I am in a great mood today!! It might have something to do with the fact that I got those paint spots on the ceiling covered up just in time :) I guess I need to add that um...activity to my exercise tracker but it would so seem like bragging!! Which I'm doing now so why be redundant? (I know I can't spell, btw)
Mr Hottie liked the new paint but asked how I moved the monsterous dresser and hutch to paint. Uh oh...do I confess to being lazy and taking the easy way out or scare him by telling him I moved it??? I confessed, he said that my way made sense...See why I like him, he's smart and he gets me...lol The evil troll would have bitched and moaned and crawled all over until he could find spots that were unpainted, until I felt compelled to move the dresser, without his help, and completely paint the wall behind it which no one would ever see. Of course then he would point out that yes I did move the dresser but it had dust in the smallest corner of it, or that the mirror had a smudge.... I really am loving my life now!!
I think I've hit on a diet plan for the insatiable tweens.
Rule number 244...If it's not meal time find it, kill it, fix it YOURSELF...by YOURSELF
Ds is allowed unending access to junk food and convience food at the Cave...(the world under the bridge where the evil troll and his wife the crypt keeper live.) Amazingly enough the crypt keeper is still waiting on ds hand and foot. Sometimes he forgets himself and expects the same life here in the real world.
It never fails, I fix a meal get the daycare kids and ds fed. Then go to feed myself and I hear ds before I can take the first bite of food. " I'm still hungry." Then I invoke rule number 243...wait 20 minutes and tell me if your still hungry... 20 min later he's still hungry and there is nothing to eat. This is followed by long periods of him pacing the kitchen and airing out the frige and cabinets by sticking his head in and making sure nothing escapes..then long sighs followed by...there is nothing here that is good to eat... Followed by me yelling "Get an apple and shut up and get out of my kitchen." Yeah I have a great future ahead of me teaching....I think I'll do okay as long as my own son isn't in my classroom.
Okay I don't think I should walk after dinner ever again. I think it does weird things to my brain.
Or maybe it was because my walking partner bailed on me half way through the first lap to play hide and seek with the neighborhood boys. That's the last time I let my son talk me into walking with him. I'm huffing and puffing around the track and he's chasing kids through peoples yards and burning way more calories than I am. I think that's what really pissed me off !! He was having fun doing it and I'm looking at it like another chore I have to do.
Anyway some of the wierdest stuff was going through my head while walking. Like how come I painted my room chocolate brown and now every morning I crave chocolate milk and I don't even like milk?? How come I don't crave chocolate ice cream?
How come now that I have lost enough weight to wear jeans without the elastic waist bands, they make them so low cut I was forced to go buy new underwear. Note to the uninformed...Once you lose enough weight to wear lowcut levis, you can't wear white cotton grannie panties...in fact you need to wear these creations called thongs....
How come size 7 thongs at Walmart aren't the same size as size 7 thongs at Cato?? I have mentioned I'm poor right? I don't have money to spend on 'drawers' that are to tiny. So I decide maybe I need size 8 thongs...(yeah they make 'em that big). Guess what, if you buy size 8 thongs at Dollar General, they are big. So big that when you walk 3 miles in them they end up not covering much of anything except the inside of your left thigh. Need I mention how uncomfortable that is? My walking track is smack dab in the middle of the neighborhood, houses face it on everyside. So my choices are...
(1)Smile, act like nothing is wrong and solider on.
(2) Point up in the air and gasp loudly enough for everyone to look for Superman then quickly pick.
(3)Pretend a bee has flown up the leg of your shorts and quickly pick... (this can only be used one...max two times in a night, preferably on opposite sides of the track)
(4)Decide you don't care what anyone thinks, and pick away.
I have decided that I am going to be slim by Christmas so I decided I'm stepping up the exercise program. Yesterday I did pilates for buns and thighs and the evil exercise ball Ab Assault.
Today I looked at my 10 year old and decided there should be an baseball catchers exercise video, he is really getting muscles. Then I thought about what he does...it's squats only he's on his toes...hmmm usually 6 innings and at least 3 batters with at least 3 pitches each....hmmm that's at least 54 squats not to mention how many times the pitcher throws balls, and warmup pitches...probably about 70 squats a night. times 3 or 4 nights a week with practice... Oh hell no....I can't do 10 of those... scratch that idea.
