All the books suggest that you discover what's motivating you to eat and then you can work on other ways to deal with that emotion.
Do you eat because you're sad, angry, lonely, happy, horny?
WTF! I eat because I love food. I might eat a bit more when I'm blue or even just bored, but mainly I eat because I love the taste of food.
When I told my JCC that I already know why I eat she was so pleased, but when I told her that I eat because I love the taste, she was confused. She's been a JCC for over 15 years and has never been told by someone that they're fat because they love food??? How is that possible? Am I the only one? She kept insisting that I had to find the emotion that leads me to food, but there isn't one. I'm fat because I love food. Specifically I love fatty, greasy, carby food.
I don't have to be sad, lonely, anxious or even hungry for that matter for me to enjoy sitting down with a bag of 2 bite brownies. They taste incredible and I like to eat them.
Is anyone else out there going through this? Am I really the only food lovin' fatty out there?
Remember that new dream goal of 145 that I set. Well, it turns out that (according to every web-site I've visited) even if I hit that seemingly impossible number, I'll still be officially over weight.
Web-sites suck! Sniff...sniff... I will not let this get to me. Sniff...
Well, today I fit into my "skinny suit"! I'm thrilled. It's been sitting in my closet for almost a year. Teasing...taunting...Laughing at me as only a grey pin-stripe can. You know that laugh. Deep, evil and menacing.
Last night I realized that my clothing situation was in trouble. Everything I normally wear is ridiculously huge on me. Not because I'm doing that well, but because in the past I've always had a habit of buying my clothes too big and now when you add that to the fact that I've lost over 20lbs, you can imagine how lost I am in my clothes.
Anyway, I did recently buy some new stuff, but as I'm only 5'4" (too short for regular clothes and too tall for petite) it all has to be altered. I was in a fit. Could I go one more day wearing the baggy suits? Then, from way in the back I saw a familiar fabric. It was hiding. It had stopped laughing and was eeking back in embarassment...The "skinny suit".
With low expectations I pulled it from it's hanger home and chanting my new mantra a la the little engine, "I think I can, I think I can", I slipped one leg in, then the other, and finally went for the dreaded button/zipper combo which thankfully gave me no attitude...and then it happened...the evil grey pin-strip meekly appologized and officially gave up it's title of "skinny suit". It's now lost it's power over me and become just a suit. No skinny...no quotes...Who's laughing now suit? Who's laughing now?
I'm so glad that they've replaced the white tanked skinny minnies with the brand new "real" skinny minnies on the main page.
Wow, what an inspiration they all are. I can only hope to one day be half as successful as they've been in their journey.
Today, I finally did it. I set a more dreamy goal. Originally, I had my goal set for 180 and then as I realized that I could do better, I dropped it to 160. Well, today after seeing all these other success stories, I went all out and changed it to 145. My God, that scares me. I'm really big all over. Like, I have a large frame, big bones and boobs enough for two so I'm not sure if 145 is even logical, but I figure it can't hurt to try.
I also finally made some virtual models today. Seeing the after "dream" dream body has really got me excited, if there's any way that I could one day have that bod, then maybe...just maybe it's all almost worth it.
Well, DH and I had our WI last night. It wasn't quite as bad as I expected. I didn't gain, but I only lost .4 pounds so it was a rather unproductive week. Hubby gained .2 so neither of us are feeling all to great.
We swore that we'd get back on track with the work-outs later that night, but...well...uhhh....we're losers. I just got a Game Cube and I got thrown into a time warp when my DH surprised me with the original Sonic the Hedgehog. I played until 1:00 in the morning so no, I didn't work out.
I would swear to do it tonight, but we're going to see Phantom (my 3rd time - I love it so much) and we won't get back home until rather late, but really I'll start tomorrow night. I swear. I mean it this time..really...I do....I think...who am I kidding. I can swear to nothing other than "I'll try...sort of".
I'm so pathetic. I know that I have to keep up with the workouts, but damn I hate them so much! I still have yet to find a way to convince myself that I'm enjoying them.
