgot to use the parsley.  I sprinkled just a tad of parmesan on.  And I only made two sweet potatoes (not 3 sweet potatoes and 3 white).  DH, Monkey, and I all enjoyed them.  Sunshine consented to taste one, but didn’t like it.  Allegedly.  I am pretty sure that if she hadn’t felt she was proving something by not liking it, she would have liked it.  Also, the spear s that were cut skinnier were crunchier and I liked those best – although they were ALL good and I think the crunchy preference was just a personal preference. 

 

And for a minor breakthough, tonight DH brought home sugarfree choclates.  Now, obviously, flowers still would have been a better choice, but it took some thought for him to bring home SF candy.  Plus there are only 6 in the box.  So I can’t possibly overindulge!!!

I hope you all had a great Valentine's Day that held all the potential for the day you envisioned!  My expectatiosn for teh day weren't high, so I am pleased.  Monkey had a great day at OT and I repeated the four mile walk I took yesterday today. 

New math?

OK, people.  Four times 3 is twelve?  Right?  So how can mints that according to the package have 4 calories each have ten calories in a serving of three pieces?  I’m just saying.  I mean, obviously they rounded up or down at some point, twice, but I would really prefer these numbers add up.  I mean, why do they need to make it complicated.  Did I mention the other day it took 10 minutes for me to figure out how much popcorn was 100 calories because the serving size listed on the box was in unpopped kernels?  Criminy! 

 

That said, here is a yummy treat for those among us who find we still need an occasional chocolate fix.  York mints are four calories each or ten calories for three (so by all means eat three because the third one apparently only has two calories).  They come in a handy dandy little tin that is a real SOB to open so you won’t indulge too frequently.  So, if you enjoy the combination of chocolate and mint and have enough self control to have these around, I find them to be a great treat. 

 

Tomorrow is my big walk day.  I am going for four!  Usually Tuesday’s I walk 3.25 miles now, but I’m taking the plunge.  The killer will be the third time up the hill, but by then it will be too late to turn around.  I think I may try to remember to take my camera along one day.  This is the trail Monkey enjoys because usually we see deer, rabbits, and a person or two walking a dog.  Last time we were on it about a mile in he spontaneously volunteered “I can’t find it a reindeer.”  To say I was delighted would be an understatement. 

 

I’m still a tad behind work-wise and have vowed (to myself) to do at least 8 reports tonight so I have a long way to go before bed. 

I scream, You scream, we all scream

I know you all don’t want to hear all the trials and tribulations of Monkey and how the kid cannot catch a break – but there is a direct correlation between this and the fact that I am eating 100 calories worth of popcorn and drinking a cup of coffee at 9:47 in a pitiful attempt to finish at least part of the work I need to get done tonight.  So, we can say it is tangentially weight loss related. 

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  So, if you truly would rather not read about Monkey, check back tomorrow.  Tonight it is all Monkey, all the time. 

 

Last night at 12:20 a blood curdling scream comes from Monkey.  I usually wait 5-10 minutes of wakefulness before going to him but the terror filled screams shook the house and I dash up the stairs knowing exactly what I am going to find at the top.  A sound asleep child screaming their head off in the midst of a night terror. 

 

Almost every article says that sleep terrors last an average of 30 minutes (this is not Monkey’s first) but my baby Monkey is an overachiever.  At 1:55 he finally stops screaming and settles into a relatively restless sleep.  But now his nose is all clogged up from screaming and crying and he can’t breath.  So, guess what?  Ten minutes after I lie him down (he was upright on me) and lie in my bed – AHHHHHHHHHHH!  More screaming.  This time at least he is awake.  But he can’t breath.  Now, being the loving, compassionate, sleep deprived person I am at this point, I would like to kill him.  I am totally understanding shaken baby syndrome at the moment.  So, I thank God that I have enough wits about me to understand (1) he is 3,  (2) I am 35, (3) I outweigh the poor kid by 235 pounds, and (4) he is just as tired and miserable as I am.  So, I lug him back downstairs to the rocking chair.  Rock, rock, rock, and he’ll sleep for 10 minutes.  So, at 3:30 I try to get him to take some Sudafed.  Well, poor Monkey is too tied at this point to do anything.  Therefore, being completely irrational, I slam the cabinet shut.  Which doesn’t upset Monkey any more, but gets DH (and the D here is not dear right now people) out of bed FINALLY to say “What the hell is going on?”  So, I hand him Monkey and say, “I need a break.”  Twenty minutes later Monkey falls asleep for DH and he lies Monkey in bed with me and DH sleeps on the couch. 

 

To all this, I have one thing to say – Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

Even now as I am “working” (it was my deal with myself, get some done and I could blog) I can hear Monkey still awake in his room playing.  A few of you have Emailed me or commented and have kids with special needs and we have all seen the eerie connection between sleep disorders and autism and other special needs.  But, seriously, when is enough too much?  The best thing about night terrors is allegedly he will have no clue he had them. 

 

It is now 10:17 (I was interrupted), I have finished my popcorn and coffee and have decided if I can get at least four more patients transcribed doc will be satisfied at least until I can get some more done tomorrow. 

 

FYI, I am not getting Emails notifying me I have comments.  So every time I discover I have one it is a pleasant surprise.  I have the boxed checked to send them, they aren’t in my junk mail, they are just in cyberspace, I guess.  Meanwhile, every comment on the blog below this one was made at exactly 2 minutes after the hour?  Not likely.  Maybe the EP masters children have night terrors and they are so sleep deprived they can’t function either. 

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