Well I'm off to cover up the brown spots on the ceiling where I got carried away with the paint roller. I woke up this morning and realized I needed to paint over those before Mr Hottie saw them..lol :)
Yep I recieved my June child support today. He even dated it the 30th of June. Was it tacky of me to write -recieved on July 3rd on the front with a smiley face? - I didn't think so either.
At least I will have electricity about 20 more days. Phone and internet is likely also. Food, well we will do what we can. Now if I could just get paid for the 3 months of care for the special needs kid...
I am a total sloth today. I think I am still recovering from paint duty. I have 1 wall left to do in the bedroom I just need to move the bed to paint it. Or I could do like I did with the triple dresser with mirrored hutch...I kind of cheated. I painted around it...it's not like I can ever move it by myself and if I ever buy another house that huge ass thing is staying right here.
The chocolate craving continues. Weight Watchers better not quit making the giant fudgebars anytime soon. A friend told me it made her crave fudge...something I don't eat so I will try to think of that instead of creamy melted chocolate and Dove dark chocolate.
Dinner was hotsalad(shredded cabbage, onion, bellpepper and carrots, cooked in light italian dressing) and turkey dogs...should have interesting results...hope the fireworks are loud enough to cover up if I have a ....uh...uncontrollable urge to 'express myself' tonight.
Have a happy 4th and go easy on the potato salad. :)
Hey, I don't know what is happening but I've finally broke my flateau..uh plateau and I'm losing and not just poundage but inches!!! Down a pound!!! Yay... I'll take it...I would love to get out of the 170's... I have a bunch of size 12 clothes waiting for me that I scavenged out of the attic. Narrow legs and pleated front with super high waists are bound to make a comeback. Aren't they???
I measured last week and just for kicks measured again this week.. OMG!! I lost an inch and a quarter on mywaist!!!! Whoooo hoooooo!!! My ginormous hips are even down half an inch....my forearms are almost an inch bigger...probably those cursed pushups on the Evil Ball. My biceps are bigger too, I may have to change my name to Hulga and start power lifting if this trend continues.
Bad new for me, great news for Mr Hottie. Either it's the difference in bras or the twins are actually growing...NOOOO I want them smaller and perky. Now I realize after a hundred pound weight loss (It'll be 100 soon) at age 45 that perky isn't possible but a girl can dream. Maybe Dr Phil will take pity on me and endow me with a makeover...(I tell ya I have a great life going on in my head).
I dream of having a size 36 C chest with the 'attitude' to stand up and be noticed. Size 36 C can wear all the cute little bras, you know the kind with easy access that can be snapped open in the front....I have this vision of Mr Hottie going for the 'girls' and fumbling around up front and alas no easy open snap...then his hands slide around back and he fumbles with the 90 odd snaps up the back of my (as Jeff Foxworthy calls it ) cafeteria lady bra. He finally passes out in exhuastion and frustration and realizes I'm just not worth the effort. This means I have to physically force him to perform and leads to a newsworthy assault case against me and forever keeps me from teaching in the public schools.
We can't let this happen. Please anybody do you know chest reducing/ firming exercises?? I'll do them even if they include the stinkin' ball. Help a Fat Gal out why doncha?
Yep, I'm painting my bedroom. Heck it's been 3 years since anyone's seen it but me. Now that I've been seeing Mr. Hottie I want the room to look nice. You know, atmosphere.
True to fat girl form I went with my favorite food group when picking a paint color. Yep, Chocolate. I swear the paint lured me in...it is about the color of good chocolate icecream while in the can and dries to the color of a hersey wrapper. I was hallucinating while painting with it. (note to self, put fan in room when painting) I swear to you the paint smelled just like melted chocolate. I had intense cravings for chocolate dipped strawberries, fudgesicles, hersey bars, chocolate milk ( i hate milk) and a McDonalds chocolate milk shake....I did give in and have a Weight Watcher giant fudge bar and a Blue Bunny no sugar added Peanutbutter cup bar so far today...