On another note, I've recently gotten back in touch (via e-mail) with a girl who was my best friend in grade 6. She was this pretty, tiny little thing and from the photos that she sent me, she seems to still be, but she keeps writing to me about how she's overweight and has tried every diet known to man. Thank God, she can't see me through the computer. If she thinks that she's over weight, I'd hate to hear what she would call me.
Seriously though, I can't stop thinking about how sad it is that someone so beautiful and thin can be so unhappy with their body.
It really becomes apparent when I'm strolling through the blogs on this site. I've come across so many women with these great bodies and gorgeous smiles who seem to suffer from the same misguided notion that they are fat. So many of them have bodies well beyond my dreams and yet they still can't recognize it.
I guess that's the one bonus of really being overweight, when I do hit that great bod, hopefully I'll be able to realize it and appreciate it. After all these years buried under jackets and sweaters and sitting with my giant purse in my lap, it will be so nice to have the kind of body that can pull off shorts and a t-shirt.
I'm not asking for much...although if I don't start moving again it will take a miracle for me to ever hit my goal.
Well, we are back from Vegas and it was fantastic. Hubby spent a lot of his time working, but we did have most of the evenings together which was nice.
I was really worried about how the weight issue would work while we were gone. I knew that we'd be eating out for every meal and I was sure that it would lead to us packing on the pounds, but apparently all the walking we did really counter-acted that.
We got back Thursday morning, had our weigh in that night and found that I had lost 3 pounds and DH had lost 8!!! Luckily for him he likes salad (I detest it) so he ate salads for most of his meals while I ate wraps, small sandwiches (with only 1 slice of bread) and grilled chicken.
We were stunned and thrilled by our losses. It gave us both a big boost of confidence and helped to make us feel like maybe we can do this on our own eventually.
Unfortunately, our next weigh in is tonight and based on my TOM and the fact that I've basically been a lump since we got back from Vegas (this always happens when I get back from vacation. It takes a while for me to get back into the groove), I'm expecting to see an increase. Hopefully, it will just be a small one, but I don't think so.
I really need to get back to excercising. My problem is that I'm not one of those people who claim that they "feel so great afterwards". I feel okay, but generally I hate it because I feel like it's intruding on my evening which is alreay limited because of my commute for work.
I will never enjoy exercise. I know that I have to do it, but I hate it. I've tried all sorts of different activities, sports, work-outs and it's always the same...I hate it!!!
I need to get motivated. I need to move. I want a nap.
So tomorrow night, DH and I leave for Vegas. We're both very nervous about what this will mean for our diets. Can we survive on vacation and not binge, binge, binge??? Only time will tell.
Last WI was not too impressive. I lost 1.2lbs. Better than gaining that's for sure, but I would have preferred to see a full 2lbs especially since I'm pretty sure that regardless of the sacrifaces I will make on vacation, I'm sure I will end up gaining weight.
I guess that's it for now. When I return, I'll fill you in on how we thought we did and then we have a WI that night so I'll see how we really did.
Well after our visit to the states and our lucky "finds" of various foods that we can have in place of starchs, etc... I started getting kind of worried. The nutritional info showed the items as being completely compatible with some of the additions I had in my menu (i.e. add one starch and one fat), but the substitutions tasted so good that I started getting worried.
My DH and I were convinced that eating foods that tasted this good were going to lead to a weight gain at our appt on Wed.
Wow were we surprised. Not only did we not gain, but we lost 3 pounds each. After some long taks with the JCCs we felt alot better about our ability to figure out the exchanges, etc... Turns out that we were doing alright after-all.
We spent a bunch of time looking at the wall of fame to give us some inspiration. That really does work although I wish they'd stop putting up pics of those toothpicks who come in with like 10 pounds to lose. I realize that it's not easy for them, but maybe they could have a seperate wall or something.
Anyway, this means that after 5 weeks DH and I combined have lost almost 35 pounds. Pretty impressive. I can really see the progress on DH. His belly is just melting away. I'm so proud of both of us.
