AHHHH

OK I feel better.

I am now 155.4. YAY ME.

Total loss = 40.2 lbs and a total of 16 inches since 01-11-07.

Not to bad i guess huh

I would just like to mention that my good friend Erin.B.wonderful  lost 7 lbs this week, her first week on WW and is doing great thus far. I am so proud of her and if you get a chance go give her a round of applause. Her comitment to being a better her is wonderful and I know we all could use the support of those around us. =).

Congrats to her, and congrats to all of us LOSERS! hehe. First time I didnt mind being called that

Have a great weekend!

WI today

Today is WI day. Sigh.

We shall see if I hit that goal of 155 huh? Wouldn’t that be great. Just say I will WI at this weight on this day and have it happen? LOL

I really took it easy on myself this week as far as my activity. 1 because stress kills your ability to have energy but more so was my foot.

I broke it when I was 14 and it never healed correctly so now I get small little fractures in it all the time, so much so that the DR once told me it looked like a jig saw puzzle. Nice huh? Anyway its killing me and the ace bandage really only lasted about 5 seconds. It hurt so much worse.

So I missed three days and only worked out twice on one of the other 4 days . Non the less I worked out! I at least did 30 min and I was not nice or low speed. I pushed it as hard as I could given my current level of pain.

So nothing bad to really kick myself over there.

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and told him that some hot guy called me skinny. How I thought maybe he had the wrong girl or had me confused with someone. Anyway this conversation made this friend confide some concerns to me.

The concern is that I may go to far and never be happy or see the "skinny" girl, and end up being too skinny or loosing too much.

Personally, each day I slowly start to see this girl, its progress and it’s a balance I am trying to find here. A balance of happiness and acceptance and still push myself and go further each week with out over doing it. I see what he meant, but being as that I am still 20 lbs over weight, id say this concern is a bit pre mature. He is also a male, I just don’t trust males when it comes to weight loss .

Something about you loosing and hitting or achieving goals, makes them weird. They sabotage or make you think its too much, just anything to stop you short of success. I am trusting his concern is valid, and thanked him for it, but I will know when I have hit a point to be happy about.

Right now, I see my shift from weight to size. Starting to want to tone my muscle more then my scale. Always happy to loose, but in my mind I am seeing that 140 is not soooo far away and now I need to start focusing on those areas under my cloths that bother me LOL.

I want to run this 5k in September. Freaks me out as I have never ever run, but with the foot, I am not so sure I can. Even the low impact ET is killing me, driving??? OMG! Shifting the car is something that makes me want to cry just thinking about it.

I think running on a hard surface is something I will have to address each day and see how it goes. This 5k is a run/ walk, so I can still walk it if need be and its a day of fun and a great way to say good bye to summer! One way or another I will get er done! =)

My phone call with MR. Hottie never happened. I tend to think it was a power game. Like building a girls ego just to make her chase you around and never get a hold of you. Tease the fat girl perhaps. Who knows, but its not really my issue, it was his and I am past it.

So today I go WI and stay on track for another week. I am looking for that 155 # only because it gives me 40 lbs loss and that is some big milestone that I have dreamt about!

So fingers, eye balls, and what ever other body part I can cross is crossed, wish me luck!

Until next time Super Losers!!!!


Cheers!

Hump Day....

Or the day after. Whatever works right?

It feels Like Wed. Man this week needs to end.

Ok so.... Stress, stress and well a side of more stress.

But, on track, kinda. Works out are suffering a bit. I missed 3 days this week and I dont seem to be finding time for the second workout. Although it has made the nights here at the house a bit easier with the kiddos.

Maybe I got enough metabolism going now that just one will do? Whatcha think?

The scale is the master teaser. On Tuesday I stood on it and I swear I almost fainted. It said 152.6. That would be like a 7.6 loss in less then three days!!!!

I swore my kids broke it. But ... not so lucky. LOL. It is now just fluctuating a bit, between a lb or so and looks pretty accurate. NOT 152 but that’s ok. IT gave me hope and a good # to focus on for my next goal.

I went to the thrift store and bought a new pair  of goal jeans. A size 10!!  I tried them on and um yeah. My butt can’t fit into them. So that’s good. Right? They wouldn’t be goal jeans if they fit. LOL.

