-Tomorrow would have been 3 years w. my ex and he called me and let it slip that he's seeing someone else. fucking wonderful. jerk.
-I got a C on a paper I got back and now have to rewrite it...which sucks because I'm exhaused and don't want to (although I should be f-ing GRATEFUL my prof. is letting me rewrite it!!!)
-I haven't heard heads or tails of the *boy* since he accepted my friend request on facebook at 2am this morning (OK, so that's NORMAL...but jeez! I want him to dig me so bad he texts me or something!!!)
-I'm stressing out about MONEY!!!
So as you can see, it's been an emotionally rough day. The C is really getting me down (i normally get As and B s...no Cs since Freshman Year!)
The ex makes me want to shave my head and run around screaming a la Britney Spears.
The boy/money makes me ANXIOUS...an emotion I hate!
However, despite all of this, I have only consumed 38pts today (4 flex). However, I have eaten:
French Fries and Brownies (for lunch) w. Skim Milk
1 c. vegan whole wheat lo mein and chocolate covered peanuts w. more milk.
In retrospect, it's DISGUSTING...but at least I didn't binge binge binge on chips or shit like that. And I still have 19.5 flexies left for the week. So props to me!
Anywho- it's bedtime. Fo' real. Please excuse the profanity in this post as well...it's just be ROUGH. See you on the other side!
So today has been a totally stressful day, and honestly, all I feel like doing is curling up and crying. Blah.
We had roomdraw for next year tonight and I was soooo stressed out about it because housing is limited for all of us, and I wasn't sure I would get the configuration I wanted...but we did! Me and my friend K got a suite with two single bedrooms and a common room, which is exciting! But the leading up to it was SUPER stressful for all of my friends and I.
Also, I keep second guessing myself about this *boy*...I dunno, I vascilate between feeling good about how things went and feeling like he couldn't POSSIBLY like me and I'm so pathetic liking him and I should let it go before I get my feelings hurt...blah blah blah...
I mean, he did see my picture and ASK his friend to hook us up, and he was a really good and polite date, and he was NERVOUS so probably he likes me ENOUGH...I just honestly want a second date.
Another thing- I was stressing out about A LOT of personal stuff Friday night, some of it involving the ex, and I broke down and called him and left him a message, saying a lot of stuff and then telling him NOT to call me back because I DIDNT ever want to hear from him...and guess what, he DIDNT call me back.
Suprised? I know I shouldn't be, but I guess I always thought if I was in a crunch, he would be there...eh, whatever. It just feels sour and sad, you know?
ALSO- I have a presentation tomorrow...so if you can't tell, there's a lot on my mind and I'm really anxious about a lot of it. Good knew is, I only went 3 pts over my daily allowance, and didn't binge on sweets or anything. But still, I feel really anxious and WANT to eat. But I'm going to bed soon. So no food till tomorrow.
Wish me good luck on my presentation, and send skinny vibes!!!
I drank 8 pts of alchol (4 drinks) and 5 pts of mixers...which all in all is NOT bad, considering I COUNTED it all and used flex! But onto the news you guys all really WANT to hear...
So I met up with my date at 9:30 (my friends set it up so that he was outside and I had to go find him based on what he was doing- awkward!), and he was REALLY cute. Scratch that, REALLY HOTT. He was about an inch taller than me in my tallest heels, which I think is a perfect hight!
So we went back to a friends suite to pregame, hang out and talk. And he's really interesting and passionate about what he does. He's a musician, and takes his music really seriously. So, that was fun, and I got to see all of our aquaintances and friends, and just hang out and drink (1 drank 3 drinks there, so when we left for the dance I was a little tipsy). He didn't drink AT ALL. Intersting, right? He explained that he got really drunk last night and was trying to take it easy. Plus, did I mention he was a total gentleman? Holding doors and everything.
So anyways, on the walk to the dance/at the dance he kept saying how nervous he was...and how nervous he gets in small groups. And my friend had told me that he gets uncomfortable when girls are all up on him, so I kept my distance. But while we were dancing he didn't touch me. Not once.
ARGH. I mean, I'm not a hooch, but he was cute and I would have liked to get close.