I've also quit smoking. (Did I already mention that on here??) Anyway, it's been about 3 months since my last puff and I've avoided the dreaded "quitter gain" so I'm doubly proud of myself.
We're off to visit my folks this weekend (assuming we can make it through the snow - they live up near London, Ont). Visiting Mom is always a bit of a challenge as she's constantly wanting to cook and bake for me. She'll see me eating the Jenny Chili and say "I could have made you chili" or "why don't you have this casserole I made for dinner, it's your favorite". I just say "no thanks" and let it go, but at some point I'm really going to have to have a chat with her about this. The weirdest part is that she was always the first to point out the DH and I need to take care of our weight.
Whatever, I'll hang in there. Trip to Vegas approaching fast. More on that later.
Damned bi-lingualism!!! I have a strong feeling that the whole reason why we don't get a lot of the cool foods and stuff that come out in the States is because the companies just don't want to be bothered making bi-lingual packaging for them as the Canadian gvmt would force them to. It's rediculous! Why must I travel 1 hour, passport in hand, practically get cavity searched just in order to find a low cal tasty treat?? Why oh Why??
So as you may have guessed, we did go on our cross-border shopping trip and found some excellent treats to bring back. We got Crystal Light in a crap-load of flavours that we've never seen up here. Blueberry White Tea, Raspberry Ice Tea and Green Tea with Lemon just to name a few. They also have sugar free Koolaid singles which I was glad to find as the Koolaid singles here (which are quite yummy) have way too much sugar and too many calories.
The best finds though, were some 100 cal packs that we found - Hershey's and Reese 100 cal snack packs with only 3g of fat and even better 100g Keebler snack packs. Oh my God, I tried the choc coated shortbread and almost died. It's sooo good.
We ended up skipping the casino because we spent so much time shopping. We crossed the border around 3 and didnt cross back until after 10. We hadn't had dinner and we were starving.
Got to the border, gave an honest account of what was purchased (it was mostly groceries so what did we care, right?). Proceeded to wait nearly half an hour while our car was searched in detail looking for what??? drugs??? It's a car full of fatties, why not believe that all we bought was food. This was one night when I really wish we'd encountered fat prejudiced people. "Fat people, hmmm...? They must be just buying food. Look how fat they are. Ha ha ha. Let them go right through." But no, this night we encountered someone who saw past the fat and thought that maybe, just maybe we were also smuggling dope or illegal arms.
Actually, maybe that's not the case at all. Maybe they saw the fatties and thought, My God, these people are so fat, they've probably stashed a Mexican in the trunk for a snack on the way home.
Who knows what they thought? All I can say was that it was damn cold. They made us stand outside in the freezing wind for nearly 30 minutes and then didn't give us so much as a "sorry for the delay" or an "enjoy your sweets fat-asses". Some sort of friendly communication would have been nice, but no luck.
Anyway, next WI is on Valentines Day. Hope DH and I both have good results. He really needs the boost as I can tell he's staring to feel really down about this whole thing. Valentines is not a day that I want him to be down about another weight gain.
So this weekend (we hope), hubby, best-friend and I are going to Buffalo to load up on all the neat "good" foods that we don't get up here in Canada.
We used to do this all the time, but we went for the "bad" foods that we couldn't get here.
I'm not really sure if we're ready for it. I know that as we wander through the Giant Topps, we're bound to see all sorts of delicious fat laden treats that will make our mouths water and our knees go weak. There's bound to be a number of new chocolately treats that will make me want to cry, but we will overcome and only buy the "good" stuff.
We're rewarding ourselves (for not buying the really tasty stuff) with a trip to the Seneca Casino. We're slot people and the Seneca casino is indescribably better than any of our casinos. That also might be tricky though as we usually hit their buffet while we're there - unlimited crab and butter...mmmm..... We're on JC though and still on their food so we'll be bringing our own treats of bananas and BBQ Pita puffs to make it through the day. Not quite the same thing, but still yummy (or at least that's what I'm telling myself).
