04/16/2009 14:39
Checking In
After a long abscence, I am checking in . . . and hey, I've even lost a few pounds! Things have been very chaotic and uncertain, and I'm finding comfort in being able to control atleast one aspect of my life, and its my diet. I am a control freak and always have this desire and need to be able to control the circumstances surrounding my life. There is alot that I have no control over right now, so atleast my weight is one of them. I really want to get under 200 lbs. I'm so close. I'm at 203.6. This should not be impossible, however, I have the goal of getting under 200 for a very long time now, and while I have come close many times, there just seems to be this invisible wall blocking me from Onederland. It's as though I have this anxiety about it, and I put so much pressure on myself that instead of that invisible wall crumbling, I crumble. To keep the anxiety down, I'm not going to put a deadline or a goal on when I want to be below 200, but obviously, the sooner the better.
On a non-diet note, I have moved back in with my husband, however it is likely that at the end of the summer we will lose our home. About a year ago our adjustible rate mortgage reset and our housepayment went from $800.00 to $1,200, and then from $1,200 to $2,000. We've been throwing whatever money we can into this bottomless pit, getting us nowhere. And of course, because we haven't been making these insanley large housepayments, we can't refinance and the bank refuses to do a loan mod. We've hired an attorney who is working on negotiating, but it sounds like she is not having much luck either. I am trying to remain positive. First of all, I do believe that when one door closes (literally) another door opens. I am only 24, without this insanley large housepayment, I could possibly go down to part-time at my job and go to school full-time like a more traditional college student and grant myself those experiences associated with college education. For instance, currrently, it will take me SIX YEARS to finish undergrad. Further, due to my work schedule, I never take the classes I want to take, I only take the classes that are available in the evenings and meet my degree requirements. Which means I miss out on so many classes that are more interesting or would be more on-point to what I want to study.
Further, Elkhart County is so impoverished right now, there are no jobs for my husband, crime rate is escalating, and we are among the highest of unemployment in the country. If we lose our house, we may consider transferring to Indianapolis where there are more jobs, and another Indiana University campus which offers more of what I want in a college. My husband is also very interested in IUPUI's Motorsports Engineering Program. This would be so good for him. Why is it that because we are adults, we are stuck going to whatever school is in our area? Traditional college students generally choose the school/program they want to attend (funding permitting) even if it means moving. I just really feel like we cheated ourselves by not pursuing higher education after high school, but its not too late, we could still grant ourselves that opportunity.
Anyway, this is a long post and I congratulate any reader with an attention span long enough to endure the whole thing! Thanks for caring to read it and I hope all is well with everyone else. I would love to hear from some of my friends that I have missed over the last two or so months.