Currently they are sitting laid out in front of my Elliptical so I can stare them down as I run  and sweat and want to quite. Today I yelled at them " your mine" and I pushed a bit harder . Not the full amount of time but really, My head hurt and my body and I think I busted my foot pretty darn good last week so it was just ... well... breaking. I did at least get in the 35 min of a  40 min climb on the ET

I need to go get an ace bandage. Should be working out  tonight but with my foot the way it is, not sure how much I will get in. I am a true believer in at least trying, not pushing past your threshold of pain, but if you don’t try then... you gave up. If you tried then you are a winner even if you only got in 5 min.

I will wear those size 10's dang it, and own the world in them. ! Its what I deserve.

Only I can get sued for  $ 9 grand by some insurance scammer and still find my great day! I hope you all find yours today and know what you deserve.

ITS NOT THE COOKIE!!!! Its the sweat, the burn, the joy in your heart for the success and the pride of doing things the old fashioned way and letting your body be the machine it was built to be.

On  a side note: I got asked out but a guy I call , Mr.Hotty.  He is built, yum, and even a certified personal trainer and he hikes! Now i have not actually met him, we are both just going off pics and e-mail. I am supposed to have a phone conversation with him tonight. Pray he does not sound like Haunz and Fraunze from SNL!!!!! . Fingers crossed he turns out to be somewhat smart and funny. =)"

Off to yell at kids * they are beating up the neighbor boy*

TATA,

Interesting.......

Today I worked but my shift ended at noon since I am up at 4am and after work I took the kids to the pool. We were there yesterday too if you saw my previous post. Anyway there was a lady up there today that had been up there yesterday, with her daughters that are older 20's.

Today she comes up to me and asks me. Wow, How much weight have you lost since last summer?!!"

I have NOOOO idea who the hell this lady is. But I answer.

" Well I think since January it has been 35lbs" Still confused on who the heck she is , she keeps talking.

" Well I saw you yesterday and thought holly shit half of you is gone, then I asked my daughter if she remembered you and she didn’t and I said, well cuz half of her is gone!"

Blushing,, I said thank you. Told her I started WW in January and had lost 35 lbs but not quite half of me, and then I thanked her again. She told me how fantastic I looked and then just walked away  shaking her head.

OK... Now I still don’t see this big dramatic change, I mean really I don’t. Not in pics , not in person, but wow. What do you say when total strangers come up and marvel at your transformation? How do you argue with that?

YOU CAN’T! Period.

So its high time I kick my ass in gear and see what another 20 lbs brings my way. Not used to these reactions from people yet, they do tend to knock me off track a bit. Not sure why. I end up eating too much right after, or feeling just blah. I will figure this part out at some point. I think it may have something to do with not feeling worthy enough for the compliments nor worthy enough to feel great about success. Because I feel so proud when I hear it, then its downhill right after that. It really is all I can think of so my worthiness is gonna have to be my project from here on out.

I won’t succeed if I don’t feel worthy, so.... Knowing I am, and feeling I am are two different things and I am coming to terms with this, realizing it, and praying for the answers and strength to fight it, win it, and do nothing but beam with my own pride!

Ok, done with the Deep thoughts for today. I am sun burned, Sun stroked, and sun kissed in a few areas I won’t mention. hehe.

Off I go to enjoy a peaceful night and relax with some tea.

TATA for now!

Positives

I hope you all are having a most wonderful holiday weekend!

Lots of things happened for me this weekend. I don’t mean to me I mean for me. Mentally and spiritually.

I'm gonna share. So if your really bored and having a weekend with nothing to do this might be a good read. =)

Ok first off, Friday I worked out 2 times, thank you very much =) , After my work out and while standing in my bathroom getting ready to shower, I saw myself, naked! Now I have a post on here about taking pictures of your self in the buff, but just seeing yourself in a mirror sometimes can be just as bad.  For me anyway.

Automatically I grabbed that fat on my thighs and sighed, and said to myself. "Why are you not going away? All this work and your still there!!! " 

Normally this is where I stop myself, tell myself to be nice and to find a positive. My miracle for the day???? It came naturally. I did not have to remind myself, or force myself, in fact all the sudden, and yes this was out loud, I found myself arguing with myself.

What I mean is this voice suddenly came out of me and said " what are you talking about? It’s only been 4.5 months and you have lost 33 lbs!!! YOUR NUTS!"