Anyways- at the end of the night he walked me home, and again said 'sorry I was so nervous'...haha...and hugged me and I was like 'I had so much fun! you wanna do it again?' and he was like 'yeah, I don't have ur #'
So I gave him my #, and got his. And he hugged me. So I hope that means we're going out again?! I dunno!!!!!
A couple other things I negled to mention:
-He invited me to a gig he's having but I'm gonna be out of town
-On the way home he complimented me on my confidence?!? ME?! Confident?! Wow.
Luckily, I think he's one of thoes guys who's really attractive but doesnt' really think of himself as a dreamboat...you know the type. Cuz he's shy and awkward but SOOO CUTE (if you can't tell, I've got a crush!)
I guess the only thing is- how do I go on from here? I don't want to be too forward and scare him away, but I'd like to see him again...soon...blah.
I'll probably start by friending him on facebook later this afternoon.
Also-I'll post more about WL later...after all , that's what this blog is all about!
And I'm excited. Got up early this morning and went to the gym with two of my friends, then to brunch and to wallgreens for some eyeliner. I'm too nervous to do work this afternoon- so I'm just gonna sit around and relax!
Also, thanks for all the support w. the gain. I'm gonna give it till next friday, and hopefully I'll see the scale move again!
I'll post againto let you all know how tonight goes!
I thought I was doing so well, but unfortunately my scale here at school seems to think otherwise. It thinks I weight MORE than my scale at home.... 0.4lbs more!!!
And I thought I had at least lost 1-2 lbs...I mean, I feel better, I feel the fat on my body shrinking...ARGH!!!!!
I'm not giving up tho. Just have to b that much better this week!
So, this week has gone by *rather* smoothly, given that its been my transition back to school. All in all, I'm doing OK. I worked out Tue, Wed and Today, for at total of 14 APs. I stayed within my pts, with flex to spare. I'm just praying for a loss on the scale tomorrow.
I guess though, as I sit here in bed, exhaused from doing 40 mins of cardio fat blast dance party, or whatever that fun/silly video is called, I'm feeling exhausted and melencholy. I'm excited about my *date* on Sat...but also really nervous. And also sort of sad because of all that it means. It means moving on. Forward. And leaving Mr. Ex behind. It means, if I'm moving on...so is he. And that's still sad. But that's the end of that.
So I'm off to bed- wish me luck on my WI tomorrow!
I'm really excited! The truth is, I haven't been on a real date in forever...even me and the ex didn't really "date"...we just fell into something serious. And I'm excited! To get all dressed up and go out, to have someone/something to look cute for.
Also, I got some *intel* on the guy...he's a junior, like me. One of my roomates did some recon. for me, and showed me a pic and from what I can see...he's cute! And supposedly taller than me, which is also a HUGE plus, since I dig tall guys!
My suite mate also told me that the way he found out about me was when one of my friends was looking through some pics. on facebook from about a month or so ago (when me and my friends were getting ready to go out) and he saw me, said who was that, and asked her to set us up. So apparently he thinks I'm hott!
I guess that's where I get nervous tho. I don't want to *dissapoint* because maybe the pics were flattering or whatever. I mean, I guess I'm just so messed up about my own self- image, I'm afriad we'll show up to pregame, he'll take one look at me and BAM...game over. And that would make me so sad.
But whatever. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I have to get over my issues with my own bod...cuz I look at the pics of me in the album that he saw, and I think it's pretty much what I look like. But then again, I don't know. I keep looking back at them and I vacilate between saying "oh, I look so cute, and hott and almost "normal"" to "WHAT A FATTY!!!"
I can't spend a lot of time trippin over this tho- I have an EXAM in the morning (one I'm afraid I won't do well on! I know I'm not super well prepaired!) So I just gotta suck it up and live life. What will happen, will happen!
Also- I stayed within my pts today...used all of my APs and .5 flex, so not bad. Hoping for a loss Friday morning, to kick off a *fab* weekend!
So this is a quick post during my break at work...but I couldn't resist!
