Well, I don't know why I'm disappointed or even surprised for that matter...
You guessed it, once again no mention from my folks about the losses DH and I have managed.
At first I thought that maybe they just couldn't tell. It's been a while since they've seen us...maybe they forgot how fat we were to start.
So, I waited and waited and finally when it became painfully obvious that there were no comments coming, I made a move and started the ball rolling by sharing a comment that our JCC made at our last weigh-in.
(I should preface this by saying that my best friend is also on JC with my DH and I.) "So, our consultant made a neat observation the other day...turns out that between the three of us, we've lost the equivalent of Nicole Richie....." First there's total silence, then a look crosses my mother's face that I know means she's about to speak. I wait...Her mouth opens and her response is.... "Who's Nicole Richie?"
Ouch!!! Not the response that I was looking for, but my hopes are not completely dashed. I explain who she is (daughter of Lionel, sort-of friend of Paris Hilton), mention her weight and then give a breakdown of how much the three of us have lost to date thinking these numbers can't fail to elicit some sort of positive results. Again, there's a moment of silence, again the look that tells me that some sort of response is imminent, and the moment arrives, she opens her mouth and this time, I hear... "I didn't know he had a daughter. Oh I made 9 and a half dozen Oatmeal Raisin cookies this week. They're in the black tin in the kitchen if you want some, oh wait, I'll go get them for you."
WHAT?!?!?!? Are you freakin' kidding me?? This woman has ridden my butt my whole life about being over weight and has reminded me almost daily that I need to do something about it and when I finally do something and I'm doing well, not only do I not get any praise, but I get offered cookies?????
I know, I know... I should not let this get to me and I didn't. I politely turned down the cookies reminding her that they were not allowed on my diet and then took a deep breath, counted to 10 and stabbed her in the eye...just kidding... She's my mother and I love her, but damn it... what do I have to do to get a little recognition from this woman?
Well, regardless, I over-came that whole issue, came home Sunday night (small little cry in the car on the way home while feeling very deflated), and jumped right on my beloved Gazelle. I made sure to take it very slow so as not to damage myself again and then got on my bike for 30 mins. I felt somewhat better after that.
I know that I'm doing this for me and that other people's opinions shouldn't matter, but damn it...I can't wait until DH and I have lost it all and can stand in front of my mother and say "Now we weigh less than you!!!! Now are you proud????"
Humph! Sorry about the rant - no wait - I'm not sorry it felt good. I'll try to have a more positive post later today once I've really let go of all this negativity.
Well, yesterday I was very ill (got it from my DH whom we all call the Outbreak Monkey). I took the day off and laid in bed all day long. It was rather relaxing aside from the fact that I felt like crap.
It started Wednesday night an hour or so before my WI (where I found that I'd lost almost another 2 pounds..woo hoo!). That night somethin' really hit me and although my legs were screaming in pain and I felt like death, I still wanted to get on my Gazelle. I'm amazed. It' s so unlike me to want to exercise, but this machine is totally addictive.
My DH had to convince me to skip it and get in bed. Probably a good thing as I was feverish and dizzy and probably would have killed myself on that machine that night.
Well after spending yesterday recuperating, I felt up to getting back on the Gazelle last night, but only managed to do 15 minutes before I got light headed, so I finished early, skipped out on the bike entirely and sat on the bed and worked my upper body with my tension band and wrist weights.
It's amazing how even though I truly hate exercise (aside from my lovely Gazelle), I still feel incredibly guilty if I don't do something every night.
This weekend we're off to see my parents. We haven't been out there for a while. Hopefully this time they will actually say something positive and supportive to DH and I about this. So far they are the only people who haven't said anything about how good we're doing and that they can see a difference. It's rather upsetting especially since they were the people most vocal about the fact that we needed to lose weight.
Anyway, lets not get into that now. I've got tons of work to catch up on and more importantly a lot of blogs to catch up on today. I'll try to peek in on all of you today and leave a quick message, but if I miss you, have a great weekend!
Got home yesterday and was still in pain from my first Gazelle work out the night before.
Woo Hoo for me though. I did not let that stop me. Last night I got right back on the Gazelle and worked it for 40 minutes while I watched "Dancing with the Stars" on my PVR.
After 40 minutes there, I took a quick break and then did another 20 on the bike.
Now, I think I'm crippled. My God, I woke up this morning and almost couldn't stand. My legs were so sore. I made sure to stretch tons before and after, yet I still can't go up and down stairs without wanting to cry.
It's so sad. I'm really enjoying the Gazelle (which is amazing since I despise exercise) and I feel really good when I'm on it, but the pain I feel afterwards is making me really have to talk myself into doing it again.
I think I've decided to try shorter time periods on the machine. Like, I'll start with 10 minutes and then slowly increase it every day. Maybe my legs just need to get used to it.
Whatever. WI is tonight and I don't anticipate great numbers. Whenever I have good workout weeks, I tend to not lose too much (I think it's that muscle over fat thing), but I'll tell you, regardless of the numbers that I see on the scale, I can feel the difference on my body and that matters to me a lot more than what that evil scale says.
Of course, that doesn't mean I won't cry tonight after having found that I've gone up a pound at WI. I can't totally get over the scale issues.