Sslowly this mean girl that beats me up all the time and just says how I am not doing enough got quiet, ashamed, and this voice just kept talking. " HELLO!!!! You are a friggin size 12!!! " When the hell was the last time you were a size 12????"

I stopped and I realized

#1. I was talking out loud to myself and my children must think I’m nuts.

#2. I was right. I have done amazing in 4.5 months!  Better then ever before and no matter the fat hanging on my darn thighs it’s less then it was

#3. My loss started from the top and is moving its way down. My arms, shoulders and bust were first, and now my stomach, hips, butt and thighs are gonna go.

#4. My cat must also think I am crazy as he is now staring at me with a look that says " Damn lady shut up I’m trying to sleep! "

So this was a great start to my weekend.

I did have a conversation with a friend about negativity and people who are emotional vampires. Those that never have anything, ANYTHING positive to say! They come in and drag you down with all their negative emotions and comments about their lives and it seems nothing right ever, ever, ever happens for them. How when your in the mist of loosing weight, changing your life for the better it is almost impossible to maintain if you continue to allow these vampires to suck your positive energy dry!

You dread seeing them or even asking them how they are that day. We all know them, might even started our journey with them. They are baggage and even though I have one or two in my life that I love with all my heart, I have found the need to push away from them. I can't stay positive about me, my efforts, or even my day if I have nothing but negative chasing my positive away and draining me.

I am a helper, so I always want to help these people, hold their hands, hug them, tell them its all ok, or give advice. What I have noticed, they never take what I say and use it, its just another complaint the next day, and the next and the next.

If they are about weight loss, yet eat like they weigh 50 lbs and need to put on massive weight, then complain about their weight all the while you are trying to stick on plan, eat well, work hard and to build yourself up from the ground up, it is very ,very hard to stay on track when you just get so depressed with them that you pick up a fork and help them eat that chocolate cake. * I don’t mean the piece, I mean the entire cake *

So... I will continue to be that girl that helps, or wants to, but once I have offered, if you refuse to take it I will move on life and not feel so down hearted with all the negatives you may want to throw at me. =). This is my new motto. I want positives surrounding me, I want to see my friends succeed and yes help them through struggles, but watch as they blossom and grow and smile through every thing they defeat. That’s what makes me happy and that is all I will surround myself with from now on!

The more positive you let in the less space there is for negative emotion to take up, and then these vampires will go away once they see there is nothing for them to feed off of.

On to another subject here. Bathing suit shopping??? Anyone had to do this yet? I did today. Not sure that being on my TOM is the best time to try on swim suites but it was a must. I found myself looking for the comfy hid me ones which can only be found in the plus sized section which I can no longer shop in. I was sad, why I have no idea. LOL>

After an hour, and having no luck finding the right size top and right sized bottom I just chose one. Cute little takini. The bottoms are a bit more, um, skimpier then I’m used to, but you now what. WHO THE HELL CARES! In  2 months it will be to big , right?? LOL. I went up to the pool all scared and shy, t-shirt over me of course, and there was this girl and her boyfriend. Both a hot couple. Fit, trim, not a lick of fat on either of them, and guess what she was wearing?? The same damn suite! hehe. OH well. She was hot, I’m getting HOTTER and I have lost  a total of 35 lbs!!! Yes you read that right 35 LBS!!!!

I earned that suit even if I am to shy to take off the shirt yet. =) .

I have beaten every single mini goal I have put in place. Like for instance, I wanted to be 164 lbs by 07/13/07 . I am now currently 160lbs! Oh yea baby, totally crushed that one!  I will be 155 by next Saturday's WI. You watch me!

I am on my way, and am basking in my glory that nothing friggin fits me, and I am between sizes, sizes I have not seen in well over 15 years! I have nothing to be ashamed of so I will strut my stuff in my cute little suite and when I’m a playboy bunny that girl can say, " hey I saw her at the pool last year =). "  Yes day dreaming is good!

Ok, fingers hurt now. LOL> That’s what I get for not blogging in ages!

Have a great end to your weekend. Some of us poor saps gotta work tomorrow! =)

Can't wait to hear how great everyone is and how well everyone did!

Cheers for now!

TATA

TGIF

Holly Cow Its Friday!!!

THANK GOD!!!! That’s all I have to say!

Ok so my week since I have been a looser with a capital L and have not blooged. * not Looser as in weight loss =(*

Lets see... HMM??? Well I hiked and I hurt all the way up until Wed I think. But. I did work out kinda 20 min on Sunday and then again for 30 on Monday. I took Tuesday off and did two work outs for a total of 1 hour on Wednesday. I took yesterday off so that I could catch up on the groceries and the cleaning and then today I will hopefully get 1 or 2 works out in.

Water gain? Lets talk bout this for a second because I am sure we all have some frustration over it, but if you’re reading this and are just starting to watch that scale I think you will find this interesting.

Normally, near TOM I do a  4 lb gain. I know what it is, still drives me nuts, but it goes away quickly. This month totally new experience. I am fluctuating 7 lbs! 7 FRIGGIN  LBS!!!!

I have no Idea what I actually weigh right now and trust me when I say to see 7lb gain since i quit WW is very sad for me. However I know that because its not stable its fluctuating that I cant say I have actually gained yet.

Don't get frustrated when you see large things like that. Really. No one ever said water weight had to just be a few lbs, I mean wow 7lbs!!!

Anyway, I can't afford my monthly dues for WW anymore, but I am gonna go at least twice a month and just pay my weekly fees. I will go tomorrow and WI . I am on track again, and having my accountability is important.

The stress eating is high but getting it back under control, and the PMS eat everything in site is slowly going away. *PARTY TIME* .

I am taking my friend Erin.B.wonderful with me to the WW meeting. Help her get signed up as my gift and encouragement to her success. I am proud of her and know she can do this.

Looks like I might have another hike around June 3rd. Cant wait!!!! I loved it, even with the stupid traffic ticket I was so at peace and the hard work although painful was such a great feeling. I needed it to kick my rear back in gear!

This is the long weekend for most. I am lucky I think. No BBQ's or food temptations to worry about. I actually have not one thing planned so working out and eating well should go over well for me =).

I will post tomorrow after WI. Guess what ever that darn scale says will be official because right now I have not changed my chart with all the fluctuating going on.

I hope you all have a great weekend, enjoy your foods in moderation and enjoy some beautiful spring weather!

TATA For now,

Cheers

I would like to just add....

That the hike I did , even though I couldn’t complete because of the amount of water coming down at me, was considered....

Difficult to most difficult!

ROCK ON ME! Not moderate, not moderate to easy, but DIFFICULT TO MOST DIFFICULT!

Let me just toot my own horn here.

TOOT TOOT!!!

Ok, I am now over it =)

Have a good night to you all!

Cheers

A new day

I am sick. Yup, walking in the rain can make you sick!

But that’s ok, I took the day off work to heal my body a bit. And today is a fresh start, new day. Binging has become my middle name and although I am not gaining I am just sitting at maintaining which is not expectable for me.

So today is a rest day. I tried to work out yesterday but cried through most of it. My poor calf, thigh and hip muscles are killing me from my hike on Saturday. Feels good to know I worked my body that hard, but um yeah, it needs a little re coup break time.  =)

I can not let myself down here and I know between stress and PMS the food is just winning, but no more.

I have 20 lbs to go to hit my 1st goal. I am determined to make this happen and not let myself down much less hear all those voices in my head telling me " See I knew you couldn’t maintain it"

We all know those voices, they have faces of people we know on them, but really they are all in our heads. Ex boyfriends, people who don’t really exist in our lives anymore, yet for some reason they still have a voice in our heads .... Well mine do at least.

These are who I smile at and run harder for when I work out, all the while saying, watch me, watch me show you up and prove how great I can be at this!

Recently those voices, telling me I am just fat, will always be fat, and am not worth all this attention, weight loss, or hard work have snuck back in. Sneaky little bastards!!!

But I cought em, got my little rodent trap out and am ready to fight back harder then ever!

Bad food be gone! Cravings can bite me! And swim suite buying will commence.!

My size 12 is right around the corner. They will fit, they wont be tight and damn it, I will wear them proudly, even if they are still considered plus size. To me they are my size!!!!! 

Well for now anyway. =)

I will be a good mom to my children, and get my son all that he needs to be the good kid I know he is. Screw the state and what they have to do that ruins our lives. I know me, my friends know me, and we all know I am a hard working single mom that does nothing but give to her kids. What do I care what they think of me??? All that matters is my how my kids feel, and if my son is struggling I need to the strength to get us both through this and not wallow in any self-pity.

