I am still at only 4 smilies. =(. I have not worked otu in weeks. But to my defense there are many reasons for this.
1. I have the state in my buisness ALOT so i have two case workers that meet with me weekly and then my Domestic Violence classes I take every week so there goes three of my nights I could workout.
2. I had issues with my 4 year olds dad. He really wore me out emotionally the last few weeks, and then ended up taking my daughter andhiding her fromme. So I had to go to court get an order and have her returned to my custody. Now i have all thre kids all the time and they are all an emotional wreck so I findit hard to give myself time when i think they all need me the most.
3. The day after court, 2 weeks ago, I got layed off my job but wa sallowed to stay atmy employer in a very large demoted position. Unfortunately I have to remain stable so i had to take it.
4. The minute I took my lovely pay cut and demoted status, my entire house got the flue and I missed all of last week of work, which lets say is not so good and im hoping i have a job on Monday.
5. I have been to broke to eat bad YAY! so the weight came off, butm uscle tone is um, lackng!
6. I realized I am still not happy with the weight, but not the weight itself more so the firmness and sleekness of my body . I miss running! =(
So.. I am alive. Busy and stressed and my spirit is breaking, but I am alive.
I did spend 40 dollars on myself, which was not good, but I signed back up at weight watchers to track my points. This is so important. It just is and I need the tracker to do it. And the weight tracker so.... yeah. I was selfish.
I miss you all so much, and now with so little time tomyself, even writting all this out is hard.I have had to stop 6 times to break up fights with the kids. UGH!
Single mommy hood sucks, but it really su cks when the fathers as A**Holes.
But, I believe we are all on a road, we are driving and just because we can not see the next 2 miles ahead of us, does not mean it isnt there. I am on my road, and just because I dont understand why I must take a right turn, i have faith that my final destination is up ahead , comingup fast, and it is where I want to be . Otherwise I wouldnt be driving there right?
I wanty to check up on all of u. might take me the rest of my life! But i will get it done.
does anyone know how i can do that google reader thing so that updates come in as you post? ANYONE? ANYONE AT ALL?
4! 4 smiley face stickers on my goal weight numbers hanging on my wall! =).
NOt the greatest but still, better then NONE!
My stupid pms is subsiding THANKGOODNESS! and the holidays are ALMOST over. YAY! Not to be a party pooper but I can't possibly take one more office potluck! =).
I returned those pants hanging on the wall. Figured I really did need some so might as go return those while I could.
Funny, I tried on 13's since the 11's were sooooo small, and they were HUGE on me! I must be right at or near the tiny little 11's . Of course they didn’t have any friggin 12's! Ever noticed that ALWAYS happens. Every size but the one you want or need.
OH well, i found a cute little pair they looked better in the store though. I think they really do have trick mirrors =). Anything to make a sale right!
I hope your weekend was good, and that New Years brings in alot of happy, skinny, on track days for you all of you!
I am hoping to drop some lines on my little weight graph this week. Keep your eyes posted! =)
You know that commercial where the kids sees a person bending over and thinks its Santa , and it turns out to be the mother bending over!
THATS SO ME RIGHT NOW! LOL
But I have no put up a pair of pants that wont fit me and the # of the weight I want to hit. They hang on my bedroom wall, right in front of my elliptical. YUP! i have to see it every single day, no matter what i put in my mouth.
PMDD is here which is just friggin awe full. The longer it takes for my monthly to show up the worse I am. GROUCH! So working out today should be a must for me.
Eating has been a big challenge, just shoving things in my mouth. Gotta re adjust myself to say HELL NO!
I added New pic of x mas day with my kids and of my pants I have nailed to the wall =). I really am serious people. i swear it!
Hope all of you beautiful women got a great holiday, and are having a wonderful time ringing in the New Year!
Whatever life puts before me will be useful experience that will make me stronger, wiser, and more tolerant.
I am strong enough to understand and make allowances for other people's weaknesses, and their behaviour towards me. Other people's behaviour is about them, not me.
I focus on the joy of living my life and helping others where and when I can.
I am what I eat and drink, so I eat and drink good things.
I am what I watch and play and listen, so I watch and play and listen to good positive things.
I take exercise which I enjoy. I walk when I don't need to drive or take the bus or train.
I smile and laugh whenever I can - life is good - getting caught in the rain reminds me that it is good to be alive to feel it.
I forgive other people. Deep down everyone is a good person, just like me.
Ever woke up late for work , rushed to do all your morning crap as quick as you can , the whole time thinking " Thank god tomorrow is Friday" and then realizing it was only Wed and Friday was no where near.
Then had the worst day the ENTIRE day and just kept thinking, stupid Wednesday!
NO????? Well I have, I just had that today. =)
Thank you Hot Mamma's for all the comments, sorry I suck at returning them personally. But they are all in my inbox =) just waiting for personal replies. I SWEAR IT!
All I ask is " GODDESS GIVE ME STRENGTH TO WORK OUT TONIGHT"
I know tomorrow will be pointless as I have a class that will keep everyone up late and me exhausted, and then Friday is a good day, if I can just DO IT!. But i can’t miss a day after just starting again. It has to be consistent! THATS THAT MY FRIENDS!
You are all my inspiration. You post everyday, you trudge on through the holiday and its yummy foods and temptations and yet, your still here workin it!
WAY TO GO!
I am now off to yell at some children. I just want a drink ! But , the elliptical will have to do =).
I posted 2 days in a row! HOLLY COW MOW ME OVER! =)
My word for the day:
Complacent
Meaning: Contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned
I will no longer be complacent!
I will no longer be self-satisfied. What got me this far? DRIVE and NO SATISFACTION!