Anyone know how to do chocolate fondue??? LOL
Tomorrow the great weigh in...let's hope that paint is low cal.
Gotta run and finish painting the room. Mr Hottie is going to look so good on my red comforter in the Chocolate room. Wonder if he'd mind if I took a picture of him? IT's the paint fumes I tell ya!!
Update: Evil Troll has not released the magic child support check yet. surprized? I'm not.
Ds has a much better attitude, so I've decided to let him live a while longer. Even tho' he tried to devise a new diet plan for me. The other day we were down to the carrots and water in the frige. I had a coupon for a free pizza so went and picked it up. I brought it home and we each ate 2 slices for lunch. After being at the pool all day I wasn't up to trying to cook something so said we'll eat pizza for dinner too. I went and took a shower and came out to ds eatting the last of the 4 slices of pizza that were left....lol
My son was sweet tho' , I had 4 pizza crusts, with garlic butter sauce and a pepperocini pepper for dinner. If I hadn't be so weak with hunger I might have beat him.
I've been walking and mowing so I feel good about the weight loss thing. I was down a whole pound last week which is good with all the stress I've had.
One of my dc familes is taking off to Oregon for the whole month of July so they went ahead and paid me...Glory! We've got food and I can keep the phone and water on!!! Yeeha
Milestones:
I did wear a bathing suit to the baseball party but kept my shorts on over it. But hey I squeezed into it...that's progress..
I put on a tee shirt I had made for another mom on the team and it fit. It was tight across the boobs but it fit. Real people clothes OMG!!!
I checked my BMI and WOW I am no longer classified as
a beast...I mean obese...I am merely... Overweight... What a thing to be proud of!!!
I've done the Pilates and the ball so far this week and walked at least 3 miles each day.
Yesterday was a painful walk. Before taking off on the walking track I needed to give ds his inhaler. He was out in the field warming up. I asked the coaches to give it to him, neither wanted to be responsible for it. Damn sissies.... So my friend, the assistant coach (the one I've had a thing for, for about 3 years) told me to go ahead out there and give it to him. It's Okay.
Really? Shoot when I was growing up NOBODY was allowed on the field except a player...I turned to tell him that and SPLAT!!! I got hit in the leg with a ball from a wild pitch at about 70 mph. Ever hear the sound of a wet side of beef hitting a tile floor? About the same as a baseball hitting a fat lady's leg. Yuck
HOLY CRAP that hurt!!! But I took it like a woman. Yep, just shook it off and kept going.
The head coach and the other two made a big deal about it after practice. Not that they admire me so much but because several little boys on our team act like such Drama Queens if they get hit by a ball. Screaming and crying and then 2 minutes later they get up and walk to first base.
Coach told the boys I went and walked 3 miles after getting hit and my son pipes up with "Way to walk it off Mom!" lol
Now it's time to go back to baseball and show off my wound...I look like I have a 2nd knee on that leg only this one is growing off the side. The boys will love it, it's all and I quote 'purple and stuff'!!
I wanted to thank everyone who responded to yesterdays blog :) Your encouraging comments on not only my weight loss but my 'mean mom' approach to parenting help more than you know.
In response to your questions:
Moonflower-I actually don't need the Epsom salts, tomorrow I may even attempt the Killer Exercise Ball again :) Today is Windsor Pilates Buns and Thighs workout.
Alisa-Thanks for the link www.rosemond.com I printed the bill of rights for ds bedroom door. The next time he slams it he may read them out loud. If that doesn't work he can write them...10X each...:)
Kache-Today's torture is my most evil ever. If he wakes up in a bad mood I'm going to wear a bathing suit to his team party and get in the pool and swim with his little buddies.....:) That should mortify him into silence for a good 10 years or more. muhahahaha.... Did I mention I didn't shave my legs in the last 2 days....I may forego that pleasure and then mention it to everyone in front of him....HAH!