Okay, the coast is clear. A co-worker finally took the last bunny about 2 minutes ago and I can't te............................................................................................ Oh my God!!! I thought I was safe. I shouldn't have let my guard down like that. How can this be happening????
So yesterday I decided that I just had to have a "Gazelle". If you're not familiar with them, they're a glider type machine endorsed by that really hyper Tony Little guy.
Anyway, a friend of mine bought one a couple of years ago and whenever I'm there, I always hop on and I've been looking for a better way to get my cardio than the random jumping and dancing around my bedroom that I'm currently doing, so I got it in my head that I had to have the "Gazelle".
So, I got one. Well, I already have an exercise bike and now I also have a Gazelle and my husband and I live with his mother , older sister and older brother so space is not plentiful and as a result, both machines are in my bedroom.
Space is scarce, but at least I can't avoid the machines. They are here and in my face at all times.
I had my first real work-out on the Gazelle tonight and while I still despise exercise of all kinds, this was less horrific than usual.
I guess I just have to make sure that I keep up this schedule. 30 mins on the Gazelle and 30 mins on the bike. If I can keep it up, hopefully I'll start seeing some losses slightly above the pitiful 1 pound that I've been seeing lately.
As you may have guessed from my last post, I'm really craving a solid chocolate bunny. This is probably because there is a pile of them (that's right...a whole pile) on the previously mentioned "sample table" that I can see from my office.
I'm currently "enjoying" a green jello (is there really any other kind?) and attempting to convince myself that my jello is far more appetizing than any of those evil chocolate bunnies, but it's not working very well. I'll try to convince myself that they are full of worms by typing it over and over again. Eventually, I will convince myself.
Chocolate bunnies are full of worms.
Chocolate bunnies are full of worms.
Chocolate bunnies are full of worms.
Chocolate bunnies are full of worms.
Chocolate bunnies are full of worms.
Chocolate bunnies are full of worms.
Chocolate bunnies are....mmm....chocolate!!!!
This is obviously not working. Next step...burn down the sample table.
Been e-mailing with a very old friend lately (haven't seen her since high school). Below is part of one of our recent conversations.
ME: "If you'll remember, I was pretty big in school. Well, that has just gotten worse and now I'm really big, but at least now I'm working on it...." blah, blah, blah
HER: "I don't remember you being big in school? You were always really popular and had lots of boyfriends and stuff. Back then we were all pretty shallow (we were young), if you were big, I don't think so many of the guys in our class would have been as interested as they were. You had big boobs. Is that what you mean?"
So, while this made me chuckle, it also got me to thinking about my past and I realized that I was popular and I did have a lot of boyfriends, so was she right???
To figure it out, I went home and pulled out my old pictures and yearbooks and guess what? She was right. In the pictures, I don't look fat at all. I wasn't skinny, by any means, but I think I look fairly normal. I know that I thought I was fat at the time and have thought that since 6th grade when in the span of one week, I was insulted by a boy in my class and a family member, but now looking back I don't get it.
How did I think I was fat? I may have had a few extra pounds here and there, but I would give anything for that now.
It really depressed me because I realized that I took those 2 crappy incidents and blew them up in my mind so that for the next 20 years, it was all I could think about. I have no doubt that the belief that I was fat helped to contribute to me getting fatter and fatter over the years and now I only wish that I could go back in time and shake myself and say, "My God girl, you are beautiful and have a great body with just the right amount of curves. Don't let anyone ever make you believe anything to the contrary."
Since time travel is not an option, I guess I just have to work on the present, but it made me really wish that there was some way that I could get across to all the young girls out there, that they are beautiful...big or not. We should never let others tell us who or what we are.
Okay, I feel a bit better, but I still wish I could time travel.
I don't think I've ever mentioned it before, but I work for a small chain of grocery/drug stores and a big part of what goes on at my end of the office is the listing of new products. Chocolates, chips, popcorn, cakes, muffins, sugary cereals, new brands of cheese and an unending list of other delicious items.
Samples are everywhere and most days my will-power gets me through, but for some reason today all of these foods look particularly tempting and someone has made some popcorn and it smells so buttery and delicious, there's a pool of saliva on my sweater.
I'm doing my best and for the past 2 months I've managed to avoid the sample table (Which, by the way is right outside my office. I can see it from my chair all day long.), but today its been really tough and I need to distract myself.
Oh my God, someone just put a Solid Chocolate Easter Bunny on the table. Shoot me now!!! Shoot me now!!
Went to WI last night and while I felt like I had lost a ton, that nasty, nasty scale still only showed 1.4!! This pound loss seems to be have set in at a very slow and steady rate. I did have my inches checked last night, though and I've found that since I started just over 2 months ago, I've lost 14.5 inches!
I think that's something to be proud of.
I'm trying to ignore the evil scale. I keep telling myself that as long as my inches are going down and I'm feeling slimmer and finding more room inside my clothes then I really am losing, but it's hard to not let that malicious piece of junk get to me.
It's especially hard when my DH (who almost never works out) loses a ton more weight than I do even though I'm doing some sort of exercise for at least 30mins every day.
I'm trying to hang in there, but my motivation to work out really drops when stuff like this happens. I have to really convince myself to get right back at it. I just end up feeling like it's all pointless.
I guess I'm not too inspirational today. I guess I'll get back to work.