A friend of mine called me this morning and asked me if I would go to a "screw" dance with this guy in her college (not telling me who he is...its' supposed to be a blind date sort of thing where you're friends "screw" you with someone...) and saying that HE approached HER and asked if she would ask me to go w. him!
It's something every res. hall at my school does once a year, and I haven't gone since then...and I'm NERVOUS. I told her I'd had to think about it, and have been racking my brain to figure out who it is. I've got so many mixed emotions...I wanted to nervously binge eat at lunch, and while I DID use a lot of pts...I COUNTED it all. And limited my *binge* to one more chix strip than I had budgeted, and a chocolate chip blonde (6 pts! OWCH)
Still, I'm just so freaked that some guy would WANT to go on a date with ME. ALL of me. I'm all jumbled up about it...and I'll post more later once I've made up my mind if I'm going (signs say yes!) and all of that.
So I got up this morning, read some blogs, and then worked out. I did 25 mins Tae Bo Celebrity Cardio- which is acutally a really hard workout! I'd forgotten how much it kicks my butt! So even tho it's 45 mins total, I just did the first 25 and then switched to 10 min. solution fat blasting dance mix (courtesy of netflix on demand) which was actually really fun and suprisingly challenging. I was so focused on doing the moves that I forgot I was working out, and after 20 mins I was COVERED in sweat!
So that was good. No food yet today- it's chix tenders for lunch, at 2 pts each, so I'm saving my points for that!
In other news, I have 2 dillemas. #1- I took "before" picks of myself in bra and shorts, and dont' know wheater to put them on here or not. I mean, I want to track my progress and all, but I'm pracrically NAKED. Sheesh. I never thought I was real modest...but suprise suprise. I don't think it's shame, cuz actually, looking at the pictures I think I'm FAT, but not as totally disgusting as I had been thinking I was. I suggest doing it if you haven't already (I mean, I reisisted it FOR A LONG TIME) because it has totally put my f-ed up self image in check. So yay.
#2- I want to buy WW on-the-go for my planner, but don't know if it will be worth the $$. Maybe I should make it a reward for 5 lbs lost ? Hmm...let's ponder that...
Anyways, I'm off to dress, run errands, eat, go to work, read, go to section, go to dinner and then STUDY for my exam tomorrow morning. But I'll probably post on here again before then (it's a great procrastination tool!)
So somehow I got messed up counting the days...today has been day 5 of WW...and I've stuck to the program for the most part (I couldn't figure out how to count dinner on Sat. out so I guess )
I still have 25 flex pts left for the week (my week begins Friday morning with WI), so I'm in good shape. And I worked out for 45 mins today, earning myself 4 APs. So that was good!
Being back at school and trying to stick to WW for real this time is hard. I said something about calories at dinner today, and my tiny, skinny friend was like "Don't read the nutrition info, then you'll get grossed out and won't eat!" haha...yeah, that's the POINT. My best friend knows I'm trying to loose 30 lbs, but no one else does yet... I mean, they probably guess tho. Let's be real- they're nosy college girls who look at what I'm doing on the computer and see me on ww.com and here on ep. So hopefully they'll get it eventually. Although the one who made the crack about nutrition is seriously deluded about weight. She ACTUALLY said,
"It's completely normal and healthy for some people to be really, really fat (in refferencing the big guy on "Lost")...that's just the way they are"
REALLY? I think not. The sad truth is, I'm not healthy, and that's why I want to CHANGE. The way I eat is NOT HEALTHY, and I'm CHANGING IT!
So there. Haha.
Anyways, back on track...it's been hard, but good, being back. I feel stronger and more determined this time around. I feel EMPOWERED. The truth is, I read so many amazing and inspiring stories on here, that I know it's possible. And I see it in my future. First I'll loose 30lbs, then 70lbs...and then maybe 25lbs more. My goal is to loose the 95 before my college graduation, in May 2009, so I've got more than a year. And I can do it! But I've realised, this is a MARATHON, not a sprint, and I've gotta comitt. So here it is. Watch me stay on track. Watch me make the LIFESTYLE change I need to make. You have all inspired me with your dedication and comittment (shout out to As I Am, who has made amazing progress on this journey), and I know I can do it!
T
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