98 days to goal

I've done pretty well for myself so far today.  I woke up pretty easily; I've been having a really hard time waking up lately, so I was surprised, and it was a nice way to start the day off.  I got up at 6:30 to get ready for work, and on my way in, I drank a Slimfast Optima shake.  They satisfy me well enough in the mornings.  Sometimes I eat an apple or a banana along with them.  I typically have a water bottle with me almost all the time.  Water is the thing I drink the most.  Never cared much for juice or soda, although I will occasionally drink them.  For an early lunch, I ate a 6" sub from Subway, and a few hours later, ate a Blueberry Multigrain Cereal Bar.  So I'm pretty happy with how I've done today.
I think that if I keep up with writing a blog every day or even a few times per day, I will be much more conscientious about my goal.  I definitely think I can do it.  When I decide on something and really focus on it and commit to it, I tend to do really well.  I like the idea of having an online post; I am always checking my Facebook, so I figured heck, why not add another online thing to my life?  I do pretty well with them, and I thought to myself, if I keep a blog, my mindless ramblings and such will just float about in cyber space.  I don't expect anyone to read them, but at least I can get my thoughts out in a productive way, and nobody will have to listen to me unless they decide for themselves to read my blog.  Because heck, I don't even know if I would want to listen to myself ramble, but I'm usually cruelly hard on myself anyways, and if anyone really did want to listen to me, I wouldn't believe them.
So anyways, since I didn't post a blog yesterday on my first official day of this new blogging thing, I'll quickly go over those initial 'stories'.  I've always been very self-conscious about my body image, and until my high school years, I was very insecure.  I tend to be very harsh and critical of myself, so as I matured and grew within myself, I eventually learned that my body wasn't so bad and that I could be ok and kindof a little bit comfortable with myself.  I wore one-piece bathing suits for the longest time, thinking that by wearing more material, it would help me to fly under the radar and people wouldn't notice.  I think most of all, I tried to fool myself into being more realistic about things.  After all, its not like I couldn't NOT go swimming... I'm practically a fish and love the water.  So eventually I got bold enough to try on a bikini, and surprisingly enough to me, started to wear them instead of my sporty one pieces.
The 'bad' area on my body has always been my legs, thighs, and butt.  So the amount of coverage of that area between a racer suit and a two-piece is hardly anything.  The only thing that changed was that people could see my midsection, and its not even like they couldn't practically see it before.  See what I mean by I was so irrational? haha...  Anyways, I think I've always been pretty satisfied with my belly.  It's pretty flat, and I've always thought hip bones were sexy, so I thought that since I could see mine, there wasn't much of a problem there.  The problem is always with my butt.  It's pretty huge.  It's always frustrating to find a bathing suit that fits and provides the right kind of coverage back there.  I don't want the 'plumber' look and I don't need to be showing the whole world what's back there.  It scares me enough as it is.  haha.  And if the bottoms of a suit are decent, the top almost always fails.  So I usually have to find some kind of compromise or middle ground between the two.  I've never come close to finding the 'perfect' suit, and I hope that one of these days, it will become much less of a problem for me.
My goal is not to become super stick thin or to look like any celebrity... My intentions of trying again at this weight loss thing is to find a healthy weight that I feel comfortable and confident in.  I don't need any extra reasons to doubt myself.  I hope above all else to find healthy eating habits and to discover that it doesn't exactly matter what I eat.  What I mean by that is this; it doesn't matter what I stick into my mouth to satisfy whatever craving or taste that I have.  After I'm done eating, as long as I'm not hungry anymore, it's not going to matter what I just ate.  The difference is in the nutritional value of the food.  Suppose you could choose to eat pizza or celery.  Most people would go for the pizza.  It's tasty and cheesy and oh-so appealing!  But 5 hours later, or even the next day after you've eaten, you don't really remember the taste.  You don't really remember the contentment of satisfying the craving or the taste for pizza.  In retrospect, you could have eaten the celery, and be in the same place.  It's all in the moment you are eating.  So if you choose to deny yourself and suffer a little bit through the blandness of that celery, 5 hours later, or even the next day, that discomfort is over and gone.  You don't remember it.  So why be weak and give into the pizza?  Either way, whichever food you eat, you're not going to remember it.  Only your body will.  Did you just have to digest all the fat, grease, calories, carbohydrates, and who knows what else... and have it seep into your system as indigestible garbage that attatches to your hips on top of yesterday's pizza to be come unappealing cellulite?  No!  Instead, eat that celery.  Or that apple, or that -whatever---that healthy thing!!- and instead of packing on the pounds and inches, LITERALLY, you'll lose them!  By eating the healthier choice, your body will absorb the NUTRIENTS and will give your body ENERGY, which will result in the BURNING of the 'old' packed on junk.  It's the additional, non-nutritional elements of that pizza that gets stored away because your body can't use it or digest it and get rid of it as waste.  That's why it gets piled on.  So think: mind over body!!  Your body is your slave.  You shape it and make it to how you want it.  Make it obey to your will.  In the Bible, in 1Corinthians 9:27 says; "I beat my body and make it my slave."  We need to choose to have control over our bodies.  They live in the moment, feeling pain and pleasure, comfort and discomfort.  But our minds and souls are not - they feel emotions, remember past and present, and even rationalize - all of which the physical body cannot do.  Besides, on a spiritual standpoint, your body is worthless.  After life on this earth, your body is left behind.  You don't get to take it with you, nor can you.  If someone is actually reading this, don't think that, "oh, so then it really doesn't matter what my body becomes or what I eat because I can't take it with me.  I can eat and drink what my body desires and be freed of my overweight prison at the end of this life."  No!!  On a spiritual standpoint, you are to obey God's word, and do as he expects and wants you to do.  By allowing yourself to do what you want, you aren't living the way God intended you to, and you will have to face his wrath for your disobedience on judgement day.  Instead, realize what the bible says about your body: in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not konw that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a high price.  Therefore, honor God with your body."  When someone lets you borrow something that is really valuable to them, do you treat it like garbage and give it back in any condition less than as what they lent it to you? No! You take extra special care of it, treating it as though it belongs to someone else, treating it as they would, or even better than they would.  Same thing here with your body.  It belongs to God.  He gave it to you, and it's still his.  Don't mistreat it.  When you see him in heaven, will he chastise you for ruining his gift to you?  Will he ask you why you didn't love and respect and care and have the same reverence for such a priceless gift??