I love them, but its time to love myself too and giving up here is not loving me! It is not giving to me! And I will never have enough in me to give to those that need me, like my kids, if I don’t take time and give to myself as well.

I wont be that round jiggly outer shell with nothing but empty hollowness inside. NOT AGAIN!

Cheers to this weeks weight loss, it will happen for me and I will make goal. My goal is my 5 lbs. That’s it. Just 5 lbs I shoulda lost over the last few weeks and have not.

Cheers to a better me this week!

And Cheers to sunny days, smiling kids, summer break and higher self-esteam for us all!

I am going to go rest and take care of this body of mine. After all, it is what I am working for . Health, fitness, and a better happier me. Even our bodies need a day off from the stress

TATA for now!

OMG! CAN YOU SAY....

EXHAUSTED!!!

That’s me today.

Yesterday I decided that since I was hiking today and i know the trail I would start my normal work out on the highest incline so that this trail would not kill me.

It has an immediate incline that does not end forever it seems. So on the ET yesterday I did 10 Minutes of a straight 10 incline.

Then added the other 30 minutes of intermediate incline between 3-10. I think it worked. I made it up with out stopping which last year was IMPOSSIBLE!

I also went further today then I ever had and really the only thing that stopped me was the fact that the trail so lovingly called "lost river" was today, " river run wild EVERYWHERE! " . I could not go up any further because of the amount of water coming down the trail.

It was not exhaustion, or even the pending thunderstorm, just the fact that my shoes that I had on and the water coming down at me did not agree!

VERY PROUD, and very tired. I know I am SOOO gonna feel this tomorrow. I also slipped on the way down, steep decline, and my leg went behind me as I slid. I can feel it in my ankle and knee so I know tomorrow I'll be a hurting momma!

OH well, such is the joy of physical activity. I will get over it.

Now...

You have no idea how hard this hike was for me. The last two days have created a binge eating frenzy that threatened to knock me off track permanently.

To start, my son who was upset with me after an argument * he has a mental disorder that causes horrible behavior*, decided to go to school and tell them I beat him and left a bruise.

Now the mark was from me, and was a total accident and happened when his body rolled over onto me thus creating a very small, light bruise on his shoulder blade.. However the state has decided I am a child abuser and this will go into some child abuse data base. GREAT! Because now my career I have been dreaming of won’t happen as, you guessed it, it deals with children.

Now of course I binged. I had 2 pieces of pizza and a bunch of cinnamon bread dripping with frosting. SIGH.....

Then today, I say, " I will be positive, I will go hike and I will enjoy the hard work"

so I start my trek, behind schedule which is fine. But as I am making my little U turn to the spot, a big ass Semi Truck is up on my ass and almost broadsides me as I turn.

I had my signal on forever because I saw how fast he was coming at me, and my brakes on again because I saw how fast he was coming at me, but he did not even slow down.

He missed me, thankfully, however the officer heading in the opposite direction did not. Yup I got a ticket. Not for my driving, but because I found out I had an expired DL. um... ok????? Not sure why, ill have to figure that out later.

Anyway all this goes down like 10 feet from the beginning of the trail.

You know what. I hiked it, I hiked it hard and long and even got rained on during the decent down and still,,,, I hiked it, I loved it and I know , I can't put anymore negative out into the world. It just keeps coming at me when I do.

So......

Positive thoughts about me, my life and what I am doing.
Positive actions towards me, my life, and everything I do.
 
And no... Nothing will take me down. Tomorrow is a new day, and a week a new week is on its way, new opportunities to turn it all around and shine through.

I saw today, as it rained, how all the flowers opened up. I thought rain on me please, cleanse me of all this crap! And then I realized, I am in the middle of a cleansing in my life, and just like the beautiful Columbine that I saw open today, my beauty too will open up and shine and capture all the things I need in life.

Yes, this is why I like to hike. Amazing thoughts come to me. Anyway I think it was profound you may think it silly

Ok , now I am done. This was SOOOOOOOOOO long =)

Have a great weekend, and btw. I added my pic from today on here.

Positive:  I still look beautiful and cute, even when I’m dirty , sweaty and tired . LOL>

YAY ME!

Cheers to all of you

The funniest thing i saw today

Pardon the curse words, but i had to share. so friggin funny. To me anyway. Maybe cuz I'm all about what she puts in her letter right now. =)  


An Open Letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor and Gamble

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you fucking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

xxxxxx
Austin, TX