1 mile not satisfied. 2 miles? Still not satisfied.
50lbs not satisfied! I let all these MEN, yes MEN, talk me into thinking i was hot stuff, that loosing anymore weight would be BAD, that it’s ok to have some MEAT on me because they like it that way.
WELL BOO HOO FOR THEM! I am NOT satisfied and therefore I can no longer be complacent about my workouts, what I eat, and how and when i do things that better me as a person.
Lazy, comfortable, complacent. = Weight gain, chunky butt, bigger pants, lower self esteem, and those who look to help me defeat my purpose win!
Which makes me
A LOOSER! Cant be pretty, healthy, sexy, and be a looser. CAN’T HAPPEN
Did I get up at 4am today? YUP and then right back to bed, did I get in 30 minutes of exercise today? YES I DID!
8 months to get in shape, strong, comfortable and confident, less then 2 months to loose it all.
14 lbs to go, 1.5 sizes to go and a whole lot of loose skin to tone up.
so i start yet again, from day 1. Except this time, I am single, happy to be and not ready to let those "takers" take my pride from me by telling me its ok if i am still chunky.
I have girls at work tell me they "admire" me and that my weight loss is "motivational" all while I am shoving a cinnamon roll into my mouth.
The other day, one said " I wish I could eat like that and look like you" and I thought, trust me, I dot look like I did 3 months ago, and it hit me.. What will three more months of that bring me?
CLOTHS SHOPPING IN THE FAT SECTION AGAIN! This is the smallest I have been since my teen years when I starved myself, I can not possibly go into fat cloths again. You think I am satisfied at this weight? Size? HECK NO!
Id rather be motivational eating the right way, loosing the weight and working hard so no one thinks its easy. WE ALL KNOW ITS NOT!
So I am now NON COMPLACENT! =) . won’t YOU ALL JOIN ME?
Come on now! Be a rebel!
Thank you for your comments. Getting pissed off at men seemed to motivate me today, but yur comments made me giggle, smile, and remember that I need to be a role model for those starting out, my kids, and even myself.
Sorry I’ve been gone so long. I moved and had no Internet or cable. Talk about going out of my mind!
You would think I would have filled my boring nights and weekends with some work outs, well you would be wrong. Instead i filled it with food and although the weight has not gone up, i know its because i lost muscle and gained the fat. We all know muscle weights more then fat, and soon the fat will start to weight heavily on me! HECK NO!
I need motivation. I need to wake up early and get at least 20 good minutes in a day. Who will come smack me so i stop hitting snooze?
I’m getting fatter by the second, lazier and more complacent as each day moves on and with only 1 week left to my year goal, all i can think is " one more year at this rate and a I will actually be starting from scratch"
All the fear in the world is not motivating me, nothing is. IM SAD GIRLS!!!
OH and I missed you all a TON! Did I say that yet? Well its all true!
But I’m back, with Internet. YAY! Feels like x mas to me!
Quick post as I have to run, not literally though I wish it were.
I will post again tomorrow and hopefully with a " Yay I got up on time" comment.
I did so well, i ate so perfectly it was amazing!!!! Well almost =)
I started with some oatmeal and a yogurt, then i had carrots and then i had my coffee date.
*Ill tell you more on that in a minute*
Then I had my tuna with cucumber and my pear. I did hit the vending machine but only for some pretzels. I stopped at burger king for my kids real fast and didn’t get a thing
Bad thing though, i got some crappy news in the car on the way home, so I porked out on left over turkey and half a cinnamon roll =(
yes very sad. But, at least it was turkey and not a double whopper and fries i guess.
Ok so the good news, ready?????
I saw my friend today. HEHE. He walked right past me and then looked at me like i was crazy when i grabbed his shoulder.
HE DIDNT EVEN RECOGNIZE ME!
How friggin cool is that one???
He is a big work out buff, the body of a male model, man hot hot hot, and he was amazed at me! WOW!
Let me just say here, i can now understand my ex boyfriends insecurities. Really ladies I don’t see it. This "change" but apparently it is there, and he saw it so no wonder he was always so weirded out all the time. His issue, but i can understand it now.
Anyway, ive been all giddy in side since then. Makes me want to keep on runnin, of course I have to wait for the cinnamon roll to digest first I guess. UGH!
I am checking e mails and will reply back to you all.
I am always excited to see your mails , and I am slowly catching up on your blogs.
YOU GIRLS ROCK!
BTW , I have my thanksgiving pic posted. I DONT LIKE IT but oh well =)
Today was my re commit day. I weighed myself, took the higher of the weights. 141 this morning 144 tonight. Since ill stick with Monday as my WI day, Ill just always do it when i get home from work.
I didn’t eat so well, but i know why. I started out great, but did not bring nearly enough raw foods with me to work. Just a pear and an orange, so i got the munchies and hit the stupid vending machine.
12 points later and I was feeling the guilt. So now i know. More raw foods, veggies and fruits to keep my mouth busy! =)
I worked out 2.24 Mi on the good ol ET machine . I am prying that another move with this thing and it wont break. I have to trust others to move it, and we all know no one takes care of items that are not theirs. But this thing saved me once, i know it will again . If it broke, I’d be lost.
I have not yet replied to my e mails i got from you guys, but it sure put a smile on my face to see the posts.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Big Hugz!!!!!!!!
I am off to wrestle my kids to bed, and to hopefully take a shower.
I have lunch tomorrow with an old acquaintance. A hot sexy one, who has not seen me in almost a year and a half, so I’m a little nervous, and a little shut down. really cant handle any flirtations right now, just need a good friend. ya know?
Anyway, ill let you all know how my little coffee/lunch goes, and after my work out tomorrow I will post again.