The little Prince of Darkness is sleeping still and it's after 9 am. I hope I have my sweet adorable kind little boy back this morning. If not I have my Windsor Pilates Buns and Thighs DVD ready to go and an extra exercise band. I'll make him do it along with me. Then I plan to mow the yard this afternoon. It'd be nice to have some help.
So what if he's allergic to grass. I betcha with a big enough dose of Benadryl he'd be okay. His dad lets him mow the yard over there at his cave. Dad's wife (commonly refered to as The Crypt Keeper) even pays the little monster. Of course over there they have a 1/5 of an acre lot and a riding lawnmower. Here we have all kinds of added thrills, it's a one acre lot with hills and gullies and monsterous moles who have chewed up about 1/2 of it. Then there are the bonuses of chiggers, trees, poison ivy and occasionally snakes. Did I mention it's all mowed with a $99 dollar Walmart pushmower? No self -propelled on that baby, no way.
Now where's a sharp stick, I may open the door to The Pit...(ds room) and poke him to see if he can sit up....LOL
I told him if he was going to whine all day stay in his room. He's mad because I wouldn't let him go on a road trip with the evil check withholding troll. Never mind the fact that the trolls boss has forbid anymore riders on trips. Never mind the fact that it's my weekend. Never mind the fact that dad was going to encourage my son to break the rules.
I'm just mean. I was told by my 10 year old that saying no wasn't just my hobby it was my talent!!! That statement was followed by his door slamming shut. OOOhhhhh I wanted to beat his butt, but we all know that isn't allowed. So I got the exercise ball out and it did it for me... Yup call Social Services and the Child Protection League...I put my snarky 10 year old uber jock son on the ball...muhhhaaahaha
I put in the DVD and he was giggling like a girl. Bouncing up and down and telling me ....'This is to easy."
The following is a rundown of his comments...(yes I'm horrible I sat here working on my photo gallery and wrote down every word he uttered while secretly laughing to myself...)
1 min into DVD Owwww!
3 min- Hey, this is hard!
5 min- Are these people crazy?
5 min 30 seconds: Did I mention this is hard?
6 min- THAT WAS THE WARM UP...?!?!
7 min...Whoooaaa ....aaaahhh ..........SPLAT
me- snickersnicker ..
9 min....Mom Can you get the ball back for me? I can't get up...
9min 30 seconds...Mom Why do you do this??
9 min 45 seconds........ You're NOT FAT!!
10 min......This is stupid....Can I have a sandwich??
10 min 15 seconds...This is dumb, I'm not doing it...
10 min 30 seconds...Ds is now lying prone on the floor..gasping like a fish out of water... You can't really do this can you?
LMAO... Yes the exercise ball is evil but sometimes evil can be used for good...Ds forgot he was mad at me...LOL
To add insult to injury I then did the whole Ab Assault workout in front of ds. It's a good darn thing I'm all healed from the first work out. Now would someone please come over and drag me from my bed in the morning. I'm sure I won't be able to sit up again.
Well not really, it's actually Leah and my first name is awful. But Procrastination should be my middle name! I swear I'm a slug!! I did try to work out yesterday, honestly I did. For a minute anyway.
I had good intentions, and yes I know what paves the road to hell Grandma!
But honestly I had my large frame out puffing away on the walking track and got 1/2 way around the first lap and noticed that all of the kids on my son's team had the deer in the headlights look. They were trying to play baseball while looking behind them beyond the fence. My thoughts were WTH?? I look back and notice across the street 3 future little felons were firing up bottle rockets. Okay, they looked a little young to be allowed out alone unsupervised with matches and explosives but what the hell do I know?
I'm sure if I go knock on the door their mom will assure me that it's perfectly okay that her 7 and 8 year olds are out there shooting bottle rockets. I know I'll get that typical response of "he's been doin' it fer years. It ain't no problem." I'm really not in the mood for a redneck confrontation since I'm not at my 'fighting weight' yet.
Then I notice that these little jerks are shooting said bottle rockets at boys on the field and they must have some kind of GPS locator chips in them because they are getting pretty darn close. That got my heart rate up. Thankfully I had a much calmer friend with me. She told me not to worry she had it taken care of.
About that time Officer Friendly starts making his usual drive by to see if any parking tickets need to be issued. My friend smiles and the ballpark manager goes over and talks to the officer and he goes to the door to have a little talk with the mother of the future felons. Before he can knock one of the kids in the backyard lit a string of firecrackers. The cop ran around to the back yard and caught them redhanded lighting more rockets to aim at the allstar team. I'm sure he was thrilled with the cheers of the ballplayers when he went and knocked loudly on the backdoor and asked the mom to step outside. LOL
Well after all that small town excitement, we went to sit down..LOL Before we could get back up to walk more a huge black cloud came out of nowhere with a strong wind and lightning, afraid of tornadoes we rushed the kids to the parking lot and went home.
My exercise ball mocks me from the bathtub, I think it's growing. I think it feeds on my laziness. I promise I will get busy on it in just a few minutes......
The procrastination extends to other areas. I go to school fulltime so I can get a degree and stand in a room of 23 future little felons and teach them what verbs are. (somebody shoot me now) I waited until the last day to do my history final exam. It was 3 essay questions, easy...no problem I just had to sit down and write 6 thousand words... I did it and with minutes to spare logged on and went to download my exams...and it happened my computer froze.....just sat there with my files 37% loaded. The deadline was about 1 minute away.....4 minutes later the thing finally downloaded...but the dropbox was closed. OMG my final exam was going to be at least 10% deducted because I was going to be considered late. Ack. I sent it to the professors email account. And guess what? Yep got a letter last week reminding me that my Incomplete was about to become an F!!!!
Karma!! ...I found out that my history professor is a procrastinator also. After 10 days of paniced emails to 1/2 of the U of M we got in touch with him. After my grade had become an F. Today he got in touch with me and told me to send it (my final) immediately and he would adjust my grade accordingly... **gulp** I guess that blew the hell out of my A in that class.
More Karma!! .....I watch a special needs child who has a state grant to pay for her childcare. I was late mailing my invoice to her case worker...My check that normally comes on the 5th...still not here....OMG
Of course the evil troll has yet to grace me with the magic child support check so we will be doing well on the diet. Is it possible to live on green tea and baby carrots?? I think that's all there is in the frige.
Lookout Mr Hottie, I'll be slim in no time!!! Might be to weak to chase you though.
It's 2 days after the Attack of the killer exercise ball and it's still all I can do to sit up in bed.
I went to the ball field yesterday but didn't walk much due to ds having problems with his asthma and the heat....I had to stay nearby because for a while there it looked like we might need an ambulance. He recovered enough to walk the two blocks home but I had to carry the bag with all his catchers gear and other stuff in it.. Does that count as a work out?
Today we sat out in the 95 degree heat and he was participating at baseball camp, I couldn't walk then because I was watching a 2 year old who would need to be carried for me to get a decent workout.
Tonight all stars practice again and I hope to walk 6 laps which is 3.6 miles. My abs still hurt so much when I sneeze or laugh it makes me scream...LOL No doubt that workout works, I'll do it again tomorrow but for tonight it's the Windsor Pilates buns and thighs.
I bought all kinds of veggies and stuff at the grocery. Eating healthy is expensive...:) I think I'll go to the farm stand when the evil troll decides to hand over the magic child support check for June which should be anytime between now and the 5th of July.
I've got to hurry up and get fit. In the 3 years I've been single I've had 2 dates. 1 with a guy I met from an online dating site, we went out 2 weeks ago. Total snooze... How can somebody be so interesting when writing back and forth for 2 months and soooo boring in person?? The worst part is I think he was bored also.
The other date was a friend of a friend and we have several mutual friends. Like me he is a busy parent and he is also coaching a baseball team that plays or practices every day in the summer.
We went out once and I think I saw and heard fireworks...then didn't hear from him for about 2 months....wrote him off and then **poof** he shows up again and he's been in the gym everyday of those 2 months. OMG!!! He made my jaw drop 2 months ago, now he makes me drool...
So somebody kick me in the butt and get me busy because Mr Hottie is wanting to compare schedules and figure out a night we can go out again....I need to get fit within the next few weeks...